Monday, June 28, 2010

hati yang rapuh

saya sangat sedih
i don't know how to describe it
saya terlalu sedih
i cannot control myself anymore

i am totally lost
seriously
i feel like giving everything up right now

i want to go away
how i wish i never been here in the first place

enough with lying my own feeling
enough with all things that i pretended it to be okay
enough with all the fake smiles
enough with i don't mind situation
enough with everything

Allah, forgive me

saya rasa sangat down
i am not excel in my study
not even have skills
even for the paper that others can score, i failed to score
even for paper that people say easy, it is hard for me
even for things that people can do it easily, it takes lot of effort for me to do it

how i wish i am not a left-handed
how i wish i am as good as others
how i wish i weren't me

ya Allah,
maafkan saya
jadikan saya lebih tabah
agar saya gembira menjadi saya

andai ini yang terbaik bagi saya
jadikan saya redha dengannya

jangan jauhkan rahmatMu dari saya
dan bimbinglah saya menuju redhaMu

permudahkan urusan saya di dunia dan akhirat

perkenankan
ya Allah

hati yang rapuh.......
saya terharu
dengan kebaikan seorang pendidik
walaupun terkadang terasa hati
niat mereka sangat murni

terima kasih :)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

coward...

i am a coward
right now i'm just trying hardly to run away from the situation
seriously
i cannot face the reality
i am depress

i wanna cry, but i can't
i wanna scream, but i can't
i want to express the hatred, but i can't
i want to be honest, but i can't

i hate hypocrisy
but i guess i am a hypocrite
hypocritical as if i really don't care
i hate myself for being such person

as i can't be honest
i hope i can go far away
hoping that sorrows and dejections fail to find me
leave me alone
don't bother my life
leaving me smile happily
inside out

you can lie others but not yourself
the pain, sorrows, dejections and hatred you keep inside
will always be there
even if the wounds heal
the scars will always remind you of the pain

sometimes if you are hurt by others
silence is the best thing to do
if you afraid you might hurt others
just shut your mouth and let you yourself face the pain alone
and
pray so that it is the best for you

by the way
i'm a coward
that is why i'm expressing my emotion here

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

depression

seriously
aku rasa sangat down skang ni
with a very painful tooth
this is getting worse

i feel like giving it all up
i feel so tense

this is unbearable
i feel like crying

mama, take me home
delete all the pain, please

Saturday, June 19, 2010

buntu

saya dalam dilema
melibatkan 2 individu yang sangat saya kasih dan sayang
diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapa, dikulum merana diri

saya buntu
saya tak tahu nak buat apa lagi
betul-betul dah mati kutu sekarang ni
betul-betul tak tahu nak buat apa
terlalu bingung

saya keliru

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

not perfect

aku x perfect
aku manusia
at one point
aku mmg x tahan

seriously
when things happen to be like this
aku nak pergi jauh
aku x nak buat kamu, dia dan kita sama2 sakit hati
tolong mengerti
aku x nak perkara camni ganggu hidup aku

bila aku diam
x bermakna aku x kisah
bila aku biarkan
x bermakna kau boleh nak ulang

kalau kau boleh kata kat orang lain yg kita dah besar n boleh pk sendiri baik buruk
aku nak kau pulak pk benda tu
jangan sampai satu hari nanti aku x boleh nak tengok muka n dengar suara kau
tolong jangan buat aku benci kau

aku x suka nak kerah orang buat kerja yg diorg patut buat
aku x kuasa nak ingatkan kerja yg diorg kena buat
aku x de hati nak tengok diorg siapkan kerja diorg
aku x de masa nak tanya2 org byk kali kerja dah siap ke belum

pd aku, cukup sekadar update
x payah nak kongkong n bebankan hidup diorg
sbb aku rimas n serabut bila org buat aku mcm tu

jadi kpd diorang,
tolong sgt bila aku x kongkong n kurangkan beban diorg
TOLONG buat kerja tu
n TOLONG jgn buat kerja sambil lewa

tolong sgt
sbb aku x perfect
aku manusia
aku boleh develop perasaan benci
and aku susah nak suka org kalau aku dah benci

i'm not going to hate you kalau kau baru buat benda ni pertama kali
sbb kau dah buat banyak kali la aku rasa mendidih sekarang ni...
tolong sgt2

i'm begging you

do you see it that way?

