what the heck???

ohhhhh

seriously

i really do hate people that g-pang

for god sake

do they people know that each and every responsibility will be asked on the judgement day?

ada seorang hamba Allah ni

he was promoted

but due to his greed

he wanted to be promoted to other position

which then require him to do more job

(the former job was done by a woman and she got herself promoted and this guy is thinking of replacing her position)

and he got it

but the idiotic guy since for ever never done his job

being lazy and always skip his job

yet again being idiot

try to act clever by "doing" others job

it was and still pathetic!

and there another him

also being idiotic

and with title of i shouldn't mention

being idiot and stupid like hell

claiming things were wrong

which actually he because being idiot

didn't realize that he is cleaning up his closet

again pathetic human being

for god sake

you are being paid for what you work for

so each and every cent that you eat in which you didn't do your job, Allah will asked you later

and remember

you use the money to fed your spouse and child

may it does not become something we don't want it to be

i've bump into several people that have this attitude

and tbh i don't feel like working with them again

and if i were able to choose

certainly will say no to them

i'm tired working with people that do nothing

and at the end

they claims like they were doing things since for ever

and one more

i know you are clever

i know you do things nice

i know you are rich

still you don't have the right to say others stupid

you don't have the right to condemn others as if you are perfect

spell it P.E.R.F.E.C.T dear

and guess what??

you are not

not perfect

neither cool

i know i'm being cruel

i know i'm being mean

but sorry to say

this is reality

it can't be helped

manusia...apa nak jadi???

tadi masa i tengah duk sibuk-sibuk berfacebooking

my mum sembang-sembang dengan i

she said that yesterday she went to her previous school which just in front of our house to meet some of her friends (we live in quarters)

and she told me that a day before yesterday

several couples were caught during having sex behind one of the teacher's houses

and i was like what on earth of them doing so

plus it is inside school compound

the girl got the chance of running and she is a form one student

while the boy, the third former students unfortunately was caught in birth-suit

it is pathetic to hear things like this to happen

i cannot imagine how the parents would feel to hear this thing happen in their family

in school

it just so pathetic

apalah nak jadi dengan dunia ni

and the teachers also informing my mum that at the students' port of having sex party

they write comment about what they were doing

and one of the first former girl student was caught because her name is written repetitively by the guys

and when the teacher asked her what happen

she just answer it with

"dah diorang nak, saya bagi yang terbaik la.."

OMG

she just 13 yet she said it like she is a pro

ya Allah

apa nak jadi lah dengan dunia ni

dengan Allah tak takut

dengan manusia apatah lagi

yang tak tahan tu

boleh berbangga bila buat maksiat

ya Allah

jauhkan kami dari menjadi manusia yang berbangga dengan kemungkaran

jauhkan kami dari menjadi manusia yang menolak kebenaran

jauhkan kami dari menjadi manusia yang mengamalkan maksiat

jauhkan kami dari fitnah dunia dan dajjal

it's a huge lipan...

oh my god

there's a huge lipan climbing my legs last night

i was searching for hair clip when that creature climbs my legs

i was like what the shell that creeping on my legs

and my eyes was like going to poop out of its origin to see the lipan

and i just ran and became so anxious

terus google the lipan thingy

does the lipan can bite

can it cause death

bla..bla..bla..

and during the google session

my dad came out from his room

and he said

"kakak..tengok ni apa.."

and my mum yang tengah tengok tv time tu pun berpaling

she asked

"dapat mana benda tu?"

i tak nampak apa benda yang ayah i tunjuk and muka curious mak i membuatkan i tertanya-tanya..apakah???

i terus tanya

"apa benda tu, yah?"

and ayah pun tunjuk that huge lipan

and i was like.....

"mana ayah dapat benda tu?"

and he said

"benda ni jalan-jalan atas badan orang tadi..ingatkan apa benda, orang kuis la..sekali tengok..lipan"

terus jek i tanya

"dia gigit ke?"

