Thursday, March 31, 2011

OMFS

oral and maxillofacial surgery clinic it is

i spent a long time with my patient today
we talked much about dentistry
the patient seems very interested with things in dentistry

it just good to know that patient is happy with the treatment provided by our dental clinic

wonder why the patient asked me
cik kucingred ni anak bongsu ke??





am i???



Monday, March 28, 2011

grammatical error??

doc: where are you from?
me: selangor
doc: in which school did you study before?
me: sbpi gombak
doc: usually people who lives in kl and selangor area is good in english
me: (petrified and stupefied)

is it a must for us to be good in english?

kat rumah pun aku cakap purely malay with dialek from negeri 9, kedah and kelantan

and fyi my mother-tongue is bahasa malaysia
so, what's with that?
do you have problem with that?

come on la
we are malaysian what?

at least i can speak rather than cannot speak at all
at least i have the courage for that





mom and dad

for all the kindness
for all the soothing words
for all feelings that you've shown
i really thank you a lot

for being rebellious
for being choosy
for demanding things
i really am sorry

i just sometimes an ego child
who didn't admit of doing mistakes
i just sometimes a miss-who-knows-everything
pretending to know everything in this world
i just sometimes a perfectionist
just to appear perfect in front of you

in fact
for real
i'm still a daughter
who wanted to be care of
i'm still a human
who cry when i burst into emotions
i'm still me
no matter how difficult i am

thank you for your existence
for bringing me to this world
thank you for your guidance
for showing me choices in life
thank you
for every single things
which will take a long list to be listed
thank you

for all the mistakes that i've done
please forgive me
i'm merely a human being
whom are not perfect


ya Allah
ampunilah dosaku
serta dosa kedua ibu bapaku
dan Kau kasihanilah mereka
sebagaimana mereka mengasihiku
sewaktu kecil

amin


perkenankan ya Allah


mom and dad
i love you



Sunday, March 27, 2011

a catastrophe week

i can't remember how did i survive in the first place
thank you Allah for bestowing me a little bit of strength to face all this miserable things


monday

doc: you as a student must have your own dignity.
me: what do you mean?
doc: if you make mistake, admit it. if you don't know things, ask. but never ask your doc to do things for you.
me:.....

tuesday

i feel bad for the ward round things
to whom it may concern
you don't know how difficult to deal with the specialist
don't say things as if it is easy
talk is easier than done- if you know la

wednesday

forgot about the drinks and still need to think of the simulation

thursday
am
doc: why did you give yourself low mark for operational skill. you are just assisting, right?
me: i am not a good assistant
doc: why?
me: because i always scolded my operator

pm
doc: next time, if you want to call patient for surgery, tell me first!
me: okay doc

friday
doc: you need to think of quitting from dentistry
me:....

saturday
doc: kenapa awak datang sini hari ni?
saya: ermmm saya sakit tekak
doc: ok.. bukak mulut sikit, saya nak tengok
saya: (buka mulut)
doc: ermmm besarnya tonsil awak! (tengok folder) memang biasa kena tonsilitis ke?
saya: mmmmm
doc: kena buang tonsil ni sebab awak ada recurrent tonsillitis, kena jumpa ENT specialist
saya: tapi, kena ada refer letter kan?


Allah
permudahkan urusan saya


Monday, March 21, 2011

kadang-kadang rasa macam tak tertanggung je dengan semua ni
i can't handle my own feelings

ya Allah
berilah kekuatan and ketabahan dalam hati ini




sometimes being strong is not by holding your tears
but letting them fall

cry kucingred!
cry!!!!



perasaan ini.. Allah saja yang mengerti

Allah
perasaan ini milik Kamu
hati ini milik Kamu
roh ini milik Kamu
jasad ini milik Kamu

ringankan beban di hati hamba
ringankan sengsara hamba
kurangkan derita hamba
permudahkan urusan hamba

Allah
Kamu saja yang mengerti rasa di hati
Kamu saja yang tahu derita di jiwa
Kamu saja yang faham derita ini
Kamu saja yang mengetahui segalanya

saya mahu nangis
tapi tak boleh
saya sangat tertekan
tapi tak terluah

Allah
saya ada Kamu
kerana Kamu saja yang faham
Kamu juga yang tahu

permudahkanlah ya Allah


Sunday, March 20, 2011

...

