Friday, May 27, 2011

what the heck???

i really do hate people that g-pang
for god sake
do they people know that each and every responsibility will be asked on the judgement day?

ada seorang hamba Allah ni
he was promoted
but due to his greed
he wanted to be promoted to other position
which then require him to do more job
(the former job was done by a woman and she got herself promoted and this guy is thinking of replacing her position)
and he got it
but the idiotic guy since for ever never done his job
being lazy and always skip his job
yet again being idiot
try to act clever by "doing" others job
it was and still pathetic!

and there another him
also being idiotic
and with title of i shouldn't mention
being idiot and stupid like hell
claiming things were wrong
which actually he because being idiot
didn't realize that he is cleaning up his closet
again pathetic human being

for god sake
you are being paid for what you work for
so each and every cent that you eat in which you didn't do your job, Allah will asked you later
and remember
you use the money to fed your spouse and child
may it does not become something we don't want it to be

i've bump into several people that have this attitude
and tbh i don't feel like working with them again
and if i were able to choose
certainly will say no to them

i'm tired working with people that do nothing
and at the end
they claims like they were doing things since for ever

and one more
i know you are clever
i know you do things nice
i know you are rich
still you don't have the right to say others stupid
you don't have the right to condemn others as if you are perfect
spell it P.E.R.F.E.C.T dear
and guess what??
you are not
not perfect
neither cool

i know i'm being cruel
i know i'm being mean
but sorry to say
this is reality

it can't be helped

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

manusia...apa nak jadi???

tadi masa i tengah duk sibuk-sibuk berfacebooking
my mum sembang-sembang dengan i
she said that yesterday she went to her previous school which just in front of our house to meet some of her friends (we live in quarters)
and she told me that a day before yesterday
several couples were caught during having sex behind one of the teacher's houses
and i was like what on earth of them doing so
plus it is inside school compound
the girl got the chance of running and she is a form one student
while the boy, the third former students unfortunately was caught in birth-suit

it is pathetic to hear things like this to happen
i cannot imagine how the parents would feel to hear this thing happen in their family
in school
it just so pathetic
apalah nak jadi dengan dunia ni
and the teachers also informing my mum that at the students' port of having sex party
they write comment about what they were doing
and one of the first former girl student was caught because her name is written repetitively by the guys
and when the teacher asked her what happen
she just answer it with
"dah diorang nak, saya bagi yang terbaik la.."
she just 13 yet she said it like she is a pro

ya Allah
apa nak jadi lah dengan dunia ni
dengan Allah tak takut
dengan manusia apatah lagi
yang tak tahan tu
boleh berbangga bila buat maksiat

ya Allah
jauhkan kami dari menjadi manusia yang berbangga dengan kemungkaran
jauhkan kami dari menjadi manusia yang menolak kebenaran
jauhkan kami dari menjadi manusia yang mengamalkan maksiat
jauhkan kami dari fitnah dunia dan dajjal

it's a huge lipan...

oh my god

there's a huge lipan climbing my legs last night
i was searching for hair clip when that creature climbs my legs
i was like what the shell that creeping on my legs
and my eyes was like going to poop out of its origin to see the lipan

and i just ran and became so anxious
terus google the lipan thingy
does the lipan can bite
can it cause death
and during the google session
my dad came out from his room
and he said
"kakak..tengok ni apa.."
and my mum yang tengah tengok tv time tu pun berpaling
she asked
"dapat mana benda tu?"
i tak nampak apa benda yang ayah i tunjuk and muka curious mak i membuatkan i tertanya-tanya..apakah???
i terus tanya
"apa benda tu, yah?"
and ayah pun tunjuk that huge lipan
and i was like.....
"mana ayah dapat benda tu?"
and he said
"benda ni jalan-jalan atas badan orang tadi..ingatkan apa benda, orang kuis la..sekali tengok..lipan"
terus jek i tanya
"dia gigit ke?"
"taklah..dia jalan-jalan je"
i couldn't sleep last night

termimpi-mimpi kot lipan tu
it's so huge

Monday, May 23, 2011

i miss

i miss those time when they called me farhanah/farhana

it's holiday

it's holiday
spell it h.o.l.i.d.a.y

it's good to be home
without books
without clinics
without stress

the routine are just the same
facebooking, blogging, watch something from external hard disk, you tube
mommy and daddy are working
same goes with my big bro and younger bro
which makes only two of us left
me and my youngest bro
a monkey yg ada kat runah kitorang ni

bile la mommy nak cuti ni
i bosan la duduk rumah je

i don't start a thing yet for elective
oh my....

i didn't return the keys and access card yet
oh my....