"taklah..dia jalan-jalan je"

and

i couldn't sleep last night

termimpi-mimpi kot lipan tu

seriously

it's so huge

i miss

i miss those time when they called me farhanah/farhana

it's holiday

it's holiday

spell it h.o.l.i.d.a.y

HOLIDAY

it's good to be home

without books

without clinics

without stress

mmmmm

but

the routine are just the same

facebooking, blogging, watch something from external hard disk, you tube

bla..bla..bla..

mommy and daddy are working

same goes with my big bro and younger bro

which makes only two of us left

me and my youngest bro

plus

a monkey yg ada kat runah kitorang ni

bile la mommy nak cuti ni

i bosan la duduk rumah je

i don't start a thing yet for elective

oh my....

and

i didn't return the keys and access card yet

oh my....

reason for not giving up

"I have nobody close to me to be my heroes to look up to in my recovery process,
because they succumbed to cancer.
i lost my grandparents to it.
i understand if they didnt have enough motivation to continue life, to fight cancer.
they've had and achieved everything in their lives.

but me,
i'm 20! ive achieved, NOTHING at all in my life.
i know i still have a long way to go ,
and i wont give up until i win this.
i'm not born a quitter, and i have my reasons to continue this life.

i'm diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer,
with very little chance of living

BUT WHO CARES WHAT STAGE IM IN and what percentage i have left!
you're not God, dont make easy assumptions predecting my lifespan."

one of the inspiring words that i've found during blogwalking

indeed

it's true

al-fatihah to the owner of these words

may Allah bless her

kucingred,

no reasons for giving up!

second or middle child syndrome

hah..

here it is again the syndrome

attention seeker i guess..hukhuk

tak dop kaitang langsung

in dilemma again

i'm waiting for a time

for me to happily making decisions without feeling so much trouble like these days

stress tahu

nak buat pilihan pun tak reti

buat pilihan untuk orang pandai pulak kamu ni kucingred

haish

one of the symptoms i guess

water it is...

one day during past professional exam's study session (it was before clinical examinations)

i felt kinda dizzy

sure it is not a pleasant feeling during examination time

i prefer not to take drugs for pain unless it is severe as for less than a year i've took so many NSAID that i think it would damage my liver happily if it's not being controlled

so, for the sake of my examination

i think it's better for me to take 2 tablets of PCM 500mg

it was somewhere around after zohor

i took the PCM and went to the fridge to take a glass of water when i suddenly realize i didn't drink even a sip of water yet for that day

and i just left my PCM on the table and rehydrate myself with a glass of water

i can't really remember when did i started to reduce water intake

i guess it happen when i first living in hostel back then in 2002

and the habit is being maintained ever since then :(

seriously

i need to get rid of this not taking water habit

idea(s) anyone

help me

so

i- i don't forget to drink water

ii- i drink enough plain water

satu lagi

mana nak cari decaff pny coffee ek?

again

last week went to dentist (as what is stated on previous post)

doctor took a look on my opg

and she said that my tmj kinda pelik??

idk how pelik is pelik

but

i always have problem with my tmj

and that's a fact

after being given a splint

still nothing change

and to make it worse

become more painful

and was advised not to wear it for the time being until instructed to do so

i just knew that for some university that has matriculation program

if they learn all the four subjects namely physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics

the pointer will count on three best subjects

how am i not knowing this kind of things?

pathetic me i guess

tak sabar mahu start clinic cons..........

tetiba teringat time first year dulu ada seorang trainee lecturer ni marah kitorang cakap

with your pointer ni you all tak layak enter dental faculty

mmmm

is that so

just wondering la kan

rezeki itu di tangan Allah

bukan pada pointer tamhidi

buktinya walau org tu dapat rendah pointer tamhidi, tapi degree dia perform

tak tahu la if it's applicable dekat doc tersebut punya u

no further comment

doakan segalanya dipermudahkan

ustaz saya sakit

doakan beliau

thanx semua :)

miscellaneous

last week went to dentist

cheh..padahal tingkat atas lecture hall je pun

was complaining of pain????

on transillumination..macam ada crack line kat 21

on radiograph..crack line kat 11

so, the conclusion is.....???

the pain is.....

if in the medicine and surgery posting

bila bagi pain scale to the patient

0 to 10

0 is no pain

10 is the most severe pain or can be equal to toothache or pain on giving birth (exclusive for mommies la)

dah tu

if kt dental clinic

nak analogikan sebagai apa???

so..

