Friday, December 31, 2010

rentetan 2010

Alhamdulillah, syukur kerana masih lagi diberi peluang olehNya untuk terus bernafas di atas dunia yang penuh tipu daya

entry harini bertujuan untuk recap balik all the things that happen it this year macam yang kat TV3 tadi

akademic and faculty
Alhamdulillah,
-lulus professional exam yang kedua membolehkan naik ke tahun 3
-dapat siapkan all the requirement untuk optech
-pergi clinical attachment and gain a lot of new knowledge
-siap jugak requirement pre-clinical untuk cons
-lulus competency test and start treating patients

kesihatan
-fever, cough and cold
-repeated tonsilitis
-got a tooth rct and failed. already extracted
-got hep b vaccination which was really hurt
-got steroid injection due to allergy to unknown substance
-chipping of (ke fracture?) a distal area of tooth, temporary filled, has a series of severe pain, pulp extirpated and still incomplete treatment
-got a lot of radiation exposure
-got a lot course of antibiotics
-was diagnosed to have several abnormal tooth ______ (structure ke hape ke idk)

feelings
-developing hatred to a guy
-stable hatred to a so-called-professional

there are lots of things to be written
but i'm way too lazy...

to people out there,
selamat tahun baru
semoga tahun 2011 membawa kebaikan yang bertambah kepada kita semua
iAllah :)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

kisah aku yang bengang

aku bengang bukan bangang ok!

sebelum ni every time aku naik klinik tingkat 16 nak jumpa dr
diorang akan keep on cakap pergilah buat treatment dengan sr
aku ni tak kisah pun nak buat treatment dengan siapa
it just takde masa lapang nak gi klinik time sr punya klinik
so, sebab nak tolong sr, i went to their clinic petang tadi

in the clinic
hari ni group kak huda disupervisekan oleh dr tersebut
(which aku tak terliur pun nak mention nama dia dalam blog aku ni)
dah la aku memang tak suka dia- point no. 1 untuk aku wat perangai macam najis mukhaffafah
dia pun sememangnya pernah ada isu dengan budak batch aku- point no. 2 untuk aku wat perangai cam najis mutawasitah
dia cakap benda yang obviously unsubstantiated pasal aku (aku memang la pantang sungguh kalau orang yang tak tahu apa-apa ni tapi suka jadi mr/miss-i-know-everything)- point no. 3 untuk aku wat perangai cam najis mughalazah
and i was like wth
ko pehal nak cakap camtu pasal aku

sebab manusia cam hamba Allah ni lah
aku ngan kawan2 aku kena belajar behavioural science macam nak mati
otak tuhan bagi ko tu suh guna untuk fikir
bukan wat pekasam

you are so not professional
bukan sebab apa yang berlaku kat aku je aku cakap macam ni
ko ingat ak tak tahu apa staff kat tingkat 16 tu cakap pasal ko?
i do observe people and what's more important is i am not jumping into conclusion as what you did to me
so childish and way too immature
do feel ashame la wei kata kat orang macam tu
by doing that
you just cleaning up your closet

i'm writing it here so that in the future
i still remember things that happen to me
regarding this field

i really hate dentists
and i hate you!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

rage with all my heart

warning: this post may contain impolite words. to those who do not like cruelty, you are advised to leave this page a.s.a.p. tq!

i don't know when this kind of feelings start to develop
YOU!
i am so sorry
i'm very sorry

i've tried with all my heart to forget what you have done to me
but i'm just a so stubborn and super ego 21 years old female
i cannot help myself to forget what had happen
i cannot help myself from hating you
it just cannot be helped!

YOU!

don't ask me where did you go wrong
don't even dare to ask me what are your mistakes
because it just a lot
too long to be listed
and i am too tired to list it for you

YOU!

i don't know what else to do
the feeling of love and friendship that surround us before already fade
not only fade i guess
it breaks
and causing me to suffer a lot of pain

YOU!

i hope you will not do things that will cause me to hate you more
because it is difficult for me to hate people
and guess what
you are tough enough to make me hate you with all my heart
i appreciate your strength

YOU!

for all the sadness from your words
for all the hatred from your actions
for all the negative feelings from what you have done
i forgive you
but,
i am sorry
because along with my forgiveness
i cannot forget all those things
i keep on repeating it in my mind
i am not deleting your messages
so that i will keep on remember what you did and be more careful

am i being too cruel???

kucingred: no, it just a kind of self defense

to YOU!

so sorry i just hate you

bubbye~



tagged by ckin

1st : copy n ltk picx nie.


2nd : pendapat sy ttg blog..

saya rasa kat blog ni saya boleh tulis apa yang saya rasa and maybe write something that cannot be said.. sort of meditation to reduce stress perhaps

3rd : tnjuk gambar dekstop..

kalau dah tukar gambar lain kot baru tunjuk.. segan pulak nak tunjuk


4th : snap picx anda skrg tak kira ap jua keadaan.

next question please!

5th : adkh anda prnh hlg brg tsyang?

if manusia tu consider as barang, yes
if gigi tu consider as barang, double yess
if kepercayaan tu consider as barang, triple yesss


6th : word describe si dia

si dia??? saya tiada kenalan yang bernama si dia... next!!!

7th : anda pandai memasak? bila kali terakhir?

mak saya kata, semua orang pandai masak.. ia antara malas masak or masak tak sedap.. jadi, saya pandai masak..
kali terakhir saya masak adalah isnin, 20/12/2010

8th : tag org laen,10 org.

kalau baca and anda rasa rajin, buatlah... and tell me so that i can pay you a visit.. tq

a long week

minggu ni sangat panjang
terasa sangat panjang
terlalu amat panjang

pengalaman yang menarik untuk dilalui
cuma bukan yang terbaik untuk diingati

thanx to sarah and nurin
sebab temankan saya ke klinik idzham and emergency department hospital ampang

thanx kepada zahrah
sebab bagi saya patient untuk klinik os

thanx again to nurin
for the paediatric patient

tq everybody for your support

to YOU
off you go
i really hate you
and i mean it
go away please



ya Allah
berikan saya kekuatan dan kesabaran
jauhkan perasaan benci dari hati ini
suburkanlah kasih antara hati kami

amin

Sunday, December 19, 2010

aku tak tahu!

kenapa lepas aku floss gigi aku akan rasa sakit masa bite?

is it normal or not?

kalau benda yang sama jadi kat patient aku yang floss after aku bagi ohi

aku nak cakap apa kat diorang?

takkan aku nak cakap

"takpe makcik, adik, akak, abang, pakcik

gigi saya pun sakit jugak lepas floss"

kompius la

bukan ke floss tu untuk increase and promote good oral hygiene?

tapi kenapa jadi sakit??

is it normal???

or it just me that being so abnormal?

just a deviation from normal curve???

this feeling is freaking annoying

tulun... tulun... tulun...


Saturday, December 18, 2010

professional ke?

professionalism

apakah professionalism tu?

sejenis mamalia?

reptilia?

mungkinkah beliau itu amfibia?

in what manner you judge people is being professional?

their attire?

attitude?

appearance?

as for me

to be honest

i consider people are professional when

they work nicely with the person that they hate

they admit their mistakes even to a less experienced people

they can work under pressure without being stress

they do not assume things

they listen to others even to something which is ridiculous

and one the most important thing is that

they are not being bias and emotional

saya ni bukan seorang yang professional

but i try to be one

k

chow bedah!

Friday, December 17, 2010

saya tak paham dengan masalah gigi saya

saya berharap ianya tiada apa-apa

saya sangat risau

sekian

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

i am a human being

i am a human being
smile
laugh
cry
i have done

i am a human being
happy
satisfy
tense
i do feel

i am a human being
family
friends
animals
i might rude

i am a human being


stop this nonsense kucingred!

aku tak punya kekuatan

ya Allah
bila fikir klinik prostho je rasa cam nak nangis
aku tak punya kekuatan utk berhadapan dengan klinik prostho
aku rasa tak berdaya
mampu ke aku nak puaskan hati patient and hati aku sendiri?

