Oh! Our feet are the same size...

Walk in my shoes they said
Frankly if you don't walk in their path, you'll never understand

Having such experiences made me realize that I can acknowledge people better
To understand their happiness
To comfort their worries
To handle their disappointment

I pray that Allah swt bless my patients for their kindness, patience and all the knowledge that I gain from them

While facing patient's disappointment in that suspicious case
I talk to the patient with a very low tone
InsyaAllah we'll get through this
Not only that I've walked this path before
Our feet are the same size and it is the same shoes!

and i thought...

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who tought you were my friend
How I was to know
You never told me!
(Fool again-Westlife)

I'm trying my best to get over you

If that's what you wish for

Trust me,

Truth is painful

And so I thought you were my friend

But seems to me that I was mistaken

heart broken

Disclaimer: If you are a peace lover, please leave this post instantly. Any emotional and mental damage following this post is not to be blamed on kucingred.



Heart broken
Frustration
Depression
And all the negativity had been following me since past days
There is no exact single word that i can say to express what i've faced
I keep on thinking why thing happen the way it is
And it was so frustrating


After 5 years of struggle in my course
I have to admit that I am disappointed with my colleagues
I'm not saying all
But admit it
Truth is harsh


Yesterday when i met a patient
My heart was like exploding for what i've faced
During that 4 hours session i was having a mental breakdown of what some people that i know had done to their patient
That person is happily going to graduate this weekend
And leaving us back here with a total disaster to be cleaned
Trust me
This is so frustrating
This is not the first time
But i hope it will be the last one


I don't give you a damn if your patient is fussy or what so ever
Just try to put yourselves into their shoes
Would you like to be treated the same as what you have done?
You've learned and you knew
You are supposed to understand
But how could you do that to your patient?
How dare you?


Cynically,
Thanks to you
We are the one who should break the bad news to the patient


Sincerely,
Thank you so much
For giving me opportunities to learn something new


Seriously,
I don't give a damn what are your grades
I don't give a damn how you could graduate
But PLEASE
Use your knowledge wisely
I'm begging you


On the bright side,
We have been reminded on all the beautiful lies










Foot note: This isn't nice but I've warned you
Hand note: People are mean when we are desperate
Eye note: I don't mention any name. So, ........... (fill in the blank with suitable answer)


Last but not least
Thank you people for the birthday wishes and presents
I love you guys so much :)


And my former clinical partner
Selamat Pengantin Baru, Nusaibah dan Harith
Moga berkekalan hingga ke syurga


Happy Graduation Day, friends!
:)

Thanks a lot

Thank you
For this opportunity

Thank you
For this experience

Thank you
For the trust

Thank you
For your support

Thank you
For every single thing


Did I ever mention that I like you?
If not then
I like you so much that I want to thank you for everything
Yes, you!



Patience kucingred
Patience
:)


Everything will do
InsyaAllah :)

Random~

There been a lot that happen recently

Yet too tired to write

Too lazy to think

Too hard to say

Just my 20 cents :)

Will wait patiently

Till then

:)

My trauma story

It was a very long time ago that I fell
Back then when I was eight
Things do not seems different until recently

You'll never know how things feel until you face it yourselves
And this is my story
A story of trauma
When you know the treatment options and it scares you
It scares the hell out of you
Because you know
Things wouldn't be the same
Not only wouldn't
It could never ever be the same

Challenges when you understand, yet to make wise decision for yourselves
Troublesome
And worst
You don't even want to think of it
Because truth is always painful

Apisectomy
Surgical exploration
Extraction
Redo and place MTA
You've heard and understand
But to experience it
Are you dare?

