feelings

i don't know why

i have these kind of feelings

not a pleasant feeling for sure

i want to cry

but i can't

it just a mixture of feelings

and combination of emotions

why oh why

i am having these kind of weird things

i'm insane

full stop!

saya ingin pergi jauh dari kamu!!!

atau mungkin kamu yang perlu pergi jauh dari saya

tolong jangan seksa hati dan perasaan saya lagi

the price that you need to pay

this is the price that you need to pay

pay it with your tears

pay it with your smiles

pay it with your laughs

pay it with your love

this is the way for you to get it

in order for you to take it

you need to pay

nothing is free in this world dear

be it sometimes unbearable

be it sometimes killing you silently

be it sometimes disgusting

be it sometimes too hard to endure

this is the price that you need to pay!

feels like giving up

feels like crying madly

feels like ignoring things

feels like dying

but this is the price that you need to pay

for you to stand still

lots of tears being waste

for you to keep walking

lots of emotions are burst

for you to remain fighting

lots of failures you have faced

for you to move on

lots of hardship you endure

and this is the price that you need to pay...

stop, cries, relax and reflect

bored of the same routines

and feel like giving up

STOP!

and take your very own time to your dearest self

tense of the same tasks

and feel like carrying a huge burden

CRIES!

and take your time to face the situation

tired of the same situations

and feel like letting it go

RELAX!

and take your precious time to soothe your mind

burden with all the mistakes done

and feel like nothing you can do to correct the situations

REFLECT!

and take your time to change yourself

hati dan perasaan

hati saya ada satu

perasaan saya lebih dari satu

bercampur

beribu mungkin

saya sangat malas

tekanan sedikit

i'm hoping that i can become more mature as i grow older

not hope i suppose

i should

and it's a must i guess

well, changing is not an easy task to be done

very challenging

for a very not independent gedik girl like me

hoping that things will be better

or shall i change it to make things better

things are getting harder and more difficult

yet me being too immature and act stupidly

just live my own life

go with the flow

and cry in sleep

haha

gilo punya kucingred!

getting older

holla~

minggu ni terasa sangat panjang

walaupun baru minggu pertama setelah cuti sem

tapi perasaan seakan sudah berbulan-bulan bergelumang dengan kelas dan klinik

masakan tidak

klinik kami yang dulunya pada hari isnin dan khamis telah bertambah satu hari lagi

iaitu hari jumaat

klinik yang dahulunya conservative dentistry dan prosthodontics sahaja telah ditambah dengan oral surgery, periodontics dan paediatric dentistry

mengundang kepenatan dan kelesuan barangkali

klinik bertambah bermakna keperluan untuk mencari patient juga bertambah

berapa ramai rakyat malaysia yang tinggal berdekatan ampang yang memerlukan khidmat rawatan pergigian?

berapa ramai di antara kalian yang mempunyai masalah gigi berlubang?

berapa ramai antara anda yang perlu dicabut giginya?

berapa ramai dalam kalangan kanak-kanak yang punya kekuatan untuk berjumpa doktor gigi?

ya Allah,

permudahkan urusan kami

note: thanks to all for the birthday wishes and presents....to housemates, thanks sbb temankan makan steamboat and to seniors, thanks for the souvenirs from bandung...

love you guys..ukhwah fillah abadan abada!

i just want to write...

it's already two and a half years

and to be specific

it's already five semesters i've spent my time studying here i suppose

five semesters

not too long to make me feel that i am old enough at the moment

yet not too short that i've created lots of things and experienced tonnes of memories including the bad one and not to mention the good one

i still remember the first time i got the offer letter to fod

making me feel like i was dreaming

dentistry

spell it D.E.N.T.I.S.T.R.Y

it was and still i suppose

something rare

it's not like rare in term of awkward or bizarre

it just a little bit deviate from the normal curve

that's it

making it become quite a lot differ and special i guess

during the orientation week

i'm telling the truth that i dislike biology

i still remember one of the trainee lecturer asked

"if you don't like biology, then why you choose dentistry as your first choice?"

and the reason for me choosing this faculty in the first place is still the same

and that particular trainee lecturer said

"if that's so, why don't......."

and me just stand still

and smile i guess hearing the trainee lecturer or the dentist saying that sentences

the next day

i'm going to the dentist, asking for a sign

a task for freshies

and the dentist asked

"you are the one who dislike biology, don't you?"- asking me confidently

and me without hesitate just nodding my head

"introduce yourself" the dentist instructed me

and asked several questions

and before i go the dentist called me and said

"well, dentistry is not merely about biology. it's the combination of sciences and you'll find it is an interesting field to be explored"

************************************************************************************

2 b continued