Sunday, May 22, 2011

reason for not giving up

"I have nobody close to me to be my heroes to look up to in my recovery process,
because they succumbed to cancer.
i lost my grandparents to it.
i understand if they didnt have enough motivation to continue life, to fight cancer.
they've had and achieved everything in their lives.

but me,
i'm 20! ive achieved, NOTHING at all in my life.
i know i still have a long way to go ,
and i wont give up until i win this.
i'm not born a quitter, and i have my reasons to continue this life.

i'm diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer,
with very little chance of living

BUT WHO CARES WHAT STAGE IM IN and what percentage i have left!
you're not God, dont make easy assumptions predecting my lifespan."

one of the inspiring words that i've found during blogwalking

it's true

al-fatihah to the owner of these words
may Allah bless her

no reasons for giving up!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

second or middle child syndrome

here it is again the syndrome
attention seeker i guess..hukhuk
tak dop kaitang langsung

in dilemma again
i'm waiting for a time
for me to happily making decisions without feeling so much trouble like these days
stress tahu
nak buat pilihan pun tak reti
buat pilihan untuk orang pandai pulak kamu ni kucingred

one of the symptoms i guess

Friday, May 20, 2011

water it is...

one day during past professional exam's study session (it was before clinical examinations)
i felt kinda dizzy
sure it is not a pleasant feeling during examination time
i prefer not to take drugs for pain unless it is severe as for less than a year i've took so many NSAID that i think it would damage my liver happily if it's not being controlled
so, for the sake of my examination
i think it's better for me to take 2 tablets of PCM 500mg
it was somewhere around after zohor
i took the PCM and went to the fridge to take a glass of water when i suddenly realize i didn't drink even a sip of water yet for that day
and i just left my PCM on the table and rehydrate myself with a glass of water

i can't really remember when did i started to reduce water intake
i guess it happen when i first living in hostel back then in 2002
and the habit is being maintained ever since then :(

i need to get rid of this not taking water habit

idea(s) anyone
help me
i- i don't forget to drink water
ii- i drink enough plain water

satu lagi
mana nak cari decaff pny coffee ek?

Thursday, May 19, 2011


last week went to dentist (as what is stated on previous post)
doctor took a look on my opg
and she said that my tmj kinda pelik??
idk how pelik is pelik
i always have problem with my tmj
and that's a fact

after being given a splint
still nothing change
and to make it worse
become more painful
and was advised not to wear it for the time being until instructed to do so

i just knew that for some university that has matriculation program
if they learn all the four subjects namely physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics
the pointer will count on three best subjects
how am i not knowing this kind of things?
pathetic me i guess

tak sabar mahu start clinic cons..........

tetiba teringat time first year dulu ada seorang trainee lecturer ni marah kitorang cakap
with your pointer ni you all tak layak enter dental faculty
is that so
just wondering la kan
rezeki itu di tangan Allah
bukan pada pointer tamhidi
buktinya walau org tu dapat rendah pointer tamhidi, tapi degree dia perform
tak tahu la if it's applicable dekat doc tersebut punya u
no further comment

doakan segalanya dipermudahkan

ustaz saya sakit
doakan beliau

thanx semua :)


last week went to dentist
cheh..padahal tingkat atas lecture hall je pun
was complaining of pain????
on transillumination..macam ada crack line kat 21
on radiograph..crack line kat 11
so, the conclusion is.....???

the pain is.....
if in the medicine and surgery posting
bila bagi pain scale to the patient
0 to 10
0 is no pain
10 is the most severe pain or can be equal to toothache or pain on giving birth (exclusive for mommies la)
dah tu
if kt dental clinic
nak analogikan sebagai apa???

because no evidence based
was concluded as hypersensitivity
and was advised to use tooth mousse (camni ke eja dia?)