because no evidence based

was concluded as hypersensitivity

and was advised to use tooth mousse (camni ke eja dia?)

i really like the malaysian dental students group in fb

it's fun to get know students from other institutions

looking forward to seeing the dental students all over the world :)

excited!

for god sake

kinda annoyed with notifications yg bertimbun from former schools pny group

sometimes they post something which really stupid like

malam ni tak jadi futsal sebab ..... and ..... are busy

or

sunyinya sini harini

or

apasal tak update status korang (merujuk pada manusia yg bercouple)

oh god..

please

tempat public

and if it meant for alumni

tak payah la nak cite pasal nak futsal ke apa ke

tolong ek

nota k-file: i kena cari tooth mousse kat pharmacy

nota gates glidden bur: bila agaknya i nak completekan treatment RCT gigi 35 ni?

nota barbed brooch: bila agaknya i nak remove the impacted third molars ni? sometimes they are annoying..

nota h-file: submandibular lymph node is tender..either because of impacted 8 or ada pulpitis kah? or tonsillitis again???

nota apex locator: i hope the pain go for good

addiction

currently have addiction on choki-choki and bruno mars

sometimes feel like impossible to finish the requirements

especially for prostho

ada tak sesiapa yang boleh menghidupkan semangat prostho?

i really am feel bad upon prostho requirements

it's been a while since doctor forbid me from taking coffee and tea

cuma kadang-kadang termakan jugak kopiko and coffee flavoured sweets

any tips on prosthodontics?

help me please

one strong heart

a person that has a very strong heart

never say no to people that hurt them

cry for people that they love

and smile in every pain that come

a very strong heart that the person has

keep them in love even being hated

keep them in calm in a very hectic situation

keep them in peace in tonnes of problem

a heart that the person has is very strong

calming in every love

soothing in every single word

peaceful in every single thing

a person has a heart that is very strong

hold the fears to soothe

hold the tears to ease

hold the dejection for hope

a person that never disappoints

a person that always forgive

a person that never forget

a person that special

nota bitewing: saya pilih menjahit untuk course elective... so not me

nota periapical: saya masih belum pulangkan kunci ke pejabat kkp

nota occlusal view: monyet di rumah saya makan sirih...

semoga saya punya kekuatan untuk course elective ini.. mak kata senang saja untuk buat jahitan ini.. harap-harap begitu la

nota intra-oral radiograph: saya rasa teringin nak buat restoration dan extraction sekarang ni

doakan saya berjaya menjahit!

the people

there's always the people behind every single things that we do

sometimes helping

and sometimes disappointing

no matter how hard for it to be endured

how hard to be faced

just let the people be

they would not get any benefits of our actions

mode

i'm pissed off with so called friend in elective topic selections

if you think my choice is easy and lame

so, it's lame and easy for you

plus..

i don't ask your opinion

so don't talk to me like i'm dying for telling you my choice

lucky you i'm not cursing you and slap your mouth as i wanted to do it for quite long time

it's the principle of autonomy here i'm talking about

sukahati tok nenek aku la aku nak buat apa

as if i would ask your parents to support my choice

being patient with you for quite sometimes

and hope it wouldn't end up with me saying a lot of impolite words upon you

i make it clear here that i prefer our relationship is maintained as what it is

and i don't wish you to cross the line and so do i

i don't want the hatred seeds to something that is worse

i know

my bad

i just can't stand this kind of human

ok fine

kalau kamu tak boleh stand dengan saya pun tiada masalah

kita manusia

we can't like everybody

and we can't make everybody to like us

that's fact

nota mouth mirror: it's not good for underestimating others

nota tweezer: sometimes you should know when people not expecting you to react

nota probe: careful what you'll make others feel

nota examination tray: i'm not being cruel.. but this is not the first time for the people to do this and i'm not the only person to feel this

nota apa-apa sahaja: abaikan post ini because it's not you

selamat hari pendidik

saya, kucingred

dengan penuh rendah diri

ingin mengucapkan

SELAMAT HARI PENDIDIK

buat semua cikgu-cikgu dan pensyarah-pensyarah serta ustaz-ustazah yang tak jemu-jemu berbakti untuk agama, bangsa dan negara

buat warga pendidik di luar sana yang suka makan gaji buta tu

bawak-bawak la bertaubat

ingat, Allah akan mempersoalkan tanggungjawab kita di akhirat kelak

specially thanx and sorry to all pendidik di

taski abim wilayah persekutuan labuan

pasti at-tauheed

sk bandar baru sungai buloh

sar as-solihin

smk bukit gading

smka kuala selangor

sbpi gombak

tamhidi usim

fod usim

tak dilupakan

atok saya En Abdul Latif

and anaknya, merangkap ibu saya Pn Nor Aimi

selamat hari guru!

