Sunday, October 31, 2010

-xpress-

i might be mean to you
i might not nice to you
i might talking harsh words to you
i might not a good friend to you

before it's too late
before you cannot hear what i'm going to say
before i cannot say things that i wanted to
before we get separated

i would like to say

thank you for your existence
that shine up my life all this while

thank you for being by my side
along my happiness and sadness

thank you for your care
through difficulties and sickness

thank you for being my friend
for which it is irreplaceable

and i wanted you to know that

even it seems like i don't care
even it looks like i don't mind
even i didn't be a good listener
even i didn't give you a shoulder to cry on
even i didn't able to wipe your tears
even i didn't manage to make you smile

do know that i'm very poor in expressing my feelings

and i want to say this three words to you (but i am shy)


i love you


friends...


mmmm

right now
to be specific
at this moment
i don't want to go for another treatment
and to be specific
dental treatment

insyaAllah
tomorrow afternoon
i will finish the 5 day course of metronidazole a.k.a flagyl
and hopefully
there is no another course of antibiotics to be taken after this

Alhamdulillah
the severe pain is reduced
and it's changing in its pattern
now, i'm just having an intermittent pain
and pain on biting
even the pain still annoys me a lot
yet it improves
not disturbing my sleep
not disturbing my study
not causing me to cry
not causing me difficulties during biting (even though it's still pain on biting, yet it's far much better than before lor..)

and that is one of the reason that causing me avoiding another treatment
i am afraid that treatment will cause me to feel another series of pain
which this is my greatest concern in seeing a dentist at the moment

i am grateful right now
even the pain killer still does not kill the pain
but the pain is reduced and can be tolerated by myself

i'm hoping that the next appointment is going to be in the next semester
can or not?
because
i don't want to experience pain during the exam week
it's too much disturbing

thank you Allah
for giving me the opportunity to feel the pain
that makes me being grateful for the state of well being and healthy

thank you Allah
for another experience
another day
another test

Saturday, October 30, 2010

semangat yang hilang

ya Allah
aku betul-betul dah takde mood nak study ni
sangat malas
penat
baca pun tak habis-habis
sangat banyak untuk dihadap dan ditelan
sangat pening menghadap nota-nota yang penuh dengan tulisan
memang takde semangat dan mood untuk exam
tolonglah
semangat ku dah hilang
tersesat jauh di tempat orang
haish...

Friday, October 29, 2010

hate dentists??

i am so lazy to study
so, i googled 'why people hate dentists'

and here some of the interesting points that i've found

1. the dentist's attitude

people think that dentists have the 'mean' attitude. they are not friendly and like to give instructions with harsh voices and make you feel like a child. when you complain of pain and discomfort, they DISREGARD and say "you wont be feeling any pain"

from my point of view
this is sooooo true. i've experienced this several times. and i was like wth, i'm the one who feels the pain not you. so, don't ever disregard patients feelings please

2. the feelings of vulnerable and helpless

from my point of view
this is true. when you sit on the dental chair, somehow there's a feeling of vulnerable. maybe it is due to supine position or it just the feeling of unsafe because someone is looking into your mouth and their face is like going to enter your mouth..

3. afraid of the needle

from my point of view
i am way too afraid of vaccine injections rather than dental injections because dental injections give us the feeling of numb

4. pain

one of the most common reasons for hating dentist.

from my point of view
i've experienced dental pain on my already-extracted-46, already non-vital due to trauma 21 and currently-undergoing-rct-35 and i guess the existing pain is not the reason for being afraid of the dentist but the pain after treatment. still i am afraid of dentist because of post operative pain. (one of our lecturers said "we are pain givers")

5. they just hate us

they just hate us. that is something that we can't do much

from my point of view:
lots of people telling their bad experiences and that is one of the contributing factors in hating dentists i guess. and one of the lecturers said "they never like me or you" and this just a fact that need to be digest and swallow by us.