i really like the malaysian dental students group in fb
it's fun to get know students from other institutions
looking forward to seeing the dental students all over the world :)

for god sake
kinda annoyed with notifications yg bertimbun from former schools pny group
sometimes they post something which really stupid like
malam ni tak jadi futsal sebab ..... and ..... are busy
sunyinya sini harini
apasal tak update status korang (merujuk pada manusia yg bercouple)

oh god..
tempat public
and if it meant for alumni
tak payah la nak cite pasal nak futsal ke apa ke
tolong ek

nota k-file: i kena cari tooth mousse kat pharmacy

nota gates glidden bur: bila agaknya i nak completekan treatment RCT gigi 35 ni?

nota barbed brooch: bila agaknya i nak remove the impacted third molars ni? sometimes they are annoying..

nota h-file: submandibular lymph node is tender..either because of impacted 8 or ada pulpitis kah? or tonsillitis again???

nota apex locator: i hope the pain go for good

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


currently have addiction on choki-choki and bruno mars

sometimes feel like impossible to finish the requirements
especially for prostho

ada tak sesiapa yang boleh menghidupkan semangat prostho?
i really am feel bad upon prostho requirements

it's been a while since doctor forbid me from taking coffee and tea
cuma kadang-kadang termakan jugak kopiko and coffee flavoured sweets

any tips on prosthodontics?
help me please

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

one strong heart

a person that has a very strong heart
never say no to people that hurt them
cry for people that they love
and smile in every pain that come

a very strong heart that the person has
keep them in love even being hated
keep them in calm in a very hectic situation
keep them in peace in tonnes of problem

a heart that the person has is very strong
calming in every love
soothing in every single word
peaceful in every single thing

a person has a heart that is very strong
hold the fears to soothe
hold the tears to ease
hold the dejection for hope

a person that never disappoints
a person that always forgive
a person that never forget
a person that special

nota bitewing: saya pilih menjahit untuk course elective... so not me

nota periapical: saya masih belum pulangkan kunci ke pejabat kkp

nota occlusal view: monyet di rumah saya makan sirih...

semoga saya punya kekuatan untuk course elective ini.. mak kata senang saja untuk buat jahitan ini.. harap-harap begitu la

nota intra-oral radiograph: saya rasa teringin nak buat restoration dan extraction sekarang ni

doakan saya berjaya menjahit!

Monday, May 16, 2011

the people

there's always the people behind every single things that we do
sometimes helping
and sometimes disappointing

no matter how hard for it to be endured
how hard to be faced
just let the people be

they would not get any benefits of our actions

i'm pissed off with so called friend in elective topic selections

if you think my choice is easy and lame
so, it's lame and easy for you
i don't ask your opinion
so don't talk to me like i'm dying for telling you my choice

lucky you i'm not cursing you and slap your mouth as i wanted to do it for quite long time

it's the principle of autonomy here i'm talking about
sukahati tok nenek aku la aku nak buat apa
as if i would ask your parents to support my choice

being patient with you for quite sometimes
and hope it wouldn't end up with me saying a lot of impolite words upon you

i make it clear here that i prefer our relationship is maintained as what it is
and i don't wish you to cross the line and so do i
i don't want the hatred seeds to something that is worse

i know
my bad
i just can't stand this kind of human

ok fine
kalau kamu tak boleh stand dengan saya pun tiada masalah
kita manusia
we can't like everybody
and we can't make everybody to like us
that's fact

nota mouth mirror: it's not good for underestimating others

nota tweezer: sometimes you should know when people not expecting you to react

nota probe: careful what you'll make others feel

nota examination tray: i'm not being cruel.. but this is not the first time for the people to do this and i'm not the only person to feel this

nota apa-apa sahaja: abaikan post ini because it's not you

selamat hari pendidik

saya, kucingred
dengan penuh rendah diri
ingin mengucapkan

buat semua cikgu-cikgu dan pensyarah-pensyarah serta ustaz-ustazah yang tak jemu-jemu berbakti untuk agama, bangsa dan negara

buat warga pendidik di luar sana yang suka makan gaji buta tu
bawak-bawak la bertaubat
ingat, Allah akan mempersoalkan tanggungjawab kita di akhirat kelak

specially thanx and sorry to all pendidik di
taski abim wilayah persekutuan labuan
pasti at-tauheed
sk bandar baru sungai buloh
sar as-solihin
smk bukit gading
smka kuala selangor
sbpi gombak
tamhidi usim
fod usim

tak dilupakan
atok saya En Abdul Latif
and anaknya, merangkap ibu saya Pn Nor Aimi
selamat hari guru!

nota kaki: ada tak sambutan hari dentist??