Allah,
berikan kekuatan

Monday, December 13, 2010

ya Allah

andai itu yang terbaik bagiku

permudahkanlah

andai itu bukan untukku

jauhkanlah

perkenankanlah ya Allah

Sunday, December 12, 2010

sometimes choices are too difficult for a decision to be made

i'm just 21

choices are not something for me to think of (at least for the time being la)

i know i'm being too immature

but i just don't know how to make the right choice

so that in the future i don't regret things i've chose

i am in dilemma

help me!!!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

berita dah basi

dilanda kemalasan- tiada alasan kukuh

kg cheras baru, 7 dec- seorang pelajar fakulti pergigian u*** telah dikenalpasti menghadapi kemalasan yang teramat terutama menjelang hari khamis kerana perlu hadir ke klinik prosthodontics. beliau yang hanya ingin dikenali sebagai kucingred berkata bahawa beliau memang tidak menggemari klinik tersebut lantaran ketelitian yang diperlukan sepanjang proses penghasilan gigi palsu. selain itu, beliau yang sememangnya terkenal dengan kemalasan berkata bahawa beliau bukanlah seorang yang teliti, justeru mengurangkan lagi kesungguhan beliau dalam menghasilkan gigi palsu. tambahan pula, daya kreativiti yang rendah menyebabkan beliau tidak dapat membayangkan tanda tempat anatomi (anatomical landmark) pesakit beliau dengan baik. bagaimanapun menurut seorang pensyarah beliau yang tidak ingin dikenali, tiada alasan yang kukuh telah dinyatakan kucingred tentang kemalasan itu. seorang rakan beliau turut mengulas tentang sikap malas yang ternyata sudah sebati dengan jiwa beliau. rakan beliau yang hanya ingin dikenali sebagai W berkata "mungkin kehadiran seseorang yang istimewa dapat mengubah sikap kucingred." - ternama

Friday, December 3, 2010

i don't get it

i don't get it

why you are being so irrational and irresponsible

you are looking so nice

yet you are just the same

now i know

why they mention

"don't ever judge a book by its cover"

and this is the reason

FULL STOP!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

feelings

i don't know why
i have these kind of feelings
not a pleasant feeling for sure

i want to cry
but i can't

it just a mixture of feelings
and combination of emotions

why oh why

i am having these kind of weird things

i'm insane

full stop!
saya ingin pergi jauh dari kamu!!!


atau mungkin kamu yang perlu pergi jauh dari saya

tolong jangan seksa hati dan perasaan saya lagi


Monday, November 29, 2010

the price that you need to pay

this is the price that you need to pay

pay it with your tears
pay it with your smiles
pay it with your laughs
pay it with your love

this is the way for you to get it
in order for you to take it
you need to pay
nothing is free in this world dear

be it sometimes unbearable
be it sometimes killing you silently
be it sometimes disgusting
be it sometimes too hard to endure

this is the price that you need to pay!

feels like giving up
feels like crying madly
feels like ignoring things
feels like dying

but this is the price that you need to pay

for you to stand still
lots of tears being waste

for you to keep walking
lots of emotions are burst

for you to remain fighting
lots of failures you have faced

for you to move on
lots of hardship you endure

and this is the price that you need to pay...

stop, cries, relax and reflect

bored of the same routines
and feel like giving up
STOP!
and take your very own time to your dearest self

tense of the same tasks
and feel like carrying a huge burden
CRIES!
and take your time to face the situation

tired of the same situations
and feel like letting it go
RELAX!
and take your precious time to soothe your mind

burden with all the mistakes done
and feel like nothing you can do to correct the situations
REFLECT!
and take your time to change yourself


Sunday, November 28, 2010

hati dan perasaan

hati saya ada satu
perasaan saya lebih dari satu
bercampur
beribu mungkin

saya sangat malas
tekanan sedikit

i'm hoping that i can become more mature as i grow older
not hope i suppose
i should
and it's a must i guess
well, changing is not an easy task to be done
very challenging
for a very not independent gedik girl like me

hoping that things will be better
or shall i change it to make things better

things are getting harder and more difficult
yet me being too immature and act stupidly

just live my own life
go with the flow
and cry in sleep
haha

gilo punya kucingred!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

getting older

holla~

minggu ni terasa sangat panjang
walaupun baru minggu pertama setelah cuti sem
tapi perasaan seakan sudah berbulan-bulan bergelumang dengan kelas dan klinik
masakan tidak
klinik kami yang dulunya pada hari isnin dan khamis telah bertambah satu hari lagi
iaitu hari jumaat
klinik yang dahulunya conservative dentistry dan prosthodontics sahaja telah ditambah dengan oral surgery, periodontics dan paediatric dentistry
mengundang kepenatan dan kelesuan barangkali

klinik bertambah bermakna keperluan untuk mencari patient juga bertambah
berapa ramai rakyat malaysia yang tinggal berdekatan ampang yang memerlukan khidmat rawatan pergigian?
berapa ramai di antara kalian yang mempunyai masalah gigi berlubang?
berapa ramai antara anda yang perlu dicabut giginya?
berapa ramai dalam kalangan kanak-kanak yang punya kekuatan untuk berjumpa doktor gigi?

ya Allah,
permudahkan urusan kami

note: thanks to all for the birthday wishes and presents....to housemates, thanks sbb temankan makan steamboat and to seniors, thanks for the souvenirs from bandung...

love you guys..ukhwah fillah abadan abada!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

i just want to write...

it's already two and a half years
and to be specific
it's already five semesters i've spent my time studying here i suppose

five semesters
not too long to make me feel that i am old enough at the moment
yet not too short that i've created lots of things and experienced tonnes of memories including the bad one and not to mention the good one

i still remember the first time i got the offer letter to fod
making me feel like i was dreaming
dentistry
spell it D.E.N.T.I.S.T.R.Y
it was and still i suppose
something rare
it's not like rare in term of awkward or bizarre
it just a little bit deviate from the normal curve
that's it
making it become quite a lot differ and special i guess

during the orientation week
i'm telling the truth that i dislike biology
i still remember one of the trainee lecturer asked
"if you don't like biology, then why you choose dentistry as your first choice?"
and the reason for me choosing this faculty in the first place is still the same
and that particular trainee lecturer said
"if that's so, why don't......."
and me just stand still
and smile i guess hearing the trainee lecturer or the dentist saying that sentences
the next day
i'm going to the dentist, asking for a sign
a task for freshies
and the dentist asked
"you are the one who dislike biology, don't you?"- asking me confidently
and me without hesitate just nodding my head
"introduce yourself" the dentist instructed me
and asked several questions
and before i go the dentist called me and said
"well, dentistry is not merely about biology. it's the combination of sciences and you'll find it is an interesting field to be explored"

************************************************************************************

2 b continued

y oh y???

mengapa cuti hanya sekejap???
mengapa???

mengapa e-nilai terdapat ramai lecturer yang tidak ku kenal???
mengapa???

tidak mahu pulang ke ampang..
boleh???

Monday, November 15, 2010

clicking

clicking temporo-mandibular joint
tetap
walaupun exam dah habis
tekanankah?
agak menjengkelkan ok

Friday, November 12, 2010

serabut

luahan hati kucingred lepas exam

Alhamdulillah,
kami dah selamat habis 13 papers untuk exam final sem satu
and to be honest
several papers were too difficult kalau nak compare ngan papers yang lain
papers tersebut adalah......
periodontology (muntah)
oral and maxillofacial surgery (muntah hijau)
prosthodontics (muntah darah)
oral pathology and oral medicine (muntah+nanges air mata darah)

ok
sangat kuciwa k
and
to make things 'happier'
tadi result mid sem keluar untuk subjek cons and pros -pelik tapi benar-
and guess what
saya GAGAL subjek pros
hati saya tak gembira sebab
saya gagal
and paper final ni pulak tak leh jawab
arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
tekanan ok

takpe
exam dah habis
tunggu je la lepas cuti ni for the results
terima dengan hati yang terbuka ye kucingred

semoga kamu menjadi orang yang bersabar.....


tq kak ain and sarah for birthday present in advance...

sesiapa, saya nak buku armagedon 2012 untuk hadiah birthday saya nanti
harganya rm31++
juga mahu buku what your teacher didn't tell you rm40
pleeeeaseeeeeee!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

~lalla~

tagged by zara...

1. entah kenapa saya ada satu perasaan bahawa semua yang ada di sekeliling saya adalah satu penipuan.
2. saya tak suka lelaki yang pakai rantai dan gelang.
3. tak suka iron baju.
4. tak suka bau glove.
5. suka sangat makan kerang.
6. suka juga makan sup.
7. tak boleh terima minuman yang ada bendasing.
8. suka tangok video orang kahwin.
9. tak suka pergi shopping lama-lama sebab tak reti nak pilih barang sendiri.
10. tak suka tengok wayang sebab takut dengan situasi dalam panggung.
11. tak suka study.
12. tak suka orang yang kedekut tapi suka mintak orang lain punya barang.
13. rasanya saya ni tak berkira sangat kot.
14. saya segan nak mintak hutang kat orang so, sape2 yang hutang saya tu tolong la alert.
15. seorang yang pemarah and sangat panas baran.
16. tak suka orang yang bajet diri dia superior to others..rasa cam nak sumbat mulut dia dengan buah durian.
17. bila rasa sangat terluka dengan orang, saya takde kekuatan untuk berdepan dengan orang tu dan buat biasa...things change after the incident.
18. dia yang menggembirakan saya adalah dia yang selalu melukakan saya..common kan?
19. saya malas.
20. saya dilahirkan di kaunter pendaftaran/pertanyaan hospital. (tak sure pendaftaran ke pertanyaan..tp rasanya pendaftaran)
21. tak suka biology.
22. tak suka duduk hostel.
23. tak tahu kenapa tapi saya tak suka jumpa dentist.
24. tak suka lelaki yang dah berkahwin tapi gatal.
25. bila sangat marah pada seseorang, saya suka belanja orang lain makan untuk legakan perasaan.

cikeh, sila buat...
- write 25 things about u

sapa yg berminat, leh buat and inform me by leaving ur comment n i'll pay u a visit..
tq

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

perasaan ini.. susah nak tafsir..

