My trauma story

It was a very long time ago that I fell
Back then when I was eight
Things do not seems different until recently

You'll never know how things feel until you face it yourselves
And this is my story
A story of trauma
When you know the treatment options and it scares you
It scares the hell out of you
Because you know
Things wouldn't be the same
Not only wouldn't
It could never ever be the same

Challenges when you understand, yet to make wise decision for yourselves
Troublesome
And worst
You don't even want to think of it
Because truth is always painful

Apisectomy
Surgical exploration
Extraction
Redo and place MTA
You've heard and understand
But to experience it
Are you dare?

Vertical root fracture
The nightmare that follows me everywhere
Even to think of it sometimes give me a big headache

But on top of everything
We learn lots of thing from this single tooth
Different way of acquiring knowledge
For that I thank you Allah for everything

Alhamdulillah :)

Hanya kerana requirement

Seriously
Terkadang rasa terkedu menghadap folder pesakit-pesakit
Sebab kita nak yang terbaik untuk mereka
Kita harap kita boleh beri yang terbaik pada mereka
Kita nak buat apa yang terdaya untuk mereka

But guess what
Bila dapat pesakit refer
Kadang-kadang rasa sedih
Rasa marah, kecewa, geram
Dengan semua

Pesakit yang baik dan punya potensi
Tidak diberi informasi yang berguna
Pesakit yang tidak tahu dan tidak faham
Tidak dididik dan diterangkan

Speechless

Kamu menjadi manusia robot yang sombong
Kononnya siapkan requirement itu
Masalah utama tidak selesai
Katanya berilmu, ucapnya minat
Tapi yang terlihat cuma penipuan
Penuh kepura-puraan

Kecewa

Kami tak punya masa selamanya untuk membetulkan apa yang salah
Kita tahu siapa diri kita
Sebagai manusia kita pun lemah
Kenapa tergamak kamu buat begitu pada kita?
Pada kami?
Pada mereka?
Tidak takutkah kamu dipersoal tentang amanah?
Tidak gentarkah kamu ditanya tentang tanggungjawab?

Hanya kerana yang namanya requirement...

I don't understand

There has been too many things that happen recently that are able to make me start questioning lots of thing

I don't understand
And seriously
I don't get it

They are being a jerk by doing things that I would consider as unethical
These situations are very hard for my friends and I
Dual loyalty
That's the words

Diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapa
Serba tak kena

Frankly
These had been too much
And it's getting worse
And quite frankly
I don't know how it's going to end

O Allah
Please
Guide us in making the correct decision
If the decision that I am about to make is the right decision
Please give me strength to face the difficulties that rise with it
If the decision is not the right decision
Please give me strength to come clean and being honest

These had been a very tough thing to do
And frustrating too...

Why oh why

Aku selalu tertanya-tanya tentang sesuatu perkara
Sampai kadang-kadang benda yang agak simple pun dah jadi sangat complicated
Tambah pula aku ni memang suka sangat perhatikan perkara yang ada di sekeliling aku
Jadi memang banyak benda yang aku suka persoalkan dari sekecil-kecil perkara

Contoh macam semalam aku makan kat satu kedai ni
Ada parents and anak-anak
Aku tengok mak diorang makan guna tangan kiri (haruslah menggunakan sudu)
Dan aku tertanya-tanya
"Mak orang ni tak kisah ke anak dia makan guna tangan kiri"
"Dia ajar tak anak dia makan pakai tangan kanan"
"Kenapa laki dia tak tegur bini dia makan pakai tangan kiri"
And questions keep on poping inside my head


Takde motif
Saja nak tulis sesuatu

memandang, melihat dan merenung

Manusia
Zahirnya sama
Batin berbeza
Yang di luar nampak
Di dalam itu rahsia

Bibir tersenyum
Mungkin hati menangis
Mata menangis
Mungkin jiwa tidak segundah mana

Biar mata berbicara
Biar hati bercerita
Tak perlu diluah dengan kata

Terkadang diam itu bahagia
Sunyi itu gembira
Tangisan di hati pengubat lara

Terkadang tawa itu duka
Senyum itu derita



Semoga dipermudahkan segalanya...