if you want to know more why people hate dentists, google it yourselves and you'll find some funny and interesting info regarding this issue :)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

trauma or phobia

recently i have been in dental surgery for some treatment
but apparently, i am having a kind of trauma and phobia right now

anywhere i go and everywhere i sit
my olfactory nerve telling me that i am in a dental surgery
and the experiences of swallowing that sodium hypochloride made my taste buds telling me that i am still swallowing that solution

and frankly speaking
this condition annoys me a lot
all this while i never ever like dental surgery (but i am hoping that this will not last forever la)
and i really mean it

for all the dentists that work really hard to save my 35
i would like to express my gratitude to you guys for doing so
for all that being concern towards my tooth and pain
thank you so much for helping and being so nice
for all the advices and supports
may Allah bless you for doing so

thank you Allah
for another experience
another story
another day

doakan phobia and trauma saya cepat hilang


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

i am mentally torture and emotionally distress

I HATE YOU!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

making decision

right now i'm trying to make a wise decision

and i think that i'm going to give it up

and in order for me to do so

i'm preparing myself mentally, physically and emotionally

seriously, this is a hard and tough decision

and i'm thinking of letting 'you' go

and if that thing happen

i hope it is the best for both 'you' and me

but right now

i'm trying hardly to cope and tolerate

praying that 'you' would not leave me

but i'm also preparing for the worst thing that could happen

for the time being

i would like to say that

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY 35 DEARIE
you will never be replaced

unless if i think of making denture in the future
but for the time being
i guess no

tolong doakan 35 saya

tq in advance

Sunday, October 24, 2010

memories

hari jumaat lepas third year students of fpg usim ada exam muamalat
exam kat dewan kuliah al-quds
and i would like to write something about this lecture hall

i still remember the first day in faculty of dentistry
at that time
lecture hall ni takde lagi meja and kerusi macam sekarang ni
and at that time
still no name
it was empty
hanya ada carpet biru yang menutup lantai
and masa tu we all second batch
lecture kat bilik tutorial sebelah tu

tak lama lepas tu
lecture hall tu pun dah ada meja and kerusi
still we all occupy bilik tutorial tu je
kata mereka
lecture hall itu untuk student first year tahun berikut

lecture hall itu kami occupy masa exam
sejuk sangat masa tu
sampai biru jari-jemari
muka pun naik kebas sebab sejuk sangat

masa senior nak exam pro ke2
bilik tutorial jadi dewan exam
kami pun diarah pindah ke makmal komputer yang for sure time tu takde lagi komputer
tetap
lecture hall itu tidak kami gunakan

tapi
lecture hall al-quds lah yang paling banyak simpan kenangan
saya tak tahu kenapa
tapi ramai orang yang menangis dalam lecture hall al-quds
and i am one of them
dia semacam ada satu ketenangan bila duduk dalam al-quds tu
and then nangis
and i do think that kat fpg ni lecture hall al-quds still the best port untuk nangis

masa first year dulu
bila dapat result teruk
gi al-quds, nangis
dapat carry mark teruk
gi al-quds, nangis
bila depression
gi al-quds, nangis
rasa give up
gi al-quds, nangis
pendek kata bila ada burst of emotions
al-quds lah tempat air mata tu jatuh

bila batch baru dah daftar
mereka occupy al-quds
masa tu lecture hall ni baru je dapat nama
kita pun dah jarang-jarang masuk al-quds
tapi tetap
saya sayang al-quds

sampai bila-bila
saya tetap sukakan lecture hall al-quds

Friday, October 22, 2010

explosion of emotions

burst of emotions
eyes are full of tears
no words can be spoken
no sentences can be written

so childish
too pampered
way too immature

thank you Allah
for another test
another day
another feelings

jalan-jalan di kota melaka
adoi.. jariku terluka

kalau menangis tentulah sedih
jari itu terlalu pedih

ada buku mari membaca
luka jariku terkena kaca

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

masalah yang takkan berhenti

esok adalah last klinik we all untuk sem ni
tiap-tiap kali klinik prostho memang akan rasa berdebar
berdebar sebab rasa diri ni tak mampu nak puaskan hati patient yang datang

minggu depan saya ada appointment dengan doktor
takut
tapi kena la jumpa doktor jugak

hari jumaat ni ada exam muamalat
tapi serius otak kitorang tersangat kosong
tiada memori subjek tersebut melainkan mengantuk, bersembang dan yang seangkatan dengannya

ya Allah
permudahkan urusan kami

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

assignment bhsc

setelah dibebel
setelah dato' naik berang
barulah terketar-ketar tangan nak menaip
baru terhegeh-hegeh nak mencari
(tak la terhegeh-hegeh pun sebab memang tak jumpa masa cari tu)

akhirnya
setelah dapat artikel yang dicari
menggunakan khidmat google translate yang sungguh membantu
tolong terjemah dari bahasa portugis kepada inggeris ye cik google
akhirnya
menarik nafas kelegaan

