hati yang rapuh

saya sangat sedih

i don't know how to describe it

saya terlalu sedih

i cannot control myself anymore

i am totally lost

seriously

i feel like giving everything up right now

i want to go away

how i wish i never been here in the first place

enough with lying my own feeling

enough with all things that i pretended it to be okay

enough with all the fake smiles

enough with i don't mind situation

enough with everything

Allah, forgive me

saya rasa sangat down

i am not excel in my study

not even have skills

even for the paper that others can score, i failed to score

even for paper that people say easy, it is hard for me

even for things that people can do it easily, it takes lot of effort for me to do it

how i wish i am not a left-handed

how i wish i am as good as others

how i wish i weren't me

ya Allah,

maafkan saya

jadikan saya lebih tabah

agar saya gembira menjadi saya

andai ini yang terbaik bagi saya

jadikan saya redha dengannya

jangan jauhkan rahmatMu dari saya

dan bimbinglah saya menuju redhaMu

permudahkan urusan saya di dunia dan akhirat

perkenankan

ya Allah

hati yang rapuh.......

saya terharu

dengan kebaikan seorang pendidik

walaupun terkadang terasa hati

niat mereka sangat murni

terima kasih :)

coward...

i am a coward

right now i'm just trying hardly to run away from the situation

seriously

i cannot face the reality

i am depress

i wanna cry, but i can't

i wanna scream, but i can't

i want to express the hatred, but i can't

i want to be honest, but i can't

i hate hypocrisy

but i guess i am a hypocrite

hypocritical as if i really don't care

i hate myself for being such person

as i can't be honest

i hope i can go far away

hoping that sorrows and dejections fail to find me

leave me alone

don't bother my life

leaving me smile happily

inside out

you can lie others but not yourself

the pain, sorrows, dejections and hatred you keep inside

will always be there

even if the wounds heal

the scars will always remind you of the pain

sometimes if you are hurt by others

silence is the best thing to do

if you afraid you might hurt others

just shut your mouth and let you yourself face the pain alone

and

pray so that it is the best for you

by the way

i'm a coward

that is why i'm expressing my emotion here

depression

seriously

aku rasa sangat down skang ni

with a very painful tooth

this is getting worse

i feel like giving it all up

i feel so tense

this is unbearable

i feel like crying

mama, take me home

delete all the pain, please

buntu

saya dalam dilema

melibatkan 2 individu yang sangat saya kasih dan sayang

diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapa, dikulum merana diri

saya buntu

saya tak tahu nak buat apa lagi

betul-betul dah mati kutu sekarang ni

betul-betul tak tahu nak buat apa

terlalu bingung

saya keliru

not perfect

aku x perfect

aku manusia

at one point

aku mmg x tahan

seriously

when things happen to be like this

aku nak pergi jauh

aku x nak buat kamu, dia dan kita sama2 sakit hati

tolong mengerti

aku x nak perkara camni ganggu hidup aku

bila aku diam

x bermakna aku x kisah

bila aku biarkan

x bermakna kau boleh nak ulang

kalau kau boleh kata kat orang lain yg kita dah besar n boleh pk sendiri baik buruk

aku nak kau pulak pk benda tu

jangan sampai satu hari nanti aku x boleh nak tengok muka n dengar suara kau

tolong jangan buat aku benci kau

aku x suka nak kerah orang buat kerja yg diorg patut buat

aku x kuasa nak ingatkan kerja yg diorg kena buat

aku x de hati nak tengok diorg siapkan kerja diorg

aku x de masa nak tanya2 org byk kali kerja dah siap ke belum

pd aku, cukup sekadar update

x payah nak kongkong n bebankan hidup diorg

sbb aku rimas n serabut bila org buat aku mcm tu

jadi kpd diorang,

tolong sgt bila aku x kongkong n kurangkan beban diorg

TOLONG buat kerja tu

n TOLONG jgn buat kerja sambil lewa

tolong sgt

sbb aku x perfect

aku manusia

aku boleh develop perasaan benci

and aku susah nak suka org kalau aku dah benci

i'm not going to hate you kalau kau baru buat benda ni pertama kali

sbb kau dah buat banyak kali la aku rasa mendidih sekarang ni...

tolong sgt2

i'm begging you

do you see it that way?