Vertical root fracture
The nightmare that follows me everywhere
Even to think of it sometimes give me a big headache

But on top of everything
We learn lots of thing from this single tooth
Different way of acquiring knowledge
For that I thank you Allah for everything

Alhamdulillah :)

Hanya kerana requirement

Seriously
Terkadang rasa terkedu menghadap folder pesakit-pesakit
Sebab kita nak yang terbaik untuk mereka
Kita harap kita boleh beri yang terbaik pada mereka
Kita nak buat apa yang terdaya untuk mereka

But guess what
Bila dapat pesakit refer
Kadang-kadang rasa sedih
Rasa marah, kecewa, geram
Dengan semua

Pesakit yang baik dan punya potensi
Tidak diberi informasi yang berguna
Pesakit yang tidak tahu dan tidak faham
Tidak dididik dan diterangkan

Speechless

Kamu menjadi manusia robot yang sombong
Kononnya siapkan requirement itu
Masalah utama tidak selesai
Katanya berilmu, ucapnya minat
Tapi yang terlihat cuma penipuan
Penuh kepura-puraan

Kecewa

Kami tak punya masa selamanya untuk membetulkan apa yang salah
Kita tahu siapa diri kita
Sebagai manusia kita pun lemah
Kenapa tergamak kamu buat begitu pada kita?
Pada kami?
Pada mereka?
Tidak takutkah kamu dipersoal tentang amanah?
Tidak gentarkah kamu ditanya tentang tanggungjawab?

Hanya kerana yang namanya requirement...

I don't understand

There has been too many things that happen recently that are able to make me start questioning lots of thing

I don't understand
And seriously
I don't get it

They are being a jerk by doing things that I would consider as unethical
These situations are very hard for my friends and I
Dual loyalty
That's the words

Diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapa
Serba tak kena

Frankly
These had been too much
And it's getting worse
And quite frankly
I don't know how it's going to end

O Allah
Please
Guide us in making the correct decision
If the decision that I am about to make is the right decision
Please give me strength to face the difficulties that rise with it
If the decision is not the right decision
Please give me strength to come clean and being honest

These had been a very tough thing to do
And frustrating too...

Why oh why

Aku selalu tertanya-tanya tentang sesuatu perkara
Sampai kadang-kadang benda yang agak simple pun dah jadi sangat complicated
Tambah pula aku ni memang suka sangat perhatikan perkara yang ada di sekeliling aku
Jadi memang banyak benda yang aku suka persoalkan dari sekecil-kecil perkara

Contoh macam semalam aku makan kat satu kedai ni
Ada parents and anak-anak
Aku tengok mak diorang makan guna tangan kiri (haruslah menggunakan sudu)
Dan aku tertanya-tanya
"Mak orang ni tak kisah ke anak dia makan guna tangan kiri"
"Dia ajar tak anak dia makan pakai tangan kanan"
"Kenapa laki dia tak tegur bini dia makan pakai tangan kiri"
And questions keep on poping inside my head


Takde motif
Saja nak tulis sesuatu

memandang, melihat dan merenung

Manusia
Zahirnya sama
Batin berbeza
Yang di luar nampak
Di dalam itu rahsia

Bibir tersenyum
Mungkin hati menangis
Mata menangis
Mungkin jiwa tidak segundah mana

Biar mata berbicara
Biar hati bercerita
Tak perlu diluah dengan kata

Terkadang diam itu bahagia
Sunyi itu gembira
Tangisan di hati pengubat lara

Terkadang tawa itu duka
Senyum itu derita



Semoga dipermudahkan segalanya...

New semester

Semester baru dah pun bermula  since last week

Nampaknya cuti sebulan dah transform certain benda dalam fakulti kami

Yeay

Dapat buku log baru yang berwarna merah

(Ok, poyo di situ)

Antara benda yang aku takut akan berlaku sedang berlaku

O Allah

Give me strength...

manusia tak sensitif

Sensitiviti mungkin merupakan perkara yang amat subjektif
Kalau dalam soalan peperiksaan, sensitiviti mungkin merupakan sejenis soalan yang bukan sekadar double meaning bahkan kalau kau baca soalan tu berulang kali kau akan mentafsir dengan pandangan yang berbeza pada setiap kali pembacaan
Tapi, sama juga macam soalan peperiksaan. Bila kau baca, kau akan kaitkan dengan benda yang paling relevan dengan apa yang kau tahu atau ada atau pernah dengar atau apa-apa yang ala-ala ring a bell. Jadi dalam kes sensitiviti ni kita kena ada satu titik penyama which i call as common sense

Kepada orang yang ditimpa musibah
Jangan ditanya perasaan sedih atau tidak

Kepada yang terluka
Jangan ditanya sakit atau tidak

Itu semua common sense

Kita ni manusia
Punya hati
Ada perasaan

setiap kali...