Alhamdulillah
tq Allah

Sunday, October 17, 2010

family is the best remedy

critical situations
when you feel like crying and totally out of it
family is the best remedy

you're not saying words to express your feelings
you don't need to cry in order for them to understand
they just know
cause family is the best remedy

it's not their words of advices
not the hug that comfort and protect you
it's just because they are family
and family is the best remedy

indeed, family is the best remedy


tiba juga cuti

minggu yang sangat panjang i guess

sangat letih

penat dengan klinik

pelbagai karenah manusia

sakit gigi pulak

somehow rasa sedih sebab tak dapat siapkan and hantar penulisan kreatif untuk akasia (sebab berperang dengan emosi sendiri and melawan kesakitan yang menggila hinggakan mengalami kesukaran untuk tidur dan berfikir)

tapi dapat gak tolong che pah, nurin and nysah untuk clip video (bukan dalam teknikal, just berlakon)

and we all manage untuk buat persembahan malam tu

and join the pantun yang tak tahu camne tetiba jek boleh menang

sekarang ni sangat lega

tapi sangat memerlukan tidur dan rehat yang panjang

sangat malas untuk belajar walaupun exam semakin dekat

sangat malas untuk klinik sebab memang malas (tak perlu specific reason pun sebab klinik itu memenatkan)

sangat malas untuk menghadap muka sebahagian dari manusia yang senantiasa membuatkan diri sendiri boleh kena darah tinggi in which they would like to make so called innocent face yang akhirnya membuatkan kita juga yang kelihatan teruk (gth la you!)

sangat malas mendengar kata-kata yang berbaur i'm way too good in comparison with you (once again gth la you!)

kesimpulannya i'm really tired and need a very good time for myself


Thursday, October 14, 2010

biarlah

be it gedik
be it mengada
and be it manja

i don't care what people say
one thing that i know that
it is unbearable

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

tak sanggup

skang ni saya tengah menderita sakit gigi

mungkin esok saya akan bertemu dengan dr

saya sebenarnya tak sanggup dah

tak sanggup derita dengan gigi yang sakit ni

tak sanggup juga berjumpa dr sebab sakit

saya buntu

dalam dilema

tolong la

sakit, pergilah jauh-jauh

saya dah nak exam ni

kesian la kat saya


ya Allah,
permudahkan

Saturday, October 9, 2010

saya masih lagi takut

dentist or doktor gigi

bila cakap pasal doktor gigi, sakit gigi ni memang kebanyakan orang akan rasa takut
i would not blame them for feel such thing sebab saya sendiri setelah hampir 3 tahun berada dalam bidang ni masih lagi takut akan dentist
tak tahu kenapa, mengapa, bagaimana
tapi membayangkan diri sendiri berada di atas dental chair dengan mulut yang terbuka tu saja dah buat saya rasa berdebar
and if i were to imagine the pain, of course the anxiety become greater

entahlah..
as far as i could remember, i never had a bad experience in dental care during childhood
but the anxiety of seeing dentist is quite bad..huhu
saya pun tak tahu macam mana
even if i go to dental clinic untuk temankan my mum or brother, still rasa macam nak pecah jantung sebab sangat berdebar

i have several filled teeth which the procedures was painless (as far as i remember la kan)
a root canal treated tooth which already been extracted
tapi nak katanya even dah banyak kali jumpa dentist
dah banyak kali buat treatment (which are painless)
still i cannot hold myself from the anxiety

huhu...
am i going to be scared towards my own self?

Allah, buangkanlah ketakutan itu dari hati hamba...

idea(s) anyone?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

i need to write

i have a very severe toothache
and it makes me feel like to go berserk
seriously,
it is not a pleasant thing to be experienced to

this pain is way too unbearable compared to previous pain
medication to be taken
antibiotic to be finished

classes to be attended
wire to be bended
exams to be think of
make the pain even worse

having the pain radiating to the ear, head and even eye
makes me feel like crying
and now
difficulties in opening mouth

the pain are not explainable
i only can say that it even worse than period pain

ya Allah,
tolonglah saya
final exam is just around the corner

tsk..tsk..tsk...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

kifarah

sakit itu kifarah
penghapus dosa
bersyukurlah anda diuji

Alhamdulillah

Sunday, October 3, 2010

too many things to be written
a lot of thoughts to be shared
but seriously
i loss the words

lots of things that need to be taken care
but least efforts done

emotionally, mentally and physically disturbed

seriously
this intermittent pain is sometimes unbearable

Allah,
please give me strength to face this situation