change for good
change to be better
change for real

Allah
sahhilni
tetapkan hati ini dalam agamaMu

Saturday, March 19, 2011

another side of me

it's been a while for me not to feel these kind of feelings
then it comes again

i do think that i am mentally distress without me noticing it
and i think that i am facing the psychogenic pain

and at this moment
i don't know which is which
which i don't understand of my own feelings

all the symptoms suit several differential diagnoses
which then making it to be so unpleasant

at the mean time
i hope that it won't be something that too serious
let it be something which is common and less side effects

i don't want to take numbers of medications
i don't want to undergo complex treatment procedures
i just want to be okay

i hope these feelings fade as time goes by




Allah
permudahkan segala urusan
tunjukkan kami jalan yang benar
bimbinglah kami ke jalan yang Kau redhai

amin

Friday, March 18, 2011

i am afraid

i am afraid of uncertainties
i am afraid of waiting
i am afraid of being ill

but things are not under our control
life is about facing all the uncertainties
even sometimes it will be ended by sad thing
we need to move on

it's not about having all the things that we wanted so badly
it's about how we learn to cope things that happen to us

Allah
sahhilna

masukkan kami ke dalam syurga dengan rahmatMu
jauhkan kami dari azab nerakaMu

amin

Thursday, March 17, 2011

dia yang mengingatkan II

doc: mana folder patient yang saya nak sign?
me: kat sini doktor.. tapi buku....
doc: hmmmm... saya yang cabut gigi patient tu tadi
me: doktor sign untuk LA je la kot
doc: takpe, saya sign je gigi tu untuk awak
me: tapi, doktor yang cabut
doc: dalam klinik kita bukan nak awak sentiasa dapat cabut semua gigi.. tak guna jugak kalau cabut banyak tapi semua gigi mobile.. benda macam ni yang awak perlu untuk belajar..
me: terima kasih doktor!

yup
that's true
it's about learning

no doubt sangat heaven perasaan dapat cabut gigi
but fail to extract saya dapat melihat skill pakar
still i manage to see how the specialist suture the gingiva
it's meaningful in its own way

:)


Allah
matikan saya dalam iman
matikan saya dalam kematian yang baik

amin



Wednesday, March 16, 2011

i don't blame you

i don't blame you when you said you are stupid when your marks is obviously higher than me
i blame myself for not praising you for the good grades that you have

i don't blame you for letting me cry and tense alone
i blame myself for letting you to watch me crying

i don't blame you for not telling me the truth about everything that happen to you
i blame myself for not be able to be a good friend to you

i don't blame you for the feel of sucks that you have even when you are better than me
i blame myself for not congratulating you for each and every achievements of yours

i don't blame you when you are tense on your workloads
i blame myself for letting you to become a leader when i know you can't

i don't blame you for making me hating you like hell
i blame myself for the feeling that i can't resist to feel

i don't blame you for making me cursing you like a mad hatter
i blame myself for expecting things too high from you

i don't blame you for making me to called you a hypocrite
i blame myself for trusting you in the first place

indeed
i don't blame you for everything that happen
i blame myself for my feelings
for my emotions
for my expectations

i don't blame you for what had happen
i blame myself for everything


Allah
berikan kekuatan
rabbi sahhilna

iAllah




kita terlupa, dia ingatkan

benar
Allah jadikan setiap perkara yang berlaku ke atas kita bersebab
setiap yang berlaku punya asbab
punya hikmah

saya terlupa
lalu dia mengingatkan
Allah datangkan dia sebagai medium
syukur
masih lagi diberi peluang
masih berkesempatan untuk fikir
untuk renung apa yang dah dilakukan

doc: sakit itu tanda Allah kasih dan sayangkan awak. semakin dekat awak denganNya, semakin banyak dugaan yang diberi. macam nabi-nabi kita, kerana kasih, Allah menduga.
saya: betul tu doktor

Allah
mungkin sakit inilah yang mendekatkan aku padaMu
sungguh
kifarah pada dosa-dosa silam
selama ni aku terlalu lalai dan alpa
asifni

astaghfirullahal'azim

ya Allah
moga Kau hidup dan matikan aku dalam iman

amin

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

saya suka tengok patient yang gembira lepas buat treatment

:)

semoga kami diberi peluang untuk menggembirakan hati-hati mereka

tq Allah

Monday, March 14, 2011

tak perlu berputus asa
tak usah bersedih
apa yang penting
teruskan usaha
yang terbaik itu tak mesti dinilai dari hasil
yang penting usaha
kerana pengalaman adalah cikgu yang terbaik


doc: kes patient awak ni complicated
saya: semua kes patient saya macam tu
doc: awak takde patient lain ke?
saya: saya dah ada 3 patients, tapi semua pun ada masalah

takpe kucingred
it's not about fulfilling your requirements
it's all about gaining knowledge and experience

iAllah
tak rugi pun
:)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

i see
i touch
i hear

things are always differ
for me
you
us
them

be it hard to endure
be it difficult to swallow
be it painful to be faced
life must go on

who are you to judge their life?
how do you know their very own life?
why do you think they are better?

