feelings

i don't know why

i have these kind of feelings

not a pleasant feeling for sure

i want to cry

but i can't

it just a mixture of feelings

and combination of emotions

why oh why

i am having these kind of weird things

i'm insane

full stop!

saya ingin pergi jauh dari kamu!!!

atau mungkin kamu yang perlu pergi jauh dari saya

tolong jangan seksa hati dan perasaan saya lagi

the price that you need to pay

this is the price that you need to pay

pay it with your tears

pay it with your smiles

pay it with your laughs

pay it with your love

this is the way for you to get it

in order for you to take it

you need to pay

nothing is free in this world dear

be it sometimes unbearable

be it sometimes killing you silently

be it sometimes disgusting

be it sometimes too hard to endure

this is the price that you need to pay!

feels like giving up

feels like crying madly

feels like ignoring things

feels like dying

but this is the price that you need to pay

for you to stand still

lots of tears being waste

for you to keep walking

lots of emotions are burst

for you to remain fighting

lots of failures you have faced

for you to move on

lots of hardship you endure

and this is the price that you need to pay...

stop, cries, relax and reflect

bored of the same routines

and feel like giving up

STOP!

and take your very own time to your dearest self

tense of the same tasks

and feel like carrying a huge burden

CRIES!

and take your time to face the situation

tired of the same situations

and feel like letting it go

RELAX!

and take your precious time to soothe your mind

burden with all the mistakes done

and feel like nothing you can do to correct the situations

REFLECT!

and take your time to change yourself

hati dan perasaan

hati saya ada satu

perasaan saya lebih dari satu

bercampur

beribu mungkin

saya sangat malas

tekanan sedikit

i'm hoping that i can become more mature as i grow older

not hope i suppose

i should

and it's a must i guess

well, changing is not an easy task to be done

very challenging

for a very not independent gedik girl like me

hoping that things will be better

or shall i change it to make things better

things are getting harder and more difficult

yet me being too immature and act stupidly

just live my own life

go with the flow

and cry in sleep

haha

gilo punya kucingred!

getting older

holla~

minggu ni terasa sangat panjang

walaupun baru minggu pertama setelah cuti sem

tapi perasaan seakan sudah berbulan-bulan bergelumang dengan kelas dan klinik

masakan tidak

klinik kami yang dulunya pada hari isnin dan khamis telah bertambah satu hari lagi

iaitu hari jumaat

klinik yang dahulunya conservative dentistry dan prosthodontics sahaja telah ditambah dengan oral surgery, periodontics dan paediatric dentistry

mengundang kepenatan dan kelesuan barangkali

klinik bertambah bermakna keperluan untuk mencari patient juga bertambah

berapa ramai rakyat malaysia yang tinggal berdekatan ampang yang memerlukan khidmat rawatan pergigian?

berapa ramai di antara kalian yang mempunyai masalah gigi berlubang?

berapa ramai antara anda yang perlu dicabut giginya?

berapa ramai dalam kalangan kanak-kanak yang punya kekuatan untuk berjumpa doktor gigi?

ya Allah,

permudahkan urusan kami

note: thanks to all for the birthday wishes and presents....to housemates, thanks sbb temankan makan steamboat and to seniors, thanks for the souvenirs from bandung...

love you guys..ukhwah fillah abadan abada!

i just want to write...

it's already two and a half years

and to be specific

it's already five semesters i've spent my time studying here i suppose

five semesters

not too long to make me feel that i am old enough at the moment

yet not too short that i've created lots of things and experienced tonnes of memories including the bad one and not to mention the good one

i still remember the first time i got the offer letter to fod

making me feel like i was dreaming

dentistry

spell it D.E.N.T.I.S.T.R.Y

it was and still i suppose

something rare

it's not like rare in term of awkward or bizarre

it just a little bit deviate from the normal curve

that's it

making it become quite a lot differ and special i guess

during the orientation week

i'm telling the truth that i dislike biology

i still remember one of the trainee lecturer asked

"if you don't like biology, then why you choose dentistry as your first choice?"

and the reason for me choosing this faculty in the first place is still the same

and that particular trainee lecturer said

"if that's so, why don't......."

and me just stand still

and smile i guess hearing the trainee lecturer or the dentist saying that sentences

the next day

i'm going to the dentist, asking for a sign

a task for freshies

and the dentist asked

"you are the one who dislike biology, don't you?"- asking me confidently

and me without hesitate just nodding my head

"introduce yourself" the dentist instructed me

and asked several questions

and before i go the dentist called me and said

"well, dentistry is not merely about biology. it's the combination of sciences and you'll find it is an interesting field to be explored"

************************************************************************************

2 b continued

y oh y???

mengapa cuti hanya sekejap???

mengapa???

mengapa e-nilai terdapat ramai lecturer yang tidak ku kenal???

mengapa???

tidak mahu pulang ke ampang..

boleh???

clicking

clicking temporo-mandibular joint

tetap

walaupun exam dah habis

tekanankah?