nota kaki: ada tak sambutan hari dentist??

rumah-manis-rumah

finally

at last

dah balik umah

happy!

nota forcep: kunci rumah dan access card masih tak hantar lagi

nota coupland: kaki merasa numbness setelah terhimpap dengan troli besi yang keras itu semasa mengangkut barang..tolonglah tiada apa-apa...

nota warwick james: nota yang banyak itu akan dihantar untuk kitar semula atau jual

nota cryers: kurma mereleasekan endorphin..ok..ni saya punya statement

clearance

seperti tahun-tahun terdahulu

i would always prefer to go back home a little bit late

sebab i know how sakit your hati when you need to clean others stuffs

to throw away all the things that were left behind

and bla.. bla.. bla..

so

i always decided untuk jadi antara yang terakhir

so that i will ensure

non of my stuffs are left behind

so that orang lain tak perlu bersusah payah nak tolong hangkut barang-barang tu pergi common house or tong sampah

i cut my finger (the ring finger to be exact) on the left hand

the cut is deep and painful

nota naber's: it's good to be home soon

nota william's: not decided the topic for elective course yet :(

nota gracey's: hormonal imbalance it is

i miss my family and home so much

the tears

it had been so long for us to wait the results

just like one of the surgeon had mentioned

it's sometimes certain people cannot make it

it is hard for us to face this situation

and i bet it is harder for the person themselves to face it

as a friend

i really do feel bad upon this thing

i hope you guys are doing good

i might not be able to teach you guys

i might not be that helpful

but i want you to know that i love you guys so much

and i always join my pray with all of you

insyaAllah

if you guys have problem

text or call me

i"ll try my best to help you with what i have

ingat kawan-kawan

kasih sayang Allah itu sentiasa mendahului kemurkaanNya

and He always know what are the best things for us

nota tone: tahniah kepada yang berjaya..kejayaan itu juga ujian

nota power: la tahzan, innallaha ma'ana

nota reflex: maaf kerana saya tidak banyak membantu... i feel bad for this

nota coordination: saya doakan kita semua sentiasa berada dalam rahmat dan kasih sayangNya, insyaAllah

lOvE,

kucingred

..life..

tadi pagi saya dan beberapa orang kawan menduduki viva untuk subjek behavioural science and oral health...

saya cemas...

sejurus masuk ke ruang peperiksaan dan memberi salam saya diarah untuk duduk

berdebar...

tapi ternyata external examiner itu sangat baik dan friendly

soalan pertama

apa khabar?

(build a good rapport with someone)

kemudian ditanya pula tentang asal dan perasaan menghadiri sesi viva pada hari ini

saya puji

memang seorang doktor yang baik

pandai mengurangkan jurang antara dua individu yang berlainan status

katanya lagi

pendefinisian kami terlalu text book/lecture notes/dictionary oriented

hasil didikan dekan kesayangan sejak dari tahun 1 mungkin

saya berharap

external examiner yang lain juga boleh jadi sefriendly ini

sekurang-kurangnya, hilangkan debaran kami biar hanya seketika

(tidaklah seolah-olah hampir berhadapan dengan cardiac arrest kerana terlalu takut dan terkejut)

nota LA: saya tidak faham kenapa kadang-kadang soalan peperiksaan itu sangat tidak berkaitan dengan apa yang kita belajar.. KBKK kah?

nota syringe: kenapa dalam banyak perkara yang kita belajar, mereka lebih suka membuat soalan perkara yang kita tidak belajar? mengharap pada kesyumulan???