Sunday, May 15, 2011


at last
dah balik umah


nota forcep: kunci rumah dan access card masih tak hantar lagi

nota coupland: kaki merasa numbness setelah terhimpap dengan troli besi yang keras itu semasa mengangkut barang..tolonglah tiada apa-apa...

nota warwick james: nota yang banyak itu akan dihantar untuk kitar semula atau jual

nota cryers: kurma mereleasekan saya punya statement

Saturday, May 14, 2011


seperti tahun-tahun terdahulu
i would always prefer to go back home a little bit late
sebab i know how sakit your hati when you need to clean others stuffs
to throw away all the things that were left behind
and bla.. bla.. bla..
i always decided untuk jadi antara yang terakhir
so that i will ensure
non of my stuffs are left behind
so that orang lain tak perlu bersusah payah nak tolong hangkut barang-barang tu pergi common house or tong sampah

i cut my finger (the ring finger to be exact) on the left hand
the cut is deep and painful

nota naber's: it's good to be home soon

nota william's: not decided the topic for elective course yet :(

nota gracey's: hormonal imbalance it is

i miss my family and home so much

the tears

it had been so long for us to wait the results
just like one of the surgeon had mentioned
it's sometimes certain people cannot make it

it is hard for us to face this situation
and i bet it is harder for the person themselves to face it

as a friend
i really do feel bad upon this thing
i hope you guys are doing good

i might not be able to teach you guys
i might not be that helpful
but i want you to know that i love you guys so much
and i always join my pray with all of you

if you guys have problem
text or call me
i"ll try my best to help you with what i have

ingat kawan-kawan
kasih sayang Allah itu sentiasa mendahului kemurkaanNya
and He always know what are the best things for us

nota tone: tahniah kepada yang berjaya..kejayaan itu juga ujian

nota power: la tahzan, innallaha ma'ana

nota reflex: maaf kerana saya tidak banyak membantu... i feel bad for this

nota coordination: saya doakan kita semua sentiasa berada dalam rahmat dan kasih sayangNya, insyaAllah



Thursday, May 12, 2011

tadi pagi saya dan beberapa orang kawan menduduki viva untuk subjek behavioural science and oral health...
saya cemas...
sejurus masuk ke ruang peperiksaan dan memberi salam saya diarah untuk duduk
tapi ternyata external examiner itu sangat baik dan friendly
soalan pertama
apa khabar?
(build a good rapport with someone)
kemudian ditanya pula tentang asal dan perasaan menghadiri sesi viva pada hari ini
saya puji
memang seorang doktor yang baik
pandai mengurangkan jurang antara dua individu yang berlainan status

katanya lagi
pendefinisian kami terlalu text book/lecture notes/dictionary oriented
hasil didikan dekan kesayangan sejak dari tahun 1 mungkin

saya berharap
external examiner yang lain juga boleh jadi sefriendly ini
sekurang-kurangnya, hilangkan debaran kami biar hanya seketika
(tidaklah seolah-olah hampir berhadapan dengan cardiac arrest kerana terlalu takut dan terkejut)

nota LA: saya tidak faham kenapa kadang-kadang soalan peperiksaan itu sangat tidak berkaitan dengan apa yang kita belajar.. KBKK kah?

nota syringe: kenapa dalam banyak perkara yang kita belajar, mereka lebih suka membuat soalan perkara yang kita tidak belajar? mengharap pada kesyumulan???

nota cartridge: jangan suka pandang remeh perkara yang kamu malas ambik tahu kucingred sebab selalunya perkara itu yang membuat kamu menyesal

nota malamed: saya teringin nak tahu jadual exam pelajar dental lain kat dalam bumi ni.. adakah memang tercatat bahawa pelajar dental memang ada exam yang disastrous?