this is a true story
it is a story of a friend to a friend of mine
let's just call her mya

mya has lot of friends
some were best buddies
some were just friends
as normal people out there

mya does thinks that she had several mental disorder
she is a person whom easily cried over small things
she sometimes cries abruptly with no reasons
she is just a soooooo complicated teenager

mya sometimes does go berserk
she is a hot-tempered person
easily got anger and ran amok
she is just sooooo unpredictable

due to this mood swings and attitude changes
she thought that she suffers from a mental disorder

differ from what she always thought of herself
her mother, father, siblings, teachers and friends believe that she is a good
good in term of study
optimistic
can manage her life well
easy to say
they all see her totally differ from what she sees herself

she really wanted to ask but she couldn't
yet she's yelling inside her heart and really want to know
"DO YOU SEE IT THAT WAY???"
because
if you see it that way
she hopes that is for real
because
knowing that her beloved family and friends trusted her
it's doubling her strength to face the reality

well,
this is just a story
story of a friend to a friend of mine

have you ever see it that way???

t.h.i.n.k n t.e.l.l

:)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

loss

tell them how much you love
let them know how much you care
show them how important they are in ur daily life
before it's too late

to lose your patience
you can ask an apology

to lose your kindness
you can create thousands reasons

to lose your beloved one
it's totally a loss

because......
they are irreplaceable

i love my family & friends

thank you for always be by my side

for the kindness and patience
for the calmness and motivation
for the happiness and joy
for every single things
thank you so much

thank you and love you :)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

confusion ke?

it's not that i don't care
it's just i don't know how to show it to you

it's not that i don't mind
it's just i don't want you to know that i'm hurt

it's not that i don't want to tell you the truth
it's just i don't want to disappoint you

it's not that i don't love you
it's just i don't have the strength to admit it

Thursday, June 10, 2010

dilemma

dilemma of a student i guess

the books are quite expensive T_T
how i wish i can buy the atlas
seriously, i love it damn much

...................................................................................................................

people are basically the same
but how they react are differ

...................................................................................................................

like is mentioned by mouth
love is mentioned by heart

....................................................................................................................

stop liking is sick
stop loving is dying

....................................................................................................................

tears in your eyes
disappointed in your heart

...................................................................................................................


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

huhuhu

i do feel like my soul is trapped in someone else's body
arghhhhhh
this is insane
i'm totally out of it

i'm way too tired
even my ear is hearing things differently
it also feels pain all over my body
shoulder, ankle
even my teeth

i really feel disappointed in the clinic today
for ohi it was not that bad
but for the scaling
it was not only horrible
i also feel that it was disastrous

lately i always feel uneasy
i don't know why

once again to myself
welcome to the torture phase
i really
i mean REALLY
need to use my right hand to
hold the handpieces
the contra angle is seriously too heavy for my right hand
the scaler is acceptable- if we were talking on the weight
but....
to control that particular thing was really difficult

o Allah
please help me

Monday, June 7, 2010

a mixture of....

seriously,
this is a combination of tachycardia, pain in tonsil & ear, confusion
and it all lead to severe unexplainable condition

why oh why every first day of the week these kind of feelings appear?
as usual, i'm not ready
not in mood
not in a state of accepting things

is this stress?

i can't sleep due to these feelings
help me

Sunday, June 6, 2010

maturity???

how can i gain maturity?
tell me

sepatutnya, skang ni not the time for me for being too childish
maybe all this while i'm being too immature i guess
seriously i am hurt to thing that i'm not suppose to hurt
i cried for thing that actually i'm not suppose to cry
and bla..bla..bla...

tolong la...
wake up dear
do realize
things are already change
time also pass by...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

mood swing

have you ever listen to songs that are really describing yourselves?
making you realize that actually you are not the only person to feel that kind of feelings

have you ever feel the pain of being hurt till you cannot breath?
making you realize how much you love the person that's hurting you

have you ever cry a lot till you really couldn't stop your tears?
making you realize how nothing is actually something in your life

have you ever lost someone that makes you feel empty?
making you realize how important they were in your life

*************************************************************************************

if only i have that strength, i'll tell you today that I LOVE YOU
not only today, tomorrow and insyaAllah, always

i put hope on the best
but am will accept it with an open heart

perkenankan...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

letih

mungkin kerana bercuti sebelum ni
mungkin juga penat angkut barang and pergi team building tu masih belum habis lagi
mungkin juga disebabkan suntikan vaksin hep b
tapi yang pasti
walaupun baru 2 hari
ia sangatlah meletihkan
rasa nak bukak mata pun tak larat

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

i kind of allergy dengan certain people yg shall i say g-pang
but serious shit kerja pun x buat
ya Allah...
ada juga species homo sapiens yg begini
T_T

i pun xbagus- i admit it
tp i try utk wat kerja i ok
cis
xtahu ke benda tu amanah?
ingat nak glamour je ke ngan jawatan anda tu?
haishhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

no offence k
siapa makan cili dia yg terasa pedas
and ni peringatan utk diri i sendiri gak

cHow~