nota cartridge: jangan suka pandang remeh perkara yang kamu malas ambik tahu kucingred sebab selalunya perkara itu yang membuat kamu menyesal

nota malamed: saya teringin nak tahu jadual exam pelajar dental lain kat dalam bumi ni.. adakah memang tercatat bahawa pelajar dental memang ada exam yang disastrous?

insyaAllah, esok result kami akan keluar....

tolong doakan kami semua (27 orang pelajar 2nd batch dental usim) dapat naik tahun tanpa halangan

doakan juga supaya kami semua tak perlu resit exam dental...

thanx semua,

Allah saja yang dapat membalas budi baik kalian

:)

just another me

for each and many of my friends did

and for feelings that we used to share

i'm writing this just to write

no offense and no heart feelings kay

because i've promised myself not to make my mother especially to feel sad

i just enter this university

i was offered to pursue medicine a twinning program apart from this institution

and i asked my mum to make decision for me (as second and middle child are not good in making any)

but...

during tamhidi

when filling the faculty application form

i made my own choice

because it was going to be my path, my career

and i chose dentistry as the first choice

and all praises to Allah

i'm in this field right now

the one that i chose

and i believe

He gives me everything that i need

not things that i want

when i was in second year

i asked my mother

"mak... mak pernah tak terfikir yang kita akan ambik dentistry?"

and she said

"mak tahu... kamu dengan ajan selalu serius dalam study... mak percaya yang kamu dengan dia akan ambik course yang berat macam ni... along dengan achik pulak dari kecik lagi dah nampak kreatif... dan mak percaya yang diorang akan pergi ke arah yang macam tu"

and i asked her again

"ye lah.. tapi mak pernah ke terfikir yang kita akan ambik dentistry?'

and she answered me

"tak pun.. sebab pergigian bukan sesuatu yang biasa dengar"

i replied her

"betul tu.. kita pun masih tak percaya yang kita ambik dentistry"

and i smiled

i just want to make her happy

the last time i cried through phone to reach her was in first year

it was during carry mark results was given to us

i cried cause i was so sad with it

and she consoled me

before hang up the phone she said

"jangan macam ni.. kamu buat mak jadi risau"

and again

i promised myself not to make her worry

but i failed

again i was crying through phone during optech session

and i asked my mother

where did i get the lefthanded genetic from

(bodoh gile tanya soalan macam tu..)

and she said that

"guna tangan kanan kan lebih baik.. berkat"

and i agreed

and now

i cried in toilet

i cried after clinics

i cried after exams (yang ni kadang-kadang je kot)

i cried when i failed

i cried when i mad

i cried when i stressed up

it just i don't cry through phone

because i don't want to make her sad

i don't want her to be worry

because i love her so much

footnote: i really am differ when i am at home and with friends.. maybe second child syndrome is true actually

doakan kami semua...tq

saje

saya tidak suka bercerita kepada orang bahawa saya merupakan pelajar pergigian

bukan kerana saya tidak suka course ni atau apa

tapi saya tidak suka bila ada saja mulut-mulut laju yang suka menyatakan

i- wah, hebatnya ambik dentist... mesti budak pandaikan?

ii- best la kau, amek course yang hebat-hebat... tak macam aku ni...

iii- kenapa ambik dentist? ni mesti sebab tak lepas nak ambik medic kan?

tapi..

mulut orang

saya boleh buat apa?

mulut saya sendiri pun tak terkawal

saya cuma nak bagitahu kat sini

pergigian mungkin satu course yang boleh dikategorikan agak lain sebab

bukan semua institut ada fakulti pergigian

bukan semua orang terdedah dengan course ni

(saya rasa hampir separuh, mungkin lebih yang tak tahu pergigian ni ada banyak cabang)

dan saya nak bagitahu yang saya berada dalam bidang ni

seperti kamu-kamu di luar sana

saya tak larat nak jawap soalan kenapa pergigian bukan perubatan

ini rezeki saya

jalan yang Allah beri pada saya

saya cuma minta kalian doakan yang terbaik untuk saya

satu lagi

seperti yang mak saya selalu cakap

kalau benda itu namanya belajar

tiada jalan mudah

jalannya tak senang

jadi, baik medic, dentist, engine, cikgu, arkitek, polis, askar, kerani dan apapun