what is good for you might not be for them
and what is bad for you might be good for them

that's how life goes
accept it because He knows what best for you

insyaAllah
rabbi sahhilna

:)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

no title

doc: are you thinking of something that bother you a lot?
me: no doc.. and i think i'm happy
doc: indeed.. you look so happy

i hope that i really am happy

not only being happy to camouflage my own feelings

and i still think that i'm happy

:D

big smile from me :D

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dia yang mengetahui

Allah...
sungguh
hati saya pedih
i'm merely a human being
tipu kalau saya tidak sedih atas apa yang berlaku hari ni
tapi
sebagai hamba
saya redha
yakin dan percaya
bahawa hikmah itu ada

kata doc
it's good for you to have the pre-bite registration
so that you can design the denture properly
so that you don't do unnecessary things and wasting your time

kata saya
apakah itu pre-bite registration?
indications-nya apa?
hendak buatnya bagaimana?

mujur saja ada seorang teman yang tahu
dibantu saya yang buntu
Allah
terima kasih atas bantuan ini

seusai membuat block itu
bite registration pula
sungguh
tak seindah yang dikhabarkan
tak semudah yang diceritakan
tertekan
mujur juga doc rasa kesian
atau muka ini kelihatan betul-betul buntu
Allah
terima kasih atas pertolongan ini

kesudahannya
tidak berhasil
minggu depan iAllah sekali lagi
saya masih tak faham
tapi
teruskan sahaja
ada hikmahnya
la tahzan
innallaha ma'ana

kesusahan itu mendekatkan kita padaNya
setidaknya

asifni



Allah, sahhilna

amin

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

s
p
e
e
c
h
l
e
s
s


FULL STOP!


ya Allah
permudahkan urusan esok
amin


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

this is me

lately i am being way too emotional
i don't know why
i hurt easily
i hate easily
but i can't cry at all

at the most severe feelings of mine
i can't even cry a drop of tear
i really am getting confuse

i really dislike of hating people
because i will hate them like hell
tolonglah...
i really think that i need therapy

to whom it may concern
boleh tak kau pergi jauh-jauh dari aku
tolonglah faham yang aku sangat sakit hati kat kau
takkan kau nak aku cakap sendiri kat kau yang kau tu sangat menjengkelkan
perlu ke aku buat macam tu kat kau??
kalau kau rasa tak perlu dan tak nak dengar benda tu
shuh from me
at the very least
until i become neutral
jangan seksa perasaan aku
jangan seksa perasaan kau



Allah,
berikan saya kekuatan untuk berhadapan dengan kehidupan yang mencabar



Monday, March 7, 2011

sentap itu kadang-kadang bagus

sentap
itulah yang kita rasa kadang-kadang
dari sekecik-kecik perkara
sampai la perkara besar
sentap tu boleh berlaku

tapi bagus juga
sebab kadang-kadang
kita rasa kita bagus
bila sentap kita akan berhenti
kemudian berfikir

mungkin itu yang terbaik :)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

dia yang mengingatkan

pernah tak korang berada dalam satu situasi yang korang rasa down sangat
korang rasa cam takde sesiapa yang dapat memahami perasaan korang
korang rasa macam takde siapa yang boleh tolong korang
tapi korang nak
korang perlu luahkan perasaan korang tu
sebab tak tertanggung
orang yang korang percaya mungkin tidak memahami
orang yang memahami mungkin sibuk dengan masalah sendiri
korang lost

i'm not a good servant
not a good daughter
not even a good student

how can i asked Him to grant me so many things
while i'm being an ungrateful servant
being disobey to Him

how can i asked my parents to understand my condition
while i'm being so selfish
for not being understanding

bercakap dengan dia
berbual dengan dia
saya rasa lega

mendengar kata-katanya
menerima nasihatnya
membuka mata saya

sungguh
hikmah itu memang sentiasa ada
yakin dan percaya
hikmah memang ada
mungkin bukan sekarang
bukan detik ini
bukan ketika ini
tapi
janji itu pasti
siapa tahu
esok
lusa
mungkin juga di sana
kita tak tahu

betulkan niat
semua kerana Dia
Dialah yang menciptakan langit dan bumi
yang menjadikan malam dan siang silih berganti
yang menguasai timur dan barat
yang berkuasa ke atas makhlukNya
insyaAllah
dipermudahkan urusan


ya Allah
semoga hidup dan mati saya dalam iman


kepada dia
terima kasih kerana mengingatkan saya yang terlupa
semoga Allah merahmati kamu sekeluarga
thank you



# 25

in my bag there'll be an organizer
a notebook
wallet
keys
pencil case
and lots of medications

once again.. i'm telling you lies

sometimes these feelings are not bearable
it's kind of killing me slowly
and i'm dying

tsk..tsk..
i hate these feelings

:(