Alhamdulillah, berkat izin serta rahmat Allah yang Maha Agung
we all dah selesai 10 papers or subjects untuk sem ni
tapi perlu diingatkan
masih berbaki 3 papers or subjects lagi
iaitu:
oral pathology oral medicine
general surgery
prosthodontics

tapi inilah masalahnya
makin ke penghujung, makin tiada mood untuk exam
makin sambil lewa

huhu
exam harini ngan semalam sangat terlalu amat disastrous
huhu....
bukan bermakna yang lain tu ok
tapi yang ini paling dasyat (buat masa ni)

dah lama tak de rasa tu
rasa blur
rasa tak tahu apa-apa
rasa....
even i cannot explain those feelings

kalau tak silap (kalau silap maafkan saya k)
kali terakhir saya rasa macam ni adalah masa jawab paper biochemistry and anatomy time first year dulu (of course to be specific paper anatomy sebab biochemistry first paper pro exam)
serius
saya tak tahu apa yang saya jawab
dan saya tak tahu apa yang saya tahu
perasaan yang sangat terlalu amat sukar untuk saya tafsirkan

besar sungguh dugaan dan pengorbanan yang perlu dihadapi untuk berjaya
tapi jangan mengalah
Allah takkan bebankan kita dengan something yang kita tak mampu kan?
semoga Allah permudahkan urusan saya dan kamu


"maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,
sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,
maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari satu urusan) tetaplah bekerja keras (untuk urusan lain),
dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap"
(94:5-8)


Saturday, November 6, 2010

unspoken

7 papers to go..
too many...
cannot digest...

you...
you...
you...
you are too close to be seen
yet too far to be touched

oh,
emo la pulak

bila exam nak habis ni?
hati ni dah meronta-ronta
tak sanggup dah nak baca notes yang bertimbun ni
tolong!!!

sekali lagi
saya kegilaan...
huhu

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

budak tak sedar diri

hoho...saya ada gejala early childhood caries...
haha.. perasan giler early childhood..
tapi yang penting saya adalah tidak sedar diri
saya snacking masa study ok
saya dah giler..huhu

Sunday, October 31, 2010

-xpress-

i might be mean to you
i might not nice to you
i might talking harsh words to you
i might not a good friend to you

before it's too late
before you cannot hear what i'm going to say
before i cannot say things that i wanted to
before we get separated

i would like to say

thank you for your existence
that shine up my life all this while

thank you for being by my side
along my happiness and sadness

thank you for your care
through difficulties and sickness

thank you for being my friend
for which it is irreplaceable

and i wanted you to know that

even it seems like i don't care
even it looks like i don't mind
even i didn't be a good listener
even i didn't give you a shoulder to cry on
even i didn't able to wipe your tears
even i didn't manage to make you smile

do know that i'm very poor in expressing my feelings

and i want to say this three words to you (but i am shy)


i love you


friends...


mmmm

right now
to be specific
at this moment
i don't want to go for another treatment
and to be specific
dental treatment

insyaAllah
tomorrow afternoon
i will finish the 5 day course of metronidazole a.k.a flagyl
and hopefully
there is no another course of antibiotics to be taken after this

Alhamdulillah
the severe pain is reduced
and it's changing in its pattern
now, i'm just having an intermittent pain
and pain on biting
even the pain still annoys me a lot
yet it improves
not disturbing my sleep
not disturbing my study
not causing me to cry
not causing me difficulties during biting (even though it's still pain on biting, yet it's far much better than before lor..)

and that is one of the reason that causing me avoiding another treatment
i am afraid that treatment will cause me to feel another series of pain
which this is my greatest concern in seeing a dentist at the moment

i am grateful right now
even the pain killer still does not kill the pain
but the pain is reduced and can be tolerated by myself

i'm hoping that the next appointment is going to be in the next semester
can or not?
because
i don't want to experience pain during the exam week
it's too much disturbing

thank you Allah
for giving me the opportunity to feel the pain
that makes me being grateful for the state of well being and healthy

thank you Allah
for another experience
another day
another test

Saturday, October 30, 2010

semangat yang hilang

ya Allah
aku betul-betul dah takde mood nak study ni
sangat malas
penat
baca pun tak habis-habis
sangat banyak untuk dihadap dan ditelan
sangat pening menghadap nota-nota yang penuh dengan tulisan
memang takde semangat dan mood untuk exam
tolonglah
semangat ku dah hilang
tersesat jauh di tempat orang
haish...

Friday, October 29, 2010

hate dentists??

i am so lazy to study
so, i googled 'why people hate dentists'

and here some of the interesting points that i've found

1. the dentist's attitude

people think that dentists have the 'mean' attitude. they are not friendly and like to give instructions with harsh voices and make you feel like a child. when you complain of pain and discomfort, they DISREGARD and say "you wont be feeling any pain"

from my point of view
this is sooooo true. i've experienced this several times. and i was like wth, i'm the one who feels the pain not you. so, don't ever disregard patients feelings please

2. the feelings of vulnerable and helpless

from my point of view
this is true. when you sit on the dental chair, somehow there's a feeling of vulnerable. maybe it is due to supine position or it just the feeling of unsafe because someone is looking into your mouth and their face is like going to enter your mouth..

3. afraid of the needle

from my point of view
i am way too afraid of vaccine injections rather than dental injections because dental injections give us the feeling of numb

4. pain

one of the most common reasons for hating dentist.

from my point of view
i've experienced dental pain on my already-extracted-46, already non-vital due to trauma 21 and currently-undergoing-rct-35 and i guess the existing pain is not the reason for being afraid of the dentist but the pain after treatment. still i am afraid of dentist because of post operative pain. (one of our lecturers said "we are pain givers")

5. they just hate us

they just hate us. that is something that we can't do much

from my point of view:
lots of people telling their bad experiences and that is one of the contributing factors in hating dentists i guess. and one of the lecturers said "they never like me or you" and this just a fact that need to be digest and swallow by us.


if you want to know more why people hate dentists, google it yourselves and you'll find some funny and interesting info regarding this issue :)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

trauma or phobia

recently i have been in dental surgery for some treatment
but apparently, i am having a kind of trauma and phobia right now

anywhere i go and everywhere i sit
my olfactory nerve telling me that i am in a dental surgery
and the experiences of swallowing that sodium hypochloride made my taste buds telling me that i am still swallowing that solution

and frankly speaking
this condition annoys me a lot
all this while i never ever like dental surgery (but i am hoping that this will not last forever la)
and i really mean it

for all the dentists that work really hard to save my 35
i would like to express my gratitude to you guys for doing so
for all that being concern towards my tooth and pain
thank you so much for helping and being so nice
for all the advices and supports
may Allah bless you for doing so

thank you Allah
for another experience
another story
another day

doakan phobia and trauma saya cepat hilang


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

i am mentally torture and emotionally distress

I HATE YOU!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

making decision

right now i'm trying to make a wise decision

and i think that i'm going to give it up

and in order for me to do so

i'm preparing myself mentally, physically and emotionally

seriously, this is a hard and tough decision

and i'm thinking of letting 'you' go

and if that thing happen

i hope it is the best for both 'you' and me

but right now

i'm trying hardly to cope and tolerate

praying that 'you' would not leave me

but i'm also preparing for the worst thing that could happen

for the time being

i would like to say that

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY 35 DEARIE
you will never be replaced

unless if i think of making denture in the future
but for the time being
i guess no

tolong doakan 35 saya

tq in advance

Sunday, October 24, 2010

memories

hari jumaat lepas third year students of fpg usim ada exam muamalat
exam kat dewan kuliah al-quds
and i would like to write something about this lecture hall