Lately ni
Setiap kali pulang ke hostel ada saja babak-babak yang rasa sakit hati
Sampaikan bila ada rasa nak buat kebaikan pun jadi fikir berjuta kali

Ya Allah
Lapangkanlah hati hamba Mu ini


Mungkin jiwa yang terlalu sensitif
Bukan salah mereka
Salah diri sendiri yang mempunyai harapan yang tinggi







Akhirnya terhempas





kitajugayangcubamenjagadanmemahamilalularimembawadiri

So close yet....

Aku cuba untuk tidak menaip
Tapi aku gagal









Tolonglah bertimbang rasa
Inikan Ramadhan







Is it too much to ask for?











When you see the true colours
It's a lesson you shouldn't forget












sometimesiwonderwhyitsnotthemT_T







O Allah
Give me strength

Exam, study and....

Musim exam final
aka professional exam
Adalah musim masterchef
Mengapakah begitu???
Haruslah masterchef lebih menarik berbanding buku-bukuan dan nota-notaan
Huk..huk..


Perasaan exam kali ini sangat berbeza
Mungkin kerana ada paper yang tak payah pergi exam kot
Huhuhu

Rasa pelik bila buat perkara berkaitan exam
Bahkan dalam slip exam tu sendiri ada tertulis subjek yang even kau tak boleh pergi exam pun


Dalam pada kau sibuk fikir perancangan masa depan kau
Menahan hati dan perasaan
Mereka bercakap tentang graduation and convocation
Oh, wait!
Kau kena sambung
Ok, fine!


I know the look
And I can read between lines
Please
Let's get this over with!


Mom and dad
Thank you so much for being so understanding
I'm so sorry for things that happen
Sorry for causing you so much pain
I barely stand on my feet to face this
But thank you for your soothing words


O Allah
Please, give me strength to face this
Please keep me on the rigth path
Please guide me along this journey
As You are the one that knows me better than anyone else



Nota lengan: banyak perkara yang harus difikirkan... Exam, interview, folder check, hati dan perasaan.... Cheezy lepas baca novel... Hehe ;P

It's always easier to say than done


I said i'm okay
But it's really difficult to feel okay




No more those questions please
Let time heals



P/s: tak payah nak stress sangat la kan.. Annoying

For real people

Betul la kata orang
Penantian itu suatu penyeksaan

Setelah bernanah telinga aku sebab hari-hari dengar orang cakap pasal requirement
Cakap pasal extend
Cakap pasal tak boleh masuk exam
Alhamdulillah, keluar juga segala keputusan

Macam biasa yang berlaku dan obviously dah boleh agak
Individu yang obviously selalu freak out tak tentu pasal
Dan individu yang suka stress sampai menstresskan orang lain
Wajiblah lulus tanpa sebarang masalah which is so predictable


Dan tinggallah aku di sini
Sambil senyum macam kerang busuk yang dah kena bakar
Serta berfikir untuk bermastautin di mana


Harap-harap bolehlah mereka tidur lena dan hentikan bercakap tentang perkara ini lagi
Aku bosan
Aku fed up
Dan aku juga manusia



Bolehlah start study dengan harapan dapat ilmu yang bermanfaat

......

Right now
No matter how hard i try
No matter how fast i run
No matter how deep i dig
Being realistic is more important

I'm not being pessimistic whatmore being optimistic

But one way or another
We have to admit that things do not always turn out the way we wanted them to be


Let us try our best
And Allah will do the rest


May Allah give me strength to face the reality


P/s: truth hurts....

