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i might be mean to you

i might not nice to you

i might talking harsh words to you

i might not a good friend to you

before it's too late

before you cannot hear what i'm going to say

before i cannot say things that i wanted to

before we get separated

i would like to say

thank you for your existence

that shine up my life all this while

thank you for being by my side

along my happiness and sadness

thank you for your care

through difficulties and sickness

thank you for being my friend

for which it is irreplaceable

and i wanted you to know that

even it seems like i don't care

even it looks like i don't mind

even i didn't be a good listener

even i didn't give you a shoulder to cry on

even i didn't able to wipe your tears

even i didn't manage to make you smile

do know that i'm very poor in expressing my feelings

and i want to say this three words to you (but i am shy)

i love you

friends...

mmmm

right now

to be specific

at this moment

i don't want to go for another treatment

and to be specific

dental treatment

insyaAllah

tomorrow afternoon

i will finish the 5 day course of metronidazole a.k.a flagyl

and hopefully

there is no another course of antibiotics to be taken after this

Alhamdulillah

the severe pain is reduced

and it's changing in its pattern

now, i'm just having an intermittent pain

and pain on biting

even the pain still annoys me a lot

yet it improves

not disturbing my sleep

not disturbing my study

not causing me to cry

not causing me difficulties during biting (even though it's still pain on biting, yet it's far much better than before lor..)

and that is one of the reason that causing me avoiding another treatment

i am afraid that treatment will cause me to feel another series of pain

which this is my greatest concern in seeing a dentist at the moment

i am grateful right now

even the pain killer still does not kill the pain

but the pain is reduced and can be tolerated by myself

i'm hoping that the next appointment is going to be in the next semester

can or not?

because

i don't want to experience pain during the exam week

it's too much disturbing

thank you Allah

for giving me the opportunity to feel the pain

that makes me being grateful for the state of well being and healthy

thank you Allah

for another experience

another day

another test

semangat yang hilang

ya Allah

aku betul-betul dah takde mood nak study ni

sangat malas

penat

baca pun tak habis-habis

sangat banyak untuk dihadap dan ditelan

sangat pening menghadap nota-nota yang penuh dengan tulisan

memang takde semangat dan mood untuk exam

tolonglah

semangat ku dah hilang

tersesat jauh di tempat orang

haish...

hate dentists??

i am so lazy to study

so, i googled 'why people hate dentists'

and here some of the interesting points that i've found

1. the dentist's attitude

people think that dentists have the 'mean' attitude. they are not friendly and like to give instructions with harsh voices and make you feel like a child. when you complain of pain and discomfort, they DISREGARD and say "you wont be feeling any pain"

from my point of view

this is sooooo true. i've experienced this several times. and i was like wth, i'm the one who feels the pain not you. so, don't ever disregard patients feelings please

2. the feelings of vulnerable and helpless

from my point of view

this is true. when you sit on the dental chair, somehow there's a feeling of vulnerable. maybe it is due to supine position or it just the feeling of unsafe because someone is looking into your mouth and their face is like going to enter your mouth..

3. afraid of the needle

from my point of view

i am way too afraid of vaccine injections rather than dental injections because dental injections give us the feeling of numb

4. pain

one of the most common reasons for hating dentist.

from my point of view

i've experienced dental pain on my already-extracted-46, already non-vital due to trauma 21 and currently-undergoing-rct-35 and i guess the existing pain is not the reason for being afraid of the dentist but the pain after treatment. still i am afraid of dentist because of post operative pain. (one of our lecturers said "we are pain givers")

5. they just hate us

they just hate us. that is something that we can't do much

from my point of view:

lots of people telling their bad experiences and that is one of the contributing factors in hating dentists i guess. and one of the lecturers said "they never like me or you" and this just a fact that need to be digest and swallow by us.

if you want to know more why people hate dentists, google it yourselves and you'll find some funny and interesting info regarding this issue :)

trauma or phobia

recently i have been in dental surgery for some treatment

but apparently, i am having a kind of trauma and phobia right now

anywhere i go and everywhere i sit

my olfactory nerve telling me that i am in a dental surgery

and the experiences of swallowing that sodium hypochloride made my taste buds telling me that i am still swallowing that solution

and frankly speaking

this condition annoys me a lot

all this while i never ever like dental surgery (but i am hoping that this will not last forever la)

and i really mean it

for all the dentists that work really hard to save my 35

i would like to express my gratitude to you guys for doing so

for all that being concern towards my tooth and pain

thank you so much for helping and being so nice

for all the advices and supports

may Allah bless you for doing so

thank you Allah

for another experience

another story

another day

doakan phobia and trauma saya cepat hilang

i am mentally torture and emotionally distress

I HATE YOU!!!