insyaAllah, esok result kami akan keluar....
tolong doakan kami semua (27 orang pelajar 2nd batch dental usim) dapat naik tahun tanpa halangan
doakan juga supaya kami semua tak perlu resit exam dental...
thanx semua,
Allah saja yang dapat membalas budi baik kalian

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

just another me

for each and many of my friends did
and for feelings that we used to share
i'm writing this just to write
no offense and no heart feelings kay

because i've promised myself not to make my mother especially to feel sad
i just enter this university
i was offered to pursue medicine a twinning program apart from this institution
and i asked my mum to make decision for me (as second and middle child are not good in making any)
during tamhidi
when filling the faculty application form
i made my own choice
because it was going to be my path, my career
and i chose dentistry as the first choice
and all praises to Allah
i'm in this field right now
the one that i chose
and i believe
He gives me everything that i need
not things that i want

when i was in second year
i asked my mother
"mak... mak pernah tak terfikir yang kita akan ambik dentistry?"
and she said
"mak tahu... kamu dengan ajan selalu serius dalam study... mak percaya yang kamu dengan dia akan ambik course yang berat macam ni... along dengan achik pulak dari kecik lagi dah nampak kreatif... dan mak percaya yang diorang akan pergi ke arah yang macam tu"
and i asked her again
"ye lah.. tapi mak pernah ke terfikir yang kita akan ambik dentistry?'
and she answered me
"tak pun.. sebab pergigian bukan sesuatu yang biasa dengar"
i replied her
"betul tu.. kita pun masih tak percaya yang kita ambik dentistry"
and i smiled

i just want to make her happy
the last time i cried through phone to reach her was in first year
it was during carry mark results was given to us
i cried cause i was so sad with it
and she consoled me
before hang up the phone she said
"jangan macam ni.. kamu buat mak jadi risau"
and again
i promised myself not to make her worry

but i failed
again i was crying through phone during optech session
and i asked my mother
where did i get the lefthanded genetic from
(bodoh gile tanya soalan macam tu..)
and she said that
"guna tangan kanan kan lebih baik.. berkat"
and i agreed

and now
i cried in toilet
i cried after clinics
i cried after exams (yang ni kadang-kadang je kot)
i cried when i failed
i cried when i mad
i cried when i stressed up
it just i don't cry through phone
because i don't want to make her sad
i don't want her to be worry
because i love her so much

footnote: i really am differ when i am at home and with friends.. maybe second child syndrome is true actually

doakan kami semua...tq

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


saya tidak suka bercerita kepada orang bahawa saya merupakan pelajar pergigian
bukan kerana saya tidak suka course ni atau apa
tapi saya tidak suka bila ada saja mulut-mulut laju yang suka menyatakan
i- wah, hebatnya ambik dentist... mesti budak pandaikan?
ii- best la kau, amek course yang hebat-hebat... tak macam aku ni...
iii- kenapa ambik dentist? ni mesti sebab tak lepas nak ambik medic kan?

mulut orang
saya boleh buat apa?
mulut saya sendiri pun tak terkawal

saya cuma nak bagitahu kat sini
pergigian mungkin satu course yang boleh dikategorikan agak lain sebab
bukan semua institut ada fakulti pergigian
bukan semua orang terdedah dengan course ni
(saya rasa hampir separuh, mungkin lebih yang tak tahu pergigian ni ada banyak cabang)

dan saya nak bagitahu yang saya berada dalam bidang ni
seperti kamu-kamu di luar sana
saya tak larat nak jawap soalan kenapa pergigian bukan perubatan
ini rezeki saya
jalan yang Allah beri pada saya
saya cuma minta kalian doakan yang terbaik untuk saya

satu lagi
seperti yang mak saya selalu cakap
kalau benda itu namanya belajar
tiada jalan mudah
jalannya tak senang
jadi, baik medic, dentist, engine, cikgu, arkitek, polis, askar, kerani dan apapun
kalau dah namanya hidup
kalau dah dipanggil belajar
tiada yang senang
skop mungkin berbeza
tapi menuntut ilmu itu pasti ada dugaan

don't judge people based on what they are doing
i bosan ok

nota kaki: menghormati perbezaan itu adalah yang terbaik

doakan kami semua untuk peperiksaan ini....tq


something happen
and it makes me thinking of writing this
this just a little piece of memoir in my life
just a little bit