i still remember the first day in faculty of dentistry
at that time
lecture hall ni takde lagi meja and kerusi macam sekarang ni
and at that time
still no name
it was empty
hanya ada carpet biru yang menutup lantai
and masa tu we all second batch
lecture kat bilik tutorial sebelah tu

tak lama lepas tu
lecture hall tu pun dah ada meja and kerusi
still we all occupy bilik tutorial tu je
kata mereka
lecture hall itu untuk student first year tahun berikut

lecture hall itu kami occupy masa exam
sejuk sangat masa tu
sampai biru jari-jemari
muka pun naik kebas sebab sejuk sangat

masa senior nak exam pro ke2
bilik tutorial jadi dewan exam
kami pun diarah pindah ke makmal komputer yang for sure time tu takde lagi komputer
tetap
lecture hall itu tidak kami gunakan

tapi
lecture hall al-quds lah yang paling banyak simpan kenangan
saya tak tahu kenapa
tapi ramai orang yang menangis dalam lecture hall al-quds
and i am one of them
dia semacam ada satu ketenangan bila duduk dalam al-quds tu
and then nangis
and i do think that kat fpg ni lecture hall al-quds still the best port untuk nangis

masa first year dulu
bila dapat result teruk
gi al-quds, nangis
dapat carry mark teruk
gi al-quds, nangis
bila depression
gi al-quds, nangis
rasa give up
gi al-quds, nangis
pendek kata bila ada burst of emotions
al-quds lah tempat air mata tu jatuh

bila batch baru dah daftar
mereka occupy al-quds
masa tu lecture hall ni baru je dapat nama
kita pun dah jarang-jarang masuk al-quds
tapi tetap
saya sayang al-quds

sampai bila-bila
saya tetap sukakan lecture hall al-quds

Friday, October 22, 2010

explosion of emotions

burst of emotions
eyes are full of tears
no words can be spoken
no sentences can be written

so childish
too pampered
way too immature

thank you Allah
for another test
another day
another feelings

jalan-jalan di kota melaka
adoi.. jariku terluka

kalau menangis tentulah sedih
jari itu terlalu pedih

ada buku mari membaca
luka jariku terkena kaca

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

masalah yang takkan berhenti

esok adalah last klinik we all untuk sem ni
tiap-tiap kali klinik prostho memang akan rasa berdebar
berdebar sebab rasa diri ni tak mampu nak puaskan hati patient yang datang

minggu depan saya ada appointment dengan doktor
takut
tapi kena la jumpa doktor jugak

hari jumaat ni ada exam muamalat
tapi serius otak kitorang tersangat kosong
tiada memori subjek tersebut melainkan mengantuk, bersembang dan yang seangkatan dengannya

ya Allah
permudahkan urusan kami

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

assignment bhsc

setelah dibebel
setelah dato' naik berang
barulah terketar-ketar tangan nak menaip
baru terhegeh-hegeh nak mencari
(tak la terhegeh-hegeh pun sebab memang tak jumpa masa cari tu)

akhirnya
setelah dapat artikel yang dicari
menggunakan khidmat google translate yang sungguh membantu
tolong terjemah dari bahasa portugis kepada inggeris ye cik google
akhirnya
menarik nafas kelegaan

Alhamdulillah
tq Allah

Sunday, October 17, 2010

family is the best remedy

critical situations
when you feel like crying and totally out of it
family is the best remedy

you're not saying words to express your feelings
you don't need to cry in order for them to understand
they just know
cause family is the best remedy

it's not their words of advices
not the hug that comfort and protect you
it's just because they are family
and family is the best remedy

indeed, family is the best remedy


tiba juga cuti

minggu yang sangat panjang i guess

sangat letih

penat dengan klinik

pelbagai karenah manusia

sakit gigi pulak

somehow rasa sedih sebab tak dapat siapkan and hantar penulisan kreatif untuk akasia (sebab berperang dengan emosi sendiri and melawan kesakitan yang menggila hinggakan mengalami kesukaran untuk tidur dan berfikir)

tapi dapat gak tolong che pah, nurin and nysah untuk clip video (bukan dalam teknikal, just berlakon)

and we all manage untuk buat persembahan malam tu

and join the pantun yang tak tahu camne tetiba jek boleh menang

sekarang ni sangat lega

tapi sangat memerlukan tidur dan rehat yang panjang

sangat malas untuk belajar walaupun exam semakin dekat

sangat malas untuk klinik sebab memang malas (tak perlu specific reason pun sebab klinik itu memenatkan)

sangat malas untuk menghadap muka sebahagian dari manusia yang senantiasa membuatkan diri sendiri boleh kena darah tinggi in which they would like to make so called innocent face yang akhirnya membuatkan kita juga yang kelihatan teruk (gth la you!)

sangat malas mendengar kata-kata yang berbaur i'm way too good in comparison with you (once again gth la you!)

kesimpulannya i'm really tired and need a very good time for myself


Thursday, October 14, 2010

biarlah

be it gedik
be it mengada
and be it manja

i don't care what people say
one thing that i know that
it is unbearable

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

tak sanggup

skang ni saya tengah menderita sakit gigi

mungkin esok saya akan bertemu dengan dr

saya sebenarnya tak sanggup dah

tak sanggup derita dengan gigi yang sakit ni

tak sanggup juga berjumpa dr sebab sakit

saya buntu

dalam dilema

tolong la

sakit, pergilah jauh-jauh

saya dah nak exam ni

kesian la kat saya


ya Allah,
permudahkan

Saturday, October 9, 2010

saya masih lagi takut

dentist or doktor gigi

bila cakap pasal doktor gigi, sakit gigi ni memang kebanyakan orang akan rasa takut
i would not blame them for feel such thing sebab saya sendiri setelah hampir 3 tahun berada dalam bidang ni masih lagi takut akan dentist
tak tahu kenapa, mengapa, bagaimana
tapi membayangkan diri sendiri berada di atas dental chair dengan mulut yang terbuka tu saja dah buat saya rasa berdebar
and if i were to imagine the pain, of course the anxiety become greater

entahlah..
as far as i could remember, i never had a bad experience in dental care during childhood
but the anxiety of seeing dentist is quite bad..huhu
saya pun tak tahu macam mana
even if i go to dental clinic untuk temankan my mum or brother, still rasa macam nak pecah jantung sebab sangat berdebar

i have several filled teeth which the procedures was painless (as far as i remember la kan)
a root canal treated tooth which already been extracted
tapi nak katanya even dah banyak kali jumpa dentist
dah banyak kali buat treatment (which are painless)
still i cannot hold myself from the anxiety

huhu...
am i going to be scared towards my own self?

Allah, buangkanlah ketakutan itu dari hati hamba...

idea(s) anyone?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

i need to write

i have a very severe toothache
and it makes me feel like to go berserk
seriously,
it is not a pleasant thing to be experienced to

this pain is way too unbearable compared to previous pain
medication to be taken
antibiotic to be finished

classes to be attended
wire to be bended
exams to be think of
make the pain even worse

having the pain radiating to the ear, head and even eye
makes me feel like crying
and now
difficulties in opening mouth

the pain are not explainable
i only can say that it even worse than period pain

ya Allah,
tolonglah saya
final exam is just around the corner

tsk..tsk..tsk...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

kifarah

sakit itu kifarah
penghapus dosa
bersyukurlah anda diuji

Alhamdulillah

Sunday, October 3, 2010

too many things to be written
a lot of thoughts to be shared
but seriously
i loss the words

lots of things that need to be taken care
but least efforts done

emotionally, mentally and physically disturbed

seriously
this intermittent pain is sometimes unbearable

Allah,
please give me strength to face this situation

Thursday, September 30, 2010

dugaan

diri ini terlalu banyak mengeluh
aku hamba yang lemah
sejujurnya aku tak kuat
aku sangat perlukan kekuatan untuk berhadapan dengan situasi ni

dah lama rasanya tak menangis dengan teruk
maybe last time aku nangis maut-maut gile punya masa first pro exam
getting older makes me become matured i guess
jadi lebih tabah mungkin
tapi jujur
aku rasa nak sangat menangis sekarang ni

i really need somebody to talk with
someone who will understand of things that i'm going to say
i need that person
at least just to hear of this particular thing


i just want to cry....