There are sometime that I feel like I am everything and nothing at the same moment

O Allah give me strength to face everything that You have written for me


cravings for.....

observational learning..

Berjalan ke tempat orang

Sekurang-kurangnya aku observe satu perkara yang aku kira membuka mata

Bila kita bekerja

Penting untuk kita betulkan niat

InsyaAllah walau buruk mana perkara yang mendatang

Kita terima dengan hati yang terbuka

Kasih sayang Allah sentiasa mendahului kemurkaanNya

Rindu...

Terima kasih semua

bekerja 13 hari berturut-turut.. terasa seperti zombi sudah

Kelas dan klinik minggu lepas dari hari Isnin ke Khamis..
Bawa pula program community service di perkampungan orang asli hari Jumaat dan Sabtu
Terus ke USM untuk attachment OMFS dari Ahad ke Khamis
Sambung pula klinik dan kelas Jumaat dan Sabtu
Dan acara kemuncak Sabtu malam, dinner fakulti


Dah terasa agak disorientated dengan masa
Syukur Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan dengan indah

Rasa sangat seronok CS kali ni
Rasa sangat seronok pergi ke USM walaupun banyak babak krik-krik
Rasa sangat seronok dinner fakulti

Yang tak seronok ada assignment




Perkara yang tak dapat dilupakan



Sayang semua :)

when we talk about...

Lately ni
Requirements adalah satu benda yang tak lekang dari bibir dan fikiran kawan-kawan sefakulti
Masing-masing dah mula mencari segala ruang dan peluang untuk habiskan apa-apa yang termampu

Jujur
Kadang-kadang aku jadi annoyed dengan sesetengah manusia yang rasa dia je lah yang paling... (even aku pun tak tahu nak describe as apa)
Walhal
Bila tengok performances tu kira jauh lebih ok la dari aku ni

Bosan
Dia sajalah yang tak siap requirements
Dia sajalah yang stress
Dia sajalah yang patient tak dapat datang
Dia sajalah yang apa-apa yang dia rasa

At last
Yang kena panggil dengan doktor tu aku
Yang kena investigate dengan doktor pun aku
Yang kena bebel tu semua orang lah kot



It was a long week
And if I were to think too deeply
I think I can die of having too much thing to think off


Kita dah usaha
Rezeki Allah yang bagi
Dia kan Maha Mengetahui

Peringatan untuk aku yang selalu lupa dan suka merungut dan kurang usaha dan suka put the blame on others dan kurang sabar dan lain-lain


Motif sangat~

I'm breaking to pieces




O Allah,
Give me strength to change everything that i can

stressor

We always request things that we want
I wonder
Will it always be what we need?



Why not
Rather than well said make it well done
Saying won't help much dearie



Selfish, ego and unrealistic
Not open to suggestions
Narcissistic
Full of themselves
These are the true colours



Bosan dan malas untuk segalanya
Hari-hari dengar benda yang sama

lain

Lain dari biasa
Tidur ditemani mimpi sepi berteman air mata

Lain dari nyata
Yang dikata dan yang berlaku tiada titik penyama

Lain dari dia
Tiada yang sama tapi serupa

Lain dari aku
Jalan nan sama liku berbeda






Difference is good

-

Di awal minggu persekolahan sem 2.2 saja sudah banyak drama tidak beriklan...

Tangiskan saja semua kekalutan dan kesedihan...

Mujur,
Masih saja ada yang berbaik hati menghulur tangan mengubat galau

Melihat dan memandang
Tapi yang kelihatan cuma awanan hitam

Berjalan dan melangkah
Tapi serasanya masih kekal di tempat yang sama

Pegun!




Merindukan yang telah pergi menghadap illahi
Rindu suaranya
Rindu tawanya
Rindu wajahnya
Rindu senyumnya
Rindu nasihatnya
Rindu air matanya
Rindu mengucup tangannya
Jujur, sangat rindu
Bawa ke mimpi

of so called holiday and duties

Quite a number to think off


Please don't make it as one of the reason for the things that we don't want it to happen





p/s: you know what they said about hope...

it's about....