i still remember back then in 2002 during my first former of secondary school
in our place, we are been given offer letter to proceed to either school in that area
and i've got the nearest school from my house which is just in front of the house
apart from having KAA, this school has the worst history of discipline ever in our area

i never ever want to live in hostel
and i don't know why parents always wanted their child to do so
but i try not to say no to my parents

i always blaming hostel for not being able to be with my family during my grandmother's leg amputation
i always blaming hostel for not being able to be with my family when my little brother was accident
i always blaming hostel for not being able to know my father was admitted to hospital due to dengue
and i always blaming hostel for not being able to go to my uncle's funeral

i know
it does sound pathetic for me to blame hostel for all these things
as if i were there, things are going to change

i never told my parents
how much the hatred for being there

i still remember in form one
during usrah session
the seniors are like kind of dissatisfy with us
and in musolla that time (dak laki pergi sembahyang jumaat masa tu)
they were like a psycho
really mad at us for unknown reason
i still remember they said iklil is way too cocky because she only sleep during weekends
they also mentioned about qystina is conquering the fan at night
their mind is way too low
seriously, i don't get it
why they were acting like a moron?
unacceptable attitude from so called religion school students
(that is also why they were acting like so desperately need opposite gender's love- according to maslow's hierarchy of need)
and the most stupid part ever for them to act is
crying and peluking us like we are going to die due to suffocation when they are about to exam
(omg.. yang kau buat dosa berkepuk-kepuk fitnah orang bagai nak rak segala tu kau tak fikir.. yang kau fikir exam kau je..seriously disgusting human being)

okay i kind of overwritten unnecessary things
this is not what i wanted to regret of

back then in my fourth and fifth former
i moved to other school- again i was trying not to say no to my parents
but i can't lie to myself
it's difficult
the classes are way too heavy
time prep ada kelas
hujung minggu ada kelas
time cuti ada kelas
senang cakap selagi ada masa, ada waktu, then we need to be in class

one day....
i was like really tense for having all these stuffs
i just went to see our principal because i failed my history paper
i was hoping for my parents to come
to at least soothe my feelings upon these things
daddy was mad at me
so mad because i'm a little bit late
and he scolded me like i was late for ages

i am human being
i have feelings
and without further thinking
i reply my dad with tears
i said
"tunggu 5 minit pun tak boleh sabar ke?? kita dah lama sabar.. bukan 5 minit, tapi 5 tahun.. pernah ke nak faham hati ngan perasaan orang lain.."
i never thought of those words could came out from my mouth
i saw my mother was crying after i said those words
daddy was so mad and he packed all stuffs and ask my mum to go back home
and i silently, with tears just watching them leaving the school

it's hurt to see my mother cried for things like that
i was supposed to be a little bit patient on that day
that's it
but i hurt person that i love the most with my words

sejak tu saya berjanji
saya tak akan buat mak saya menangis dengan perbuatan saya
saya cuma nak jadi anak yang baik
i don't want to hurt her

saya sayang mak saya
tapi saya tahu
sayang mak pada saya lebih kuat dan dalam dari apa yang saya rasa

semoga Allah lindungi mak dalam rahmat dan kasih sayangNya

i really am regret for thing that happen
saya bukan anak yang baik sejujurnya...

nota CVS: bosan dengan kata-kata yang tidak menggambarkan perkara sebenar

nota respiratory: annoy dengan kamu-kamu yang hipokrit (sama dengan point CVS)

nota abdomen: action speaks louder than word (if you know what i mean)

semoga Allah mempermudahkan urusan kita semua, insyaAllah

Monday, May 9, 2011

dalam pada kepeningan saya menduduki peperiksaan
tidak pula saya tahu ada sesuatu yang berlaku di luar pengetahuan saya
sesungguhnya saya hanyalah manusia
saya tidak tahu apa yang bukan di depan saya
bahkan apa yang di depan tetapi tidak diluahkan juga saya tidak tahu....