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

sometimes it just so hard to deal with human being

yes
i am new in this
talk to me
tell me
and correct my mistakes

tell and talk to me
OR
just keep it in your heart

i'm tired
too much exhausted with this
please
reduce my problem
or at least
at the very least
let it just static there
don't increase the burden
don't induce another pain

i don't want to suffer more
and i don't want you to suffer

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

inna ma'al 'usri yusra

rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir

insyaAllah

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

fed up

feel like crying

confuse

okay kucingred,
sila bersedia jika patient anda katakan tidak kepada anda

Allah, permudahkan urusan

Saturday, September 18, 2010

...janji seorang anak...

holla..

harini bukan saya nak bercerita tentang janji saya sebagai seorang anak
tapi nak tulis pasal satu cerita yang saya tengok kat tv awal pagi tadi
-janji seorang anak-

well saya tak de la tengok cerita tu dari start
maybe dalam 15 minutes after cerita tu dah mula baru saya tengok
and seriously cerita tu terlalu amat sangat menyedihkan

serba sedikit sinopsis cerita tu (dari apa yang saya sempat tengok la)
satu family ni consist of nenek, mak, ayah and 3 orang anak (yang sulung and yang tengah tu lelaki, adik bongsu tu perempuan)
anak yang sulung ni kira cam harapan keluarga la sebab dia belajar kat u
so kira memang anak emas mak dia la
yang anak kedua dia ni mat fit, so malas nak komen lebih-lebih, paham-paham sendiri la
and anak yang last ni tinggal dengan mak, ayah and nenek kat kampung

yang menambahkan kepiluan dalam cerita ni sebab ayah diorang ni sakit (tak tahu la sakit apa sebab tak tengok dari mula) and seriously saya rasa sangat sedih la tengok condition ayah diorang tu

saya start tengok dari babak si adik bongsu ni jumpa ngan sorang mamat kampung diorang yang sama u dengan abang sulung tu
so adik ni balik rumah dengan gumbiranya bagitau kat mak ngan ayah dia yang abang tu dah cuti- nak balik kampung
pastu mak dia pun cepat-cepat siap and keluar pergi beli ikan keli sebab nak masak tempoyak sebab tu makanan kegemaran anak sulung dia
mak dia siap marah ayah dia sebab makan ikan tu banyak (ye la ko, anak kesayangan nak balik la katekan) tapi, time tu memang sedih la expression ayah dia tu
tunggu punya tunggu tak balik la budak tu kat kampung dia

masa mak ngan ayah dia dok tunggu budak ni kat kampung, mamat tu gila joli duit scholar dia
pergi clubbing, belanja kawan-kawan dia tidur hotel and makan kat restoran mewah
yang paling tak boleh blah tu dia siap cakap kat kawan-kawan dia yang ayah dia tu sorang yang sangat kaya and dia boleh mintak duit anytime je ngan ayah dia
so, esok hari masa tengah enjoy tu kereta yang dia sewa tu buat hal
tarik muncung panjang la awek mamat ni so dengan machonya dia kata yang dia nak suh ayah dia belikan kereta baru kat dia after balik cuti ni

mamat ni pun balik kampung and dia suh mak dia pajakkan rumah yang diorang tengah duduk skang ni kat pak ali dengan alasan tak semangat nak belajar sebab kawan-kawan ketawakan dia pasal tak de kereta (gila tahap budak sekolah tadika pemikiran mamat ni)
dia janji la after dia grad (which is setahun lagi) dia akan tebus balik rumah tu
so sebab ni la anak harapan kesayangan dia mak dia pun pajak la rumah tu
adik yang perempuan ni start la suspicious ngan abang dia yang ni
so, mamat ni pun belilah kereta and time awek dia tanya bila nak bawak jumpa mak, dia cakap kat awek dia yang mak dia dah lama mati

diorang (mak, ayah, nenek and adik bongsu) pergi la duk umah sewa tepi sawah
tak lama pastu abang yang mat fit tu datang mintak duit
so sebab tak de duit dia amek rantai nenek dia
pastu nenek tu mati
ayah dia pun keluar mintak tolong tapi camner ntah jalan sampai pekan
kat pekan tu dia minum air orang and makan roti kat kedai
tengah dia rayau sambil ambik air orang tu dia sampai kat meja yang anak sulung dia duk ngan kawan-kawan
pastu anak dia tu tolak ayah dia and dia langkah ayah dia yang dah jatuh tu
pastu ayah dia kejar dak tu sampai akhirnya dia kena langgar and mati

seminggu pas kejadian ayah dia tu dia pun balik kampung
time tu adik dia ni memang dah bengang gila
dia pun luah segalanya
tapi malang bagi dia sebab mak dia lebih percaya pada bang dia yang jahat tu
dia pulak yang kena tuduh dengki
dia siap bagitahu kat anak dia ni pasal geran kebun getah- harta sepencarian dengan arwah suami dia tu kat anak dia
pastu abang dia janji kat mak dia yang minggu depannya dia nak bawak mak and adik dia tu mulakan hidup baru kat kl

so, lepas seminggu tu hari-hari la mak dia dok tunggu anak kesayangan dia tu nak datang ambik dia kat kampung sambil dia herdik anak bongsu dia tu
sebab dah lama tunggu, dia pun pi la call anak dia tu tapi tak dilayan
balik dari telefon tu, mak dia kena ragut dengan anak yang hisap dadah tu
and budak tu mati kena langgar van masa tengah nak kira duit yang dia ragut tu
mak dia sakit teruk la jugak

mamat ni hutang ngan along and dia terdesak nak duit
so dia pun amek la geran ladang tu
masa nak keluar dari rumah tu
dia kakikan mak dia pastu dia langkah mak dia
and mak dia pun meninggal tak lama tu
then dia pun dapat balasan sebab buat mak dia macam tu
the end


well, masa cerita tu dah habis
i was like kenapa dia perlu jadi begitu kejam dengan mak dia?
kenapa mak dia boleh begitu bias dengan anak-anak yang lahir dari rahim yang sama?
kenapa benda dalam cerita tu boleh berlaku?
adakah mamat itu mengalami culture shock?
kenapa dia boleh tipu kawan-kawan dia macam tu sekali?

and it made me realize
how difficult was life
selama ni rasa macam dah cukup terseksa kan
tapi bila tengok macam tu always ada yang lebih susah dari kita

moral yang saya dapat
bersyukur dengan segala kurniaanNya
bersabar dengan ujian yang menimpa
sayangilah ibu bapa anda

Thursday, September 16, 2010

pencarian...

saya mencari dan tercari
doakan saya bertemu dengan apa yang dicari
semoga pencarian saya membuahkan hasil


doakan saya ye

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

STOP!!!

and let it go

let it be

and seriously, try to forget it

make a new start

new moves

and with a brand new determination


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, September 12, 2010

see it differently

you do not need to read the words to feel it
read between the lines
only then you'll understand things

Thursday, September 9, 2010

terperangkap

dia adalah dia yang aku kenal
fizikalnya tidak berubah dan andai berubah mungkin tidak begitu ketara
dia adalah dia yang ku kenal

tapi manusia
terkadang makin lama kenal
makin kita tidak mengenali mereka

aku tak pernah rasa dia adalah rumit
tak pernah juga aku rasa dia pelik
tapi makin mengenali dirinya
aku jadi keliru
keliru dengan sikapnya

sejujurnya secara peribadi
aku rasa mungkin ramai yang tertarik dengannya
(mungkin ke??)
kerana kelembutan tutur bicara
kerana menjaga perilakunya
mungkin segalanya tentang dirinya
but this was during my first years of knowing her

manusia
bila dia rasa dia baik
dia berubah
yup, she changes
or perhaps she didn't change
it's just me that realize things after some time

pada aku dia terperangkap
terperangkap dalam dunia sendiri
sehingga menidakkan realiti

she said satu klausa
klausa yang paling aku benci
waima sekiranya klausa itu dituturkan oleh orang yang paling aku sayang
kenapa perlu menuturkan sesuatu yang mengundang kebencian
mungkin kamu baik dan aku tidak
mungkin kamu manis dak aku tidak
tapi sekurangnya aku tidak berusaha menjadi hipokrit!

kerana dia baik
mulutnya melabel orang
kerana dia baik
dia membezakan kawan-kawannya
kerana dia baik
dia merasakan dirinya disenangi semua
ingat
kita hidup bukan menongkat langit..