Just so you know,

I would stop the time if I could

-hmmmmmmm-

Bercampur baur perasaan semenjak dua menjak ni
Sampaikan tahap nak buat kerja klinik pun tak rajin
Tak masuk lagi segala assignment bagai

Telinga pun dah naik lali mendengar aura negativiti dari pelbagai sudut
Hanya mampu menadah atau memekakkan telinga
Terkadang jadi menerima dan mengiakan sahaja dalam diam
Atau bila jahat memberi cemuhan dan komen-komen mulut tak ada insurans

Bosan...

Terasa di-anak-tiri-kan oleh yang sepatutnya membimbing
Terasa dibuang jauh ke laut sepertinya tiada harapan untuk mencari jalan pulang
Terasa seperti tiada hati dan perasaan bila mereka bercakap dan bercerita tentang kita
Terasa bebanan bila tahu ada yang meletakkan harapan
Terasa tak mengerti dengan apa mahunya mereka

Akhirnya
Salah diri sendiri juga

Bosan...........

kata mereka...

Kata mereka
Sesiapa yang rasa dirinya tidak boleh selesaikan requirement menjelang bulan 6 bolehlah bertemu dengan supervisor jabatan masing-masing

Kata aku
Terlalu banyak yang tidak bermula lagi
Dilema supervisor mana yang harus muka ini berhadapan dengan

Yang terbaik saat ini
Bertemu dan mengadu dengan supervisor sekalian alam


O Allah
Give me the right thing at the right place on the right time
Give me strength to continue things that i've started
And give me serenity to face difficulties in life

-motivation-

at one point

we are just being able to stop

and don't know where to start

just please go away

-mixed-

Banyak perkara yang berlaku akhir-akhir ni

Semoga Allah hadiahkan kekuatan dan kurniakan ketabahan

Semoga Allah lahirkan rasa syukur

Semoga Allah permudahkan jalan

Teruskan berjalan dan melangkah

Sebab

Semakin lama kamu berhenti di dalam lumpur itu

Semakin susah untuk kamu teruskan perjalanan

Dan jangan bersedih

Sebab kesan yang tinggal tadi lama-kelamaan akan hilang

Dear you,

Menangislah andai air mata itu membilas kedukaan

Menangislah andai air mata itu merawat kelukaan


Uhibbukum fillah
Ukhuwwah fillah abadan abada

Another random things

It's nearly a month since last semester final exam
Which already been nearly a month my grandmother leave us all for good

Loosing someone is sad
But not being able to keep move on is worst

So, I've spent most of the semester break back in hometown

Things are different
The emotions
The surrounding
Even attitude

Not being there during the incidence had driven my feelings away from what others might have experienced
They certainly have their own sadness and pain
So, same goes to me

I'm used to similar situation and scenario
Well, not exactly the same
It was more or less playing with the same emotion

And Alhamdulillah
Allah give me strength to face the sadness
He even poured me with happiness by giving me a satisfactory grade for my favourite subjects
He sent a lot of  love messages from numbers of medium- making me realize how lucky I am for things to happen that way

My brother and my mom did asked me
If thing did turn out differently
What will happen to me?
Allah knows what will happen
So, things turn out the way it did
He spares my feeling during the examination
And He gives me a wonderful lesson

As I've been reading some book
I've found an interesting part of an originally a poem
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference"


Before it's too late
I just want to say
I love you
I'm so sorry
Thank you so much


Congratulation Zakiah, Yumni dah masuk umur sebulan..
Moga membesar jadi mujahidah solehah :)

Dia lebih mengerti

Alhamdulillah
exam dah habis

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i never had the chance to ask what did she feels about me
i never had the chance to say my apology
i never had the chance to thanks for things that she did
i never had the chance to create lots of memory