ya Allah
semoga semuanya baik-baik saja

doakan kami semua berjaya naik ke tahun 4

i'm not being rude
but sometimes words doesn't count
actions are better i guess
(jangan cakap je bai tapi habuk pun takde)


being the only daughter do make things a little bit differ
i might be the only suitable person to talk with
i might be the only person to understand
or shall i say that i was force to understand things up to their standard

i love my mother with all my heart
i love my father with all my heart
and i love my brothers

i want them to be happy
i want each of them to be blessed by god
i want them to know how much i love
for things that i've never mentioned or shared
i just want they know how do i feel inside

i can only write these to express
but beyond these things
only Allah knows how do i feel
for it cannot be written in words

thanx for supporting me during the hardships and failures
while facing sorrows and dejections
thank you for being there

Thursday, May 5, 2011

a word brings thousand emotions
a word leads thousand interpretations


Wednesday, May 4, 2011


i am cocky
lot cockier than you can imagine myself to be

aku dah agak benda macam ni memang laju je akan sampai kat telinga orang
if i deny it pun tetap orang akan cakap macam tu
jadi aku nak buat pengakuan besar-besaran


harap semua pihak akan berpuas hati dengan statement ni

aku sangat cocky walaupun aku tak tahu nak clerk patient tu
aku sangat cocky sebab cuba membenarkan GCS yang aku jawab cam bodoh tu
aku sangat cocky sebab cuba mempertahankan GCS yang memaksa kita untuk intubate patient tu
aku sangat cocky dengan memberi differential diagnosis yang tak betul

apa lagi?
tolong la aku listkan lagi kecockyan aku dalam exam semalam
biar puas hati semua orang
biar semua orang tahu aku ni student yang bajet bagus giler depan specialist padahal bukan tahu apa pun

maaf sebab aku membawa perception yang buruk terhadap fakulti kita
maaf sebab aku memang terlalu amat sangat cocky

dan terima kasih semua sebab sangat concern dengan kecockyan aku

nota abdomen: dah lama tak nangis before and after exam macam harini.. time mintak measuring tape tadi suara aku memang bergetar tahap apa

nota thyroid: changing for better, for good i guess.. tak payah gatal nak cakap apa-apa lepas ni kucingred.. buat sakit hati orang lain jek

nota jaundice: terima kasih buat yang sudi mendengar tangisan aku yang tak merdu langsung tadi tu.. thanx for being understanding

nota MVA: obviously aku ni memang tak baik, jadi aku harap aku dapat spouse yang boleh ajar aku jadi manusia yang lebih baik

C.O.C.K.Y k.u.c.i.n.g.r.e.d

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

modified long case general surgery

guess what
sudahlah tak boleh jawab
siap kene sound lagi dengan examiner
prepared for the worst thing to happen la kot

ya Allah
permudahkanlah urusan kami

mesti doktor fikir yg aku ni sangat budget bagus..

well, sebab tu org kata jgn gabra
kan sudah jadi GCS max 15 score with M=5,V=6,E=4
sangat sesat ok
dari mana aku dapat kekonfidenan itu jgn ditanya
it was the stupidest answer for basic thing ok

apa2 je lah
doakan yang terbaik untuk short case general surgery and modified long and short case general medicine
all the best semua!

insyaAllah, rabbi sahhilna

Sunday, May 1, 2011


i am not that good
get rid all of your imaginations about me
i'm merely human being
i cry when i'm sad
i failed in exams
i have feelings
there's always dark side of me
and i have secrets
because i am human being
stop thinking like that
because i ain't perfect

i'm not pleased with that if you do so to please me
i'm not happy if you think of making me happy with that

and i mean it!

things are not going to happen as what we wanted it to be
it happen according to our need

be thankful for every single thing

a reminder to myself


watching some stories in television lately
make me realize how important things in our life
just because it is easy for us to gain
it never does mean that thing is not meaningful

something that might be very dear to us might be not to others
and vice versa
and for that reason at least
be thankful for what we have

for us to waste our money for dumb idiot thingy
in some place, people hold their need just to please their children needs
to waste foods and drinks
in some place, people are dying for not getting enough nutrition
for us to whine all day long
people are facing horrible things that you might not even thought of

differences that compliment us
differences makes us unique
differences makes better me
differences bring unity

i hope that i won't be that selfish
nor being an ungrateful human

lots of love