mungkin salah saya membencinya
mungkin silap saya membencinya
jadi saya minta maaf

pergi jauh-jauh supaya benci ini surut
atau sekadar berkubur di sini


selamat hari raya
maaf atas salah silap
halalkan makan minum

moga bertemu ramadhan seterusnya

Sunday, September 5, 2010

sekadar coretan- no offence k

salam 'alaik

hai kamu
beryukurlah kerana telah tertulis yang kamu dilahirkan dari keturunan yang baik
maka
janganlah kamu menjatuhkan maruah kamu dengan perkara-perkara yang keji

hai kamu
bersyukurlah kerana telah termaktub yang kamu dikelilingi oleh keluarga yang baik
sungguhpun iman itu tidak boleh diwarisi
sekurangnya kamu masih punya seseorang untuk terus memperingatkan kamu tentang keagunganNya

hai kamu
sangat bertuah kamu kerana sentiasa dikelilingi mereka-mereka yang kenal dan cinta akan Tuhannya
yang mendedahkan kamu dengan keindahan agama
yang membawamu menuju redhaNya

tetapi kamu
kerana kamu begitu
mengertilah mereka yang bukan
yang perlu bimbingan
bukan penghinaan

kerana kamu begitu
jangan beranggapan semua senasib denganmu
ingat
tak semua manusia di dunia ini cukup bertuah untuk memiliki sebuah keluarga yang benar-benar faham akan agamaNya

kerana kamu itu baik
tidak pernah tertulis hak kamu untuk menghina golongan yang jahil
kerana kamu itu baik
tidak pernah kamu memiliki hak untuk menghukum mereka yang lain

mereka sepatutnya dibimbing
diajar dan diperingatkan tentang kebesaran Tuhan
bukan ditengking, diherdik apatah lagi dihina kerana kejahilan

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

semoga Allah matikan saya, kamu, dia dan mereka dalam keimanan dan semoga kita semua peroleh redhaNya untuk ke syurga

amiin...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

...clinic...

today is our first time meeting our patients
i've started with prostho clinic while my partner starts his cons clinic

so, today is my second time of scaling teeth

she is very nice and good
really appreciate her kindness

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

because i am me

sometimes
i feel like being left out alone
feel like i am not good enough
like i am the loser
as if i can't do anything on my own

sometimes
i feel like giving up
feel like there's no hope for me
like this is the wrong path
as if i can turning back to live better

sometimes
i feel like crying
feel like no one would understand my feelings
like having severely tortured mental
as if that can solve the problems

sometimes
i feel like a mad hatter
feel like want to go berserk
like killing all the people i hated
as if they were like fishes in market

sometimes
i am facing dejection
also facing happiness
experiencing madness
but
still standing
still like this
still moving

because,
i am me

these things made me as who i am

semoga hari esok lebih baik dari hari ni

Monday, August 30, 2010

kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu
aku masih bernafas
masih lagi berdiri
masih terus berjuang
walau hati terkadang sedih
walau hakikat terkadang pedih
walau derita berkunjung tiba
masih tetap bertahan
kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu
yang sukar itu diatasi
yang gentar itu dihadapi
yang debar itu diharungi
walau terkadang mengalah datang
walau terkadang gagal menjelma
walau terkadang kesukaran memaut
masih mampu berjalan
kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu
memberikan aku saudara
menghadiahkan aku teman
mengurniakan aku kebahagiaan
melahirkan rasa ketenangan
membuahkan cinta yang berpanjangan
walau terkadang badai menjelma
walau batin terkadang derita
walau terkadang pahit terasa
namun masih mampu tersenyum
kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu
aku di sini
masih bernafas
walau terkadang terseksa
masih terus ke depan
walau terkadang terhenti
masih terus gembira
walau terkadang berduka
masih terus-terusan berjuang
walau terkadang kecundang
semuanya kerana kasihMu

Sunday, August 29, 2010

inferior

what do you mean by inferior?
rendah diri?
rasa terhina?
rasa martabat anda rendah?

why do you feel inferior?
tak bersyukur?
memandang rendah?
rasa tak cukup bagus?

when do you feel inferior?
bila tengok orang lain?
bila bandingkan diri dengan orang?
bila rasa lemah?

who makes you feel inferior?
friends?
teachers?
families?
enemies?

what causes you to develop inferior?
environment?
situation?
emotion?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you are who you are

inferiority doesn't going to help but you, yourself need to have the motivation

curiosity kills cat
hypocrisy kills identity
inferiority kills uniqueness


just a thought of mine

mata itu

kata orang

kalau kita nak tahu kebenaran
tataplah mata orang yang bercakap dengan kita
sebab lidah manusia boleh menipu
tapi matanya sentiasa jujur

mata saja yang akan menangis
walaupun mulut kata "takde apa2"

bila diri jadi penat dan tak berdaya
terpancar kekuatan dari mata

even ada orang kata- bukan saya kata
if kita nak differentiate antara orang yang sihat mentalnya or tak
kita tengok matanya
mata orang yang mentalnya terganggu (of course we are talking ttg yg serius or kritikal)
nampak kosong
membuktikan tiada apa di minda mereka

tapi ada gak orang yang pandai sembunyikan perasaan dia
tak tertunjuk langsung di mata mereka
kat mana agaknya mereka peroleh segala kekuatan tu ye


kucingred,
enuff merepek


Saturday, August 28, 2010

me, the loser

i feel like a loser
i cannot stand this so long period of exams
penat la weh
tiap2 minggu ada paper
pastu tak boleh jawab
pastu ada lak yang bikin panas plus tambah pressure
ngan terkontang-kanting ag ngan semua requirement pre-clinical
ngan tak tahu satu ape benda untuk start patients
adoiiii
stress la weh
boleh tak exam cepat habis?
boleh tak subjek muamalat tu cepat2 habis?
boleh tak tunda ja klinik tu lepas cuti raya?
boleh tak bagi cuti awal kat kitorang?
boleh tak????

setiap kali nak start minggu baru
mesti doa supaya minggu tu berlalu dengan cepat
and bila sampai weekends
mesti doa supaya weekends tu lama

tolong!!!
i really need a long peace holiday..huhu

Friday, August 27, 2010

ianya mula terasa

right now i am facing an unexplainable condition

i am lost
and feel like crying
tense

maybe i am the one who being so negative upon all these things?
nak baleeeek!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

oral condition.....(again??)

holla~

my mum told me that during my deciduous teeth years i have a sort of abnormality which is called as double teeth in which i don't know and don't even remember of their existence

during my permanent dentition years which is sekarang ni i have an extra mandibular incisor tooth which is supplement supernumerary (the shape is not cone btw)

and today

25th of august 2010

i just realize that
i have a rotated permanent maxillary left second premolar, 25
it was discovered accidentally in 3rd yr lecture hall
and the tooth is rotated 180 degree from its origin

learning things in dentistry make me discover sebahagian dr keindahan yg Allah cipta kt atas bumi ni
rasa bertuah coz dapat peluang to know our teeth better
rasa gembira coz dapat peluang utk tilik and belek the shapes, grooves and all the morphology of the teeth
rasa sangat kehebatanNya dapat menciptakan segala sesuatu tu dlm keadaan yg pelbagai n begitu indah

terima kasih ya Allah
krn beri saya peluang untuk terus bernafas

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

ujian dariNya itu pelbagai

bukan kita seorang saja yang diuji
boleh jadi yang kelihatan bahagia di mata kita tu lebih berat beban yang ditanggung
hanya Dia saja yang tahu berdiri duduk sesuatu keadaan tu

bersyukurlah


ada bacterial infection
semoga cepat sembuh!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

rahmat ujian

dalam derita ada bahagia
dalam gembira mungkin terselit duka
tak siapa tahu tak siapa pinta ujian bertamu

ok carilah sendiri selebihnya


Monday, August 16, 2010

sangat sakit tulang belakang
sakit juga perut

esok ada exam opom and test cd

mungkinkah tekanan???

tolong jangan sakit di siang hari

sekian

Saturday, August 14, 2010

bila kau terasa kau macam lelaki

a special post to suraya (obviously not a real name)
bila kau terasa kau tu macam lelaki
kau mula la akan buat perkara-perkara yang tak disukai oleh kaum wanita
sebab kau tu bukannya lelaki

kau ingat ada ke wanita-wanita yang akan happy bila kau tak reti kemas apa yang kau dah buat kotor tu?
kau ingat ada ke wanita-wanita yang akan senang bila kau sesuka hati tok nenek kau je amek and guna barang mereka pastu kau biarkan aje barang yang kau guna tu kotor and buat muka tak bersalah yang tertulis di dahi kau "i am innocent"
kau ingat ada ke wanita-wanita yang berbesar hati bila kau suka tangguh kerja dan mengabaikan tanggungjawab kau sedangkan benda yang kau abaikan tu akan effect ahli group kau and it ends up orang lain yang tolong buatkan task kau dan kau langsung tak ucap terima kasih apatah lagi nak mintak maaf pastu dengan muka tok selampitnya kau pun berkata "nasib baik kan sempat"

and if wanita-wanita lain amat happy, senang dan berbesar hati
ketahuilah bahawa aku amat tak menggemarinya
sebab kau tu bukan lelaki!!!
jangan perasan yang orang boleh nak adapt ngan perkara tu sebab kau sikit pun tak nampak tough bila buat camtu
kau juga langsung tak nampak macho bila buat camtu sebab sememangnya kau bukan lelaki
selain itu, kau juga tidak mungkin sama sekali akan kelihatan handsome kerana obviuosly, kau memang bukan lelaki
dan yang paling penting, ketahuilah bahawa segala humps yang ada di body mu itu membuktikan kau sememangnya bukan lelaki

sorry for disappointing you by saying that KAU BUKAN LELAKI!!
so stop acting like one
that is fucking annoying!!!