this is a true story

it is a story of a friend to a friend of mine

let's just call her mya

mya has lot of friends

some were best buddies

some were just friends

as normal people out there

mya does thinks that she had several mental disorder

she is a person whom easily cried over small things

she sometimes cries abruptly with no reasons

she is just a soooooo complicated teenager

mya sometimes does go berserk

she is a hot-tempered person

easily got anger and ran amok

she is just sooooo unpredictable

due to this mood swings and attitude changes

she thought that she suffers from a mental disorder

differ from what she always thought of herself

her mother, father, siblings, teachers and friends believe that she is a good

good in term of study

optimistic

can manage her life well

easy to say

they all see her totally differ from what she sees herself

she really wanted to ask but she couldn't

yet she's yelling inside her heart and really want to know

"DO YOU SEE IT THAT WAY???"

because

if you see it that way

she hopes that is for real

because

knowing that her beloved family and friends trusted her

it's doubling her strength to face the reality

well,

this is just a story

story of a friend to a friend of mine

have you ever see it that way???

t.h.i.n.k n t.e.l.l

:)

loss

tell them how much you love

let them know how much you care

show them how important they are in ur daily life

before it's too late

to lose your patience

you can ask an apology

to lose your kindness

you can create thousands reasons

to lose your beloved one

it's totally a loss

because......

they are irreplaceable

i love my family & friends

thank you for always be by my side

for the kindness and patience

for the calmness and motivation

for the happiness and joy

for every single things

thank you so much

thank you and love you :)

confusion ke?

it's not that i don't care

it's just i don't know how to show it to you

it's not that i don't mind

it's just i don't want you to know that i'm hurt

it's not that i don't want to tell you the truth

it's just i don't want to disappoint you

it's not that i don't love you

it's just i don't have the strength to admit it

dilemma

dilemma of a student i guess

the books are quite expensive T_T

how i wish i can buy the atlas

seriously, i love it damn much

...................................................................................................................

people are basically the same

but how they react are differ

...................................................................................................................

like is mentioned by mouth

love is mentioned by heart

....................................................................................................................

stop liking is sick

stop loving is dying

....................................................................................................................

tears in your eyes

disappointed in your heart

...................................................................................................................

huhuhu

i do feel like my soul is trapped in someone else's body
arghhhhhh
this is insane
i'm totally out of it

i'm way too tired
even my ear is hearing things differently
it also feels pain all over my body
shoulder, ankle
even my teeth

i really feel disappointed in the clinic today
for ohi it was not that bad
but for the scaling
it was not only horrible
i also feel that it was disastrous

lately i always feel uneasy
i don't know why

once again to myself
welcome to the torture phase
i really
i mean REALLY
need to use my right hand to
hold the handpieces
the contra angle is seriously too heavy for my right hand
the scaler is acceptable- if we were talking on the weight
but....
to control that particular thing was really difficult

o Allah
please help me

a mixture of....

seriously,

this is a combination of tachycardia, pain in tonsil & ear, confusion

and it all lead to severe unexplainable condition

why oh why every first day of the week these kind of feelings appear?

as usual, i'm not ready

not in mood

not in a state of accepting things

is this stress?

i can't sleep due to these feelings

help me

maturity???

how can i gain maturity?

tell me

sepatutnya, skang ni not the time for me for being too childish

maybe all this while i'm being too immature i guess

seriously i am hurt to thing that i'm not suppose to hurt

i cried for thing that actually i'm not suppose to cry

and bla..bla..bla...

tolong la...

wake up dear

do realize

things are already change

time also pass by...

touching....

emotionally unstable

tak tentu pasal nak touching :(

mood swing

have you ever listen to songs that are really describing yourselves?

making you realize that actually you are not the only person to feel that kind of feelings

have you ever feel the pain of being hurt till you cannot breath?

making you realize how much you love the person that's hurting you

have you ever cry a lot till you really couldn't stop your tears?

making you realize how nothing is actually something in your life

have you ever lost someone that makes you feel empty?

making you realize how important they were in your life

*************************************************************************************

if only i have that strength, i'll tell you today that I LOVE YOU

not only today, tomorrow and insyaAllah, always

i put hope on the best

but am will accept it with an open heart

perkenankan...

letih

mungkin kerana bercuti sebelum ni

mungkin juga penat angkut barang and pergi team building tu masih belum habis lagi

mungkin juga disebabkan suntikan vaksin hep b

tapi yang pasti

walaupun baru 2 hari

ia sangatlah meletihkan

rasa nak bukak mata pun tak larat

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

i kind of allergy dengan certain people yg shall i say g-pang

but serious shit kerja pun x buat

ya Allah...

ada juga species homo sapiens yg begini

T_T

i pun xbagus- i admit it

tp i try utk wat kerja i ok

cis

xtahu ke benda tu amanah?

ingat nak glamour je ke ngan jawatan anda tu?

haishhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

no offence k

siapa makan cili dia yg terasa pedas

and ni peringatan utk diri i sendiri gak

cHow~