making decision

right now i'm trying to make a wise decision

and i think that i'm going to give it up

and in order for me to do so

i'm preparing myself mentally, physically and emotionally

seriously, this is a hard and tough decision

and i'm thinking of letting 'you' go

and if that thing happen

i hope it is the best for both 'you' and me

but right now

i'm trying hardly to cope and tolerate

praying that 'you' would not leave me

but i'm also preparing for the worst thing that could happen

for the time being

i would like to say that

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY 35 DEARIE

you will never be replaced

unless if i think of making denture in the future

but for the time being

i guess no

tolong doakan 35 saya

tq in advance

memories

hari jumaat lepas third year students of fpg usim ada exam muamalat

exam kat dewan kuliah al-quds

and i would like to write something about this lecture hall

i still remember the first day in faculty of dentistry

at that time

lecture hall ni takde lagi meja and kerusi macam sekarang ni

and at that time

still no name

it was empty

hanya ada carpet biru yang menutup lantai

and masa tu we all second batch

lecture kat bilik tutorial sebelah tu

tak lama lepas tu

lecture hall tu pun dah ada meja and kerusi

still we all occupy bilik tutorial tu je

kata mereka

lecture hall itu untuk student first year tahun berikut

lecture hall itu kami occupy masa exam

sejuk sangat masa tu

sampai biru jari-jemari

muka pun naik kebas sebab sejuk sangat

masa senior nak exam pro ke2

bilik tutorial jadi dewan exam

kami pun diarah pindah ke makmal komputer yang for sure time tu takde lagi komputer

tetap

lecture hall itu tidak kami gunakan

tapi

lecture hall al-quds lah yang paling banyak simpan kenangan

saya tak tahu kenapa

tapi ramai orang yang menangis dalam lecture hall al-quds

and i am one of them

dia semacam ada satu ketenangan bila duduk dalam al-quds tu

and then nangis

and i do think that kat fpg ni lecture hall al-quds still the best port untuk nangis

masa first year dulu

bila dapat result teruk

gi al-quds, nangis

dapat carry mark teruk

gi al-quds, nangis

bila depression

gi al-quds, nangis

rasa give up

gi al-quds, nangis

pendek kata bila ada burst of emotions

al-quds lah tempat air mata tu jatuh

bila batch baru dah daftar

mereka occupy al-quds

masa tu lecture hall ni baru je dapat nama

kita pun dah jarang-jarang masuk al-quds

tapi tetap

saya sayang al-quds

sampai bila-bila

saya tetap sukakan lecture hall al-quds

explosion of emotions

burst of emotions

eyes are full of tears

no words can be spoken

no sentences can be written

so childish

too pampered

way too immature

thank you Allah

for another test

another day

another feelings

jalan-jalan di kota melaka

adoi.. jariku terluka

kalau menangis tentulah sedih

jari itu terlalu pedih

ada buku mari membaca

luka jariku terkena kaca

masalah yang takkan berhenti

esok adalah last klinik we all untuk sem ni

tiap-tiap kali klinik prostho memang akan rasa berdebar

berdebar sebab rasa diri ni tak mampu nak puaskan hati patient yang datang

minggu depan saya ada appointment dengan doktor

takut

tapi kena la jumpa doktor jugak

hari jumaat ni ada exam muamalat

tapi serius otak kitorang tersangat kosong

tiada memori subjek tersebut melainkan mengantuk, bersembang dan yang seangkatan dengannya

ya Allah

permudahkan urusan kami

assignment bhsc

setelah dibebel

setelah dato' naik berang

barulah terketar-ketar tangan nak menaip

baru terhegeh-hegeh nak mencari

(tak la terhegeh-hegeh pun sebab memang tak jumpa masa cari tu)