Friday, August 13, 2010

rage lagi

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

di bulan ramadhan yang mulia ni
i telah bengang ngan seorang hamba Allah s.w.t
tolonggggg!!!!!

mengapakah kamu melakukan perkara yang i terlalu amat benci
skang ni teringatkan beliau saja membuatkan darah i mendidih dan membuak-buak..
ya Allah
tolong hilangkan rasa ni dari hati hamba
biar jadi neutral saja pun tak pe

___________________________________________________________________

i tak tahu la kenapa i rasa i dah menjadi kedekut yang terlalu amat sangat lately ni
huhuhuhu

Thursday, August 12, 2010

rage

amaran: sila jangan baca jika anda seorang yang cintakan kedamaian dan benci kepada rungutan!

ini merupakan nota 'cinta' yang bersarang dalam hati ini sejak sekian lama dan keputusan telah diambil untuk menulis sesuatu di sini


salah saya ke????
salah saya ke saya ni kidal??
tell me!!!!
tell me!!!
you!!! tell me!!!
salah saya ke saya ni kidal???
salah ke saya dilahirkan kidal??
salah ke saya menjadi golongan yang homozygous recessive
salah ke?
kenapa kamu menidakkan hak saya?
kenapa menidakkan hak golongan kami??
salah ke menjadi kidal??
tell me???

dah lama saya pendam benda ni
kalau saya suruh kamu menulis menggunakan tangan kiri
senang ke?
boleh ke kamu buat?
hanya kerana golongan kami sedikit
bukan bermakna kami tiada hak
jangan menidakkan hak kami

saya cukup tak suka (seriously improper gila if i used the word benci)
and i really mean it
what do you mean by it's okay i am doing things so slow just because i am a lefthanded?
kamu doktor ke?
kamu ke yang akan sign requirement saya?
kamu ke yang akan pastikan saya lulus exam dan boleh naik tahun if saya buat lambat?
you tell me!!!

you are telling me to do this and that
but if you were me, can you do so?

don't just say if you cannot do it

lain kali, to be fair
just put another requirement for dental students to be
must be able to use your right hand
senang
no hard feelings and no offence

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

kamu...

hai kamu,
boleh tak kalau jangan buat orang rasa sakit hati kat kamu
kalau saya seorang je yang rasa
mungkin saya yang sensitif
tapi kalau orang lain pun rasa begitu
hmmmm paham-paham la

hai kamu,
jangan bercakap seolah-olah kamu saja yang tahu
boleh jadi yang kamu tahu tu salah
boleh jadi yang kamu faham itu tak betul
boleh jadi yang kamu kira kamu tahu tu sebenarnya tidak

hai kamu,
jangan la nak anggap diri kamu tu baik
hanya kerana kamu melakukan sesuatu perkara

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

exams and tests

a lot of paper this sem
a lot of things happen

during diagnostic and imaging & community dentistry examinations
my tooth was severely painful
i can't study at all due to that painful event

during paediatric dentistry paper
i am having allergy which the allergen still is not known
getting an injection and taking the medication from doctor- piriton
seriously doesn't help a lot
that piriton cause a severe sedation all day long
causing me to sleep during the exam for about 20 minutes i guess
the so called allergy is reduced yet still not totally recover

hey people
ramadhan is here
so, happy fasting to all
hope this ramadhan is going to be better than before
ramadhan kareem :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

kerasnya hati kamu....

hai kucingred
kerasnya hati kamu
bukankah dia pernah meminta maaf?

hai kucingred
keras benar hati kamu
bukankah niat dia itu baik?

hai kucingred
keras sungguh hati kamu
tergamak kamu biarkan dia bercakap sendirian?

hai kucingred
terlalu keras hati kamu
terlalu sukarkah untukmu melupakan???

Saturday, August 7, 2010

hey hey.....

oh my god!!!

ok, i don't know where to start this thing


ruby (bukan nama sebenar) is a girl
she has lots of friends either girls, boys or even pink lady type of person
she is very outspoken
well, it's just her and she is not being hypocrite (does she??)

most of the time,
she believe in her instinct
but somehow
for build good rapport
she ignore it

she's hardly hate people
unless there is/are reason/s for her to do so
but unfortunately
when she begin to hate
there's no way for her to like the person again

sigh...


macam mana ni???
how can i help her in this kind of situation???

hatred is like dental caries
it is irreversible
you just can prevent it from getting worse and remains that way
or it will aggressively become worse
or it just progress slowly to become worse
or the worst thing is it's going to cause deep pain and loss of something which is precious

think

Monday, August 2, 2010

we are former islamic educated students

we are former islamic educated students
so what?
we are proud of ourselves
even though we have the basis of islamic education
it doesn't mean we aren't knowledgeable in sciences

we are former islamic educated students
so what?
we are as good if not better than others
just because we are competing our friends from same race and religion
it doesn't mean we aren't competitive enough

we are former islamic educated students
so what?
we are thankful to be one
it's just we carry the islamic students tittle
it doesn't mean you can simply talk to us thing as if you as a muslim doesn't need to do so

just because us being former islamic educated student
it doesn't mean we are having severely mental handicapped
it doesn't mean we aren't open enough in thinking
it doesn't mean we cannot perform professional conduct

we are as good if not better than you
stop thinking as if you are better than others
just because of you coming from that particular place
it doesn't mean you are good enough
and if only you that good
please do act like one
stop acting like a child
if only you are a true professional

Friday, July 30, 2010

tak faham

tak faham dengan masalah gigi sendiri
or
mungkin saya saja yang rasa begitu

tolong..
lateral border of tongue saya adalah sakit

sekian, tq

Sunday, July 25, 2010

long time dear...special post to besties integomb

ya Allah....
it's like for years saya tak jumpa my best buddies kat integomb dulu
especially nab, farid and nisa
and thanks to You, for giving us an opportunity untuk berjumpa on last friday (only farid, nisa and me w/o nab)

seriously it was fun
lots of stories, memories and things yang kita share

faridah is a dental student in egypt and nisa is a civil engineering student in utp
nisa sebenarnya dulu nak amek dentistry and me was actually nak amek engine but it ends up she's taking engine while me taking dentistry :) and farid mmg nak amek dentistry sejak dr sekolah lagi :)
now, each one of us dah ada dalam path masing-masing and i hope all of us akan berjaya :)

we've already lost contact dgn nab ever since dia habis matrik...but recently we've found out yg dia ada kt mmu amek law... also pray the best for her...

to nisa, farid and nab...
love you guys so much.. still remember doing all those stupid things during zaman sekolah..enjoy our outing together and all those things...love and miss u guys so much

may our friendship remains and semoga persahabatan kita diredhaiNya...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

terperangkap

terperangkap dalam ketakutan yang bersarang di hati
terperangkap dalam kemalasan yang memuncak
terperangkap dalam lautan kebencian
terperangkap dalam ayat-ayat cinta
terperangkap dalam kegelapan dan kesunyian

things are always difficult when one is self obsessive

things are always thought to be like that unless something better is happening


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is nice thing to share :)


when any 'budak sekolah agama' makes a mistake or treats people in a bad manner- people say "ni lah dia budak sekolah agama" - annoying sungguh especially when that particular mistake or bad manner is just small little tiny one (kalau yang melampau tu memang patut la jgk nak condemn ke ape)

which actually in this link saying that

when any muslim makes a mistake or treats people in a bad manner- people say "Islam is the reason"

Friday, July 23, 2010

dilema seorang dentist to be- insyaAllah

saya stress skang ni
sangat stress

tapi bukan sebab exam yang bakal menjelang ni
tapi saya stress tentang kesihatan pergigian saya

macam mana ni
tadi saya secara tak sengaja telah men'detect' 3 carious lesion baru kat gigi saya
semalam saya ter'detect' 2 ketul secondary caries juga pada gigi saya
dan sememangnya ada beberapa lesion yg terang-terangan adalah caries yang ada sejak dulu kala tapi telah diabaikan kewujudannya oleh individu yang berkenaan termasuklah diri saya

saya sangat stress...

sejak perm mand right 1st molar saya dah xde
saya jadi takut...
takut if saya kena pakai denture di usia muda rumaja..huhu nanges...

dah la aritu dr. cakap gigi saya mobile.. (takut tak??)
pastu ada lak gigi yang non-vital... (stress tak??)
pastu ada gak kemungkinan yang gigi supernumerary saya takde akar.. (serabut tak??)

huhu....saya dalam dilema...
and saya sangat stress dengan oral condition saya
saya cuma nak condition orally fit je skang ni
tinggi sangat ke permintaan saya ni???