agak menjengkelkan ok

serabut

luahan hati kucingred lepas exam

Alhamdulillah,

kami dah selamat habis 13 papers untuk exam final sem satu

and to be honest

several papers were too difficult kalau nak compare ngan papers yang lain

papers tersebut adalah......

periodontology (muntah)

oral and maxillofacial surgery (muntah hijau)

prosthodontics (muntah darah)

oral pathology and oral medicine (muntah+nanges air mata darah)

ok

sangat kuciwa k

and

to make things 'happier'

tadi result mid sem keluar untuk subjek cons and pros -pelik tapi benar-

and guess what

saya GAGAL subjek pros

hati saya tak gembira sebab

saya gagal

and paper final ni pulak tak leh jawab

arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

tekanan ok

takpe

exam dah habis

tunggu je la lepas cuti ni for the results

terima dengan hati yang terbuka ye kucingred

semoga kamu menjadi orang yang bersabar.....

tq kak ain and sarah for birthday present in advance...

sesiapa, saya nak buku armagedon 2012 untuk hadiah birthday saya nanti

harganya rm31++

juga mahu buku what your teacher didn't tell you rm40

pleeeeaseeeeeee!!

~lalla~

tagged by zara...

1. entah kenapa saya ada satu perasaan bahawa semua yang ada di sekeliling saya adalah satu penipuan.

2. saya tak suka lelaki yang pakai rantai dan gelang.

3. tak suka iron baju.

4. tak suka bau glove.

5. suka sangat makan kerang.

6. suka juga makan sup.

7. tak boleh terima minuman yang ada bendasing.

8. suka tangok video orang kahwin.

9. tak suka pergi shopping lama-lama sebab tak reti nak pilih barang sendiri.

10. tak suka tengok wayang sebab takut dengan situasi dalam panggung.

11. tak suka study.

12. tak suka orang yang kedekut tapi suka mintak orang lain punya barang.

13. rasanya saya ni tak berkira sangat kot.

14. saya segan nak mintak hutang kat orang so, sape2 yang hutang saya tu tolong la alert.

15. seorang yang pemarah and sangat panas baran.

16. tak suka orang yang bajet diri dia superior to others..rasa cam nak sumbat mulut dia dengan buah durian.

17. bila rasa sangat terluka dengan orang, saya takde kekuatan untuk berdepan dengan orang tu dan buat biasa...things change after the incident.

18. dia yang menggembirakan saya adalah dia yang selalu melukakan saya..common kan?

19. saya malas.

20. saya dilahirkan di kaunter pendaftaran/pertanyaan hospital. (tak sure pendaftaran ke pertanyaan..tp rasanya pendaftaran)

21. tak suka biology.

22. tak suka duduk hostel.

23. tak tahu kenapa tapi saya tak suka jumpa dentist.

24. tak suka lelaki yang dah berkahwin tapi gatal.

25. bila sangat marah pada seseorang, saya suka belanja orang lain makan untuk legakan perasaan.

cikeh, sila buat...

- write 25 things about u

sapa yg berminat, leh buat and inform me by leaving ur comment n i'll pay u a visit..

tq

perasaan ini.. susah nak tafsir..

Alhamdulillah, berkat izin serta rahmat Allah yang Maha Agung

we all dah selesai 10 papers or subjects untuk sem ni

tapi perlu diingatkan

masih berbaki 3 papers or subjects lagi

iaitu:

oral pathology oral medicine

general surgery

prosthodontics

tapi inilah masalahnya

makin ke penghujung, makin tiada mood untuk exam

makin sambil lewa

huhu

exam harini ngan semalam sangat terlalu amat disastrous

huhu....

bukan bermakna yang lain tu ok

tapi yang ini paling dasyat (buat masa ni)

dah lama tak de rasa tu

rasa blur

rasa tak tahu apa-apa

rasa....

even i cannot explain those feelings

kalau tak silap (kalau silap maafkan saya k)

kali terakhir saya rasa macam ni adalah masa jawab paper biochemistry and anatomy time first year dulu (of course to be specific paper anatomy sebab biochemistry first paper pro exam)

serius

saya tak tahu apa yang saya jawab

dan saya tak tahu apa yang saya tahu

perasaan yang sangat terlalu amat sukar untuk saya tafsirkan

besar sungguh dugaan dan pengorbanan yang perlu dihadapi untuk berjaya

tapi jangan mengalah

Allah takkan bebankan kita dengan something yang kita tak mampu kan?

semoga Allah permudahkan urusan saya dan kamu

"maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,

sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,

maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari satu urusan) tetaplah bekerja keras (untuk urusan lain),

dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap"

(94:5-8)

unspoken

7 papers to go..

too many...

cannot digest...

you...

you...

you...

you are too close to be seen

yet too far to be touched

oh,

emo la pulak

bila exam nak habis ni?

hati ni dah meronta-ronta

tak sanggup dah nak baca notes yang bertimbun ni

tolong!!!

sekali lagi

saya kegilaan...

huhu

budak tak sedar diri

hoho...saya ada gejala early childhood caries...

haha.. perasan giler early childhood..

tapi yang penting saya adalah tidak sedar diri

saya snacking masa study ok

saya dah giler..huhu