Alhamdulillah
i'm glad that cons class was cancelled during that study leave
for it i decided to run away to settle the manuscript
i'm glad that i chose to run away to settle the manuscript
for it i decided to call my parents
i'm glad that i called my parents
for it i decided to go to my hometown
and i'm glad that i insisted to be in gv on sunday
for it i had the opportunity to take exams
Alhamdulillah


kita merancang
Allah juga merancang
Allah jualah sebaik-baik perancang


thank you family for you to spare my feelings
for sending me your prays when you are torn
for sending me thousand of cherish words while you were cried


thank you for giving birth to my mother
for which without her i will never be here
regardless the distance
this one spot in my heart will always be yours


minta maaf
halalkan segalanya


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bukankah Allah telah berjanji
setiap yang hidup pasti akan merasai mati

week-end

masih tak ada mood lagi untuk belajar as usual
siap beli novel dan of course, dah beli haruslah baca
tengok cerita tak berkesudahan
pening kepala sebab side effects of meds
dengar lagu tak ingat dunia

boleh atau tidak sekiranya study leave itu tak digunakan untuk apa-apa aktiviti di kampus?

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you 

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

I'm falling to pieces 

I'm falling to pieces 

I'm falling to pieces

-breakeven, the script- 

satu perkara telah berakhir

Alhamdulillah ya Allah

at last
this thing has come to its end
rasa lega sangat-sangat

but i do feel a kind of frustration for things that happen
to whom
i don't want to mention because i did mention it somewhere else
why
don't want to mention it too because i also did mention it somewhere else

btw
congratulations to all
menang atau kalah tak jadi hal
except when you really want to win that badly
the most important thing is that you guys have shown a very good effort and a wonderful job

thanks to all for making the seemingly impossible to become possible



p/s: please, next time don't make faces and don't laugh. no matter how stupid it sounded, at least show some respect to human being because that is human rights.



rasa macam nak jalan-jalan menjauh dari semua ni buat masa sekarang

tulisan

bila kau dapat patient refer
dan kau rasa give up nak ambil tahu apa yang ada dalam rekod patient
sebab tulisan yang ada kat dalam tu macam cacing kerawit
or cakaran ayam


come on people
tolonglah tulis sesuatu yang boleh dibaca
permudahkanlah urusan orang lain


aku cuba membayangkan lecturer yang sedang menanda kertas exam
memang boleh muntah dengan jenis tulisan yang sangatlah tak boleh dibaca

jalan-fikir-tulis

bila benda yang kita paling suka atau sayang mengecewakan kita
rasa macam kita adalah manusia yang paling sedih
padahal
hikmah yang datang pun tak berani nak mengetuk pintu hati kita
sebab di pintu hati itu ada mangga solex yang besar siap dengan rantai besi




kata seorang doktor
" think and act like a doctor because a title comes with responsibilities"
kata saya
" insyaAllah, i'll try my best to please my patient and most importantly to please Allah"





ya Allah
peganglah hati ini agar tidak lari dari pandanganMu



kamu,
sometimes being me is not easy


saya,
perbaharui dan perbetul niat untuk segalanya


benar,
terkadang syukur itu lebih susah berbanding sabar


to you,
i'm sorry if i let you down

perlibahasa

tak pandai menari
salahkan lantai tak rata


kalau laba bercikun-cikun
buruk diberitahu orang


pipit tuli makan berhujan
tak ditahan padi habis
hendak ditahan baju basah


siapa berketuk
ialah yang bertelur











facebookbukantempatuntukkauupdatesemuabendadantibatibakauhairankenapasemuaorangtahutentangapayangkaubuatdaaa~

mix+random

it's weird how things change
as we walk together
things change
as we are getting old together
things never be the same
as i know you longer
things are different

be it mine or yours
we both change
for good
for bad
for anything

sometimes
things are better to left unspoken
sometimes
silence is just a treatment
sometimes
distance will bring us closer



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ada orang call and jemput pergi event di palace of golden horses
and i was like .....