akhirnya

setelah dapat artikel yang dicari

menggunakan khidmat google translate yang sungguh membantu

tolong terjemah dari bahasa portugis kepada inggeris ye cik google

akhirnya

menarik nafas kelegaan

Alhamdulillah

tq Allah

family is the best remedy

critical situations

when you feel like crying and totally out of it

family is the best remedy

you're not saying words to express your feelings

you don't need to cry in order for them to understand

they just know

cause family is the best remedy

it's not their words of advices

not the hug that comfort and protect you

it's just because they are family

and family is the best remedy

indeed, family is the best remedy

tiba juga cuti

minggu yang sangat panjang i guess

sangat letih

penat dengan klinik

pelbagai karenah manusia

sakit gigi pulak

somehow rasa sedih sebab tak dapat siapkan and hantar penulisan kreatif untuk akasia (sebab berperang dengan emosi sendiri and melawan kesakitan yang menggila hinggakan mengalami kesukaran untuk tidur dan berfikir)

tapi dapat gak tolong che pah, nurin and nysah untuk clip video (bukan dalam teknikal, just berlakon)

and we all manage untuk buat persembahan malam tu

and join the pantun yang tak tahu camne tetiba jek boleh menang

sekarang ni sangat lega

tapi sangat memerlukan tidur dan rehat yang panjang

sangat malas untuk belajar walaupun exam semakin dekat

sangat malas untuk klinik sebab memang malas (tak perlu specific reason pun sebab klinik itu memenatkan)

sangat malas untuk menghadap muka sebahagian dari manusia yang senantiasa membuatkan diri sendiri boleh kena darah tinggi in which they would like to make so called innocent face yang akhirnya membuatkan kita juga yang kelihatan teruk (gth la you!)

sangat malas mendengar kata-kata yang berbaur i'm way too good in comparison with you (once again gth la you!)

kesimpulannya i'm really tired and need a very good time for myself

biarlah

be it gedik

be it mengada

and be it manja

i don't care what people say

one thing that i know that

it is unbearable

tak sanggup

skang ni saya tengah menderita sakit gigi

mungkin esok saya akan bertemu dengan dr

saya sebenarnya tak sanggup dah

tak sanggup derita dengan gigi yang sakit ni

tak sanggup juga berjumpa dr sebab sakit

saya buntu

dalam dilema

tolong la

sakit, pergilah jauh-jauh

saya dah nak exam ni

kesian la kat saya

ya Allah,

permudahkan

saya masih lagi takut

dentist or doktor gigi

bila cakap pasal doktor gigi, sakit gigi ni memang kebanyakan orang akan rasa takut

i would not blame them for feel such thing sebab saya sendiri setelah hampir 3 tahun berada dalam bidang ni masih lagi takut akan dentist

tak tahu kenapa, mengapa, bagaimana

tapi membayangkan diri sendiri berada di atas dental chair dengan mulut yang terbuka tu saja dah buat saya rasa berdebar

and if i were to imagine the pain, of course the anxiety become greater

entahlah..

as far as i could remember, i never had a bad experience in dental care during childhood

but the anxiety of seeing dentist is quite bad..huhu

saya pun tak tahu macam mana

even if i go to dental clinic untuk temankan my mum or brother, still rasa macam nak pecah jantung sebab sangat berdebar

i have several filled teeth which the procedures was painless (as far as i remember la kan)

a root canal treated tooth which already been extracted

tapi nak katanya even dah banyak kali jumpa dentist

dah banyak kali buat treatment (which are painless)

still i cannot hold myself from the anxiety

huhu...

am i going to be scared towards my own self?

Allah, buangkanlah ketakutan itu dari hati hamba...

idea(s) anyone?

i need to write

i have a very severe toothache

and it makes me feel like to go berserk

seriously,

it is not a pleasant thing to be experienced to

this pain is way too unbearable compared to previous pain

medication to be taken

antibiotic to be finished

classes to be attended

wire to be bended

exams to be think of

make the pain even worse

having the pain radiating to the ear, head and even eye

makes me feel like crying

and now

difficulties in opening mouth

the pain are not explainable

i only can say that it even worse than period pain

ya Allah,

tolonglah saya

final exam is just around the corner

tsk..tsk..tsk...

kifarah

sakit itu kifarah

penghapus dosa

bersyukurlah anda diuji

Alhamdulillah

too many things to be written

a lot of thoughts to be shared

but seriously

i loss the words

lots of things that need to be taken care

but least efforts done

emotionally, mentally and physically disturbed

seriously

this intermittent pain is sometimes unbearable

Allah,

please give me strength to face this situation