Friday, July 16, 2010

goodbye dear

it's almost 15 years you are with me
almost 15 years you never leave me
all the happiness and all the tears we've face together
thank you for every happiness you gave me
thank you for the pain that you caused
thank you for the tears when i cannot bear
thank you for holding on until the very end
for not taking good care of you, i'm so sorry
for the pain that i caused you to feel, totally sorry
for the pain you caused me to feel, at least i know that i still have you
for crying because of you, i realize that you are there
thank you for everything
and goodbye dear

permanent mandibular right first molar, 46

i'm gonna miss you

thanks again for holding on until the very end...
tq

1530

Sunday, July 11, 2010

hate me

hate me
if you want to

hate me
if that makes you feel better

hate me
if only that can kill of your tears

HATE ME!!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

this week

isnin, en.yusof FPSK telah kembali ke rahmatullah n my appointment with dr. was cancelled to thursday (meaning that hari khamis tu dr kena tgk 2 kes)
selasa, pembentangan cd crohn's disease tunda...ok a lil bit lega, tp bengang gak sbb mlm tu tido lambat utk siapkan slide n study benda alah tu.....jr first yr daftar kt fod
rabu, makan bersama junior 1st yr girls kt umah kitorg B15-15..basically ok je..makanan berlebih sampai...
khamis, appointment i tunda lagi coz dr kena p nilai...masuk klinik untuk wat pre-clinical session utk subjek conservative dentistry. ptg tu ada pengenalan dsc and tayangan video. malam lak ada white coat ceremony and anugerah pelajar cemerlang... tahniah to haziq, kak ya, che pah, kak wahida and kak huda...
jumaat, kelas muamalat yg stress itu and treasure hunt
sabtu, ada telematch and god willing malam ni ada dinner bersama staff

Thursday, July 8, 2010

tolong

ya Allah,
tolong saya
saya tak nak membenci
sebab kalau saya dah benci
saya takkan suka

ya Allah,
tolong saya
cantikkan apa yang saya lihat
sebab kalau saya terlihat yang tidak cantik
yang cantik saya lupakan

ya Allah,
tolong saya
indahkan apa yang saya dengar
sebab kalau saya dengar yang tidak indah
saya akan lebih ingat

ya Allah,
tolong saya
jauhkan dari buruk sangka
sebab kalau saya buruk sangka
saya takkan berpatah balik

ya Allah,
tolong saya
tetapkan hati saya dengan agamaMu
sebab hanya Kau yang boleh tolong saya
kerana saya milikMu

ya Allah,
tolong saya
tuntun saya ke jalan yang Kau redhai
kerana tiada yang lain boleh tuntun saya
jika tanpa izinMu

ya Allah,
tolong saya
bantu saya
sebab tiada siapa dapat berikan pertolongan sebaik pertolonganMu
kerana Kau Maha Berkuasa ke atas kami

ya Allah,
tolong saya...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

bengang bukan bangang

i memang tak suka if the first day of the week is started with simply shipan things which then will eventually affecting the rest of the week...
i bengang bukan bangang k...
ok i memang bengang tahap dewa taw....
hey uolls
kalu uolls tak puas hati cakap la
seriously where the fish all the professionalism that uolls always said and talk about
i taw la i ni masih diconsider as budak lagi if nak compare dengan uolls tu
but don't u ever heard that yang muda disayangi, yang tua dihormati
if uolls tak reti nak sayang yang muda cam i ni
so, mana i nak letak dihormati tu
come on la
even children also want to be respected
dah kalu wat perangai cam tu tell me sapa yang nak respect uolls
ni la dia budaya orang kita
yang tua dihormati sampai kita pun iakan aje walaupun memang diorang yang salah
yang muda lak dikondem cam nak mati
mentaliti yang tak berkembang langsung
tak leh terima perubahan
tak leh terima dan mengaku kesilapan
tu la dia keturunan i and uolls
i'm not saying that i'm a good person
not also saying that i'm an angel
but use ur brain la
i bukan apa
i dah lama rasa geram ngan benda-benda gini
tell me, what shall i do
tell me!!!!!

i taw, kalu ada orang yang baca post ni mesti ada yang akan cakap i ni cepat melenting
i admit, i memang panas baran and tak sabar
i tried
but i'm failing right now
failed to control my emotions and feelings

i know i'm not as sopan and baik as other girls
fine,
it just me
kalau uolls tak leh nak terima i seadanya, fine
as if la i ni boleh terima uolls

kalau uolls rasa i ni cakap lepas
macam la uolls tak taw yang i ni mulut takde insurans
i bukan cam uolls
bajet baik gile,
walhal 2x5 ngan i je

memang pantang tok nenek i people yang sesedap paru2 dia je nak kata i sedangkan dengan i pun tak pernah bercakap
i always believe in my first impression towards someone
but it doesn't mean that i can simply say bad things about that person if i didn't make friend with them
i don't want to accuse uolls but from what i've experience
i can conclude that uolls pandai bunyik je
banyak bunyik tapi bukan kata habuk, zarah pun takde
kalau cakap pandai, nenek i pun boleh la

don't expect others will love you if you just a pretender

of uolls go

Monday, July 5, 2010

sometimes, silence is an option when usually it's a must
sometimes, being strong doesn't mean holding back your tears, but letting them fall

it's a pain when you said everything is okay
when actually they weren't



Sunday, July 4, 2010

minggu ini

segala tekanan dan kemurungan minggu ini dah terubat dengan menghadiri walimah one of my schoolmate whom also my classmate and dorm-mate.
the wedding was simple tapi meriah and ceria.
not only attending the wedding, tapi ala-ala reunion gitu when several AFians gather kat rumah pengantin. pastu diorang keluar pergi sunway piramid but i didn't join them.
minggu yang akan datang ni menjanjikan ke'busy'an sebab:
- ada appointments dengan Dr. Aws hari Isnin and Khamis
- ada pembentangan Community Dentistry- Crohn's Disease- hari Selasa
- ada White Coat Ceremony hari Khamis malam Jumaat
- ada minggu suai kenal pelajar baru sesi 2010/2011
harapan saya:
- minggu esok lagi baik dari minggu ni
- kawan2 i sila cepat kawin :)
oh, ye... i dapat kenal beberapa kawan baru and jumpa kawan lama time pergi walimah kawan i tu.. tu je yang i nak citer...

Monday, June 28, 2010

hati yang rapuh

saya sangat sedih
i don't know how to describe it
saya terlalu sedih
i cannot control myself anymore

i am totally lost
seriously
i feel like giving everything up right now

i want to go away
how i wish i never been here in the first place

enough with lying my own feeling
enough with all things that i pretended it to be okay
enough with all the fake smiles
enough with i don't mind situation
enough with everything

Allah, forgive me

saya rasa sangat down
i am not excel in my study
not even have skills
even for the paper that others can score, i failed to score
even for paper that people say easy, it is hard for me
even for things that people can do it easily, it takes lot of effort for me to do it

how i wish i am not a left-handed
how i wish i am as good as others
how i wish i weren't me

ya Allah,
maafkan saya
jadikan saya lebih tabah
agar saya gembira menjadi saya

andai ini yang terbaik bagi saya
jadikan saya redha dengannya

jangan jauhkan rahmatMu dari saya
dan bimbinglah saya menuju redhaMu

permudahkan urusan saya di dunia dan akhirat

perkenankan
ya Allah

hati yang rapuh.......
saya terharu
dengan kebaikan seorang pendidik
walaupun terkadang terasa hati
niat mereka sangat murni

terima kasih :)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

coward...

i am a coward
right now i'm just trying hardly to run away from the situation
seriously
i cannot face the reality
i am depress

i wanna cry, but i can't
i wanna scream, but i can't
i want to express the hatred, but i can't
i want to be honest, but i can't

i hate hypocrisy
but i guess i am a hypocrite
hypocritical as if i really don't care
i hate myself for being such person

as i can't be honest
i hope i can go far away
hoping that sorrows and dejections fail to find me
leave me alone
don't bother my life
leaving me smile happily
inside out

you can lie others but not yourself
the pain, sorrows, dejections and hatred you keep inside
will always be there
even if the wounds heal
the scars will always remind you of the pain

sometimes if you are hurt by others
silence is the best thing to do
if you afraid you might hurt others
just shut your mouth and let you yourself face the pain alone
and
pray so that it is the best for you

by the way
i'm a coward
that is why i'm expressing my emotion here