kalau dah namanya hidup

kalau dah dipanggil belajar

tiada yang senang

skop mungkin berbeza

tapi menuntut ilmu itu pasti ada dugaan

jadi

don't judge people based on what they are doing

i bosan ok

nota kaki: menghormati perbezaan itu adalah yang terbaik

doakan kami semua untuk peperiksaan ini....tq

regret

something happen

and it makes me thinking of writing this

this just a little piece of memoir in my life

just a little bit

i still remember back then in 2002 during my first former of secondary school

in our place, we are been given offer letter to proceed to either school in that area

and i've got the nearest school from my house which is just in front of the house

apart from having KAA, this school has the worst history of discipline ever in our area

i never ever want to live in hostel

and i don't know why parents always wanted their child to do so

but i try not to say no to my parents

i always blaming hostel for not being able to be with my family during my grandmother's leg amputation

i always blaming hostel for not being able to be with my family when my little brother was accident

i always blaming hostel for not being able to know my father was admitted to hospital due to dengue

and i always blaming hostel for not being able to go to my uncle's funeral

i know

it does sound pathetic for me to blame hostel for all these things

as if i were there, things are going to change

i never told my parents

how much the hatred for being there

i still remember in form one

during usrah session

the seniors are like kind of dissatisfy with us

and in musolla that time (dak laki pergi sembahyang jumaat masa tu)

they were like a psycho

really mad at us for unknown reason

i still remember they said iklil is way too cocky because she only sleep during weekends

they also mentioned about qystina is conquering the fan at night

wtf..

their mind is way too low

seriously, i don't get it

why they were acting like a moron?

unacceptable attitude from so called religion school students

(that is also why they were acting like so desperately need opposite gender's love- according to maslow's hierarchy of need)

and the most stupid part ever for them to act is

crying and peluking us like we are going to die due to suffocation when they are about to exam

(omg.. yang kau buat dosa berkepuk-kepuk fitnah orang bagai nak rak segala tu kau tak fikir.. yang kau fikir exam kau je..seriously disgusting human being)

okay i kind of overwritten unnecessary things

this is not what i wanted to regret of

back then in my fourth and fifth former

i moved to other school- again i was trying not to say no to my parents

but i can't lie to myself

it's difficult

the classes are way too heavy

time prep ada kelas

hujung minggu ada kelas

time cuti ada kelas

senang cakap selagi ada masa, ada waktu, then we need to be in class

one day....

i was like really tense for having all these stuffs

furthermore

i just went to see our principal because i failed my history paper

i was hoping for my parents to come

to at least soothe my feelings upon these things

unfortunately

daddy was mad at me

so mad because i'm a little bit late

I WAS LATE FOR 5 MINUTES!

and he scolded me like i was late for ages

i am human being

i have feelings

and without further thinking

i reply my dad with tears

i said

"tunggu 5 minit pun tak boleh sabar ke?? kita dah lama sabar.. bukan 5 minit, tapi 5 tahun.. pernah ke nak faham hati ngan perasaan orang lain.."

i never thought of those words could came out from my mouth

and..

i saw my mother was crying after i said those words

daddy was so mad and he packed all stuffs and ask my mum to go back home

and i silently, with tears just watching them leaving the school

it's hurt to see my mother cried for things like that

i was supposed to be a little bit patient on that day

that's it

but i hurt person that i love the most with my words

sejak tu saya berjanji

saya tak akan buat mak saya menangis dengan perbuatan saya

saya cuma nak jadi anak yang baik

i don't want to hurt her

saya sayang mak saya

tapi saya tahu

sayang mak pada saya lebih kuat dan dalam dari apa yang saya rasa

semoga Allah lindungi mak dalam rahmat dan kasih sayangNya

i really am regret for thing that happen

saya bukan anak yang baik sejujurnya...

nota CVS: bosan dengan kata-kata yang tidak menggambarkan perkara sebenar

nota respiratory: annoy dengan kamu-kamu yang hipokrit (sama dengan point CVS)

nota abdomen: action speaks louder than word (if you know what i mean)

semoga Allah mempermudahkan urusan kita semua, insyaAllah

dalam pada kepeningan saya menduduki peperiksaan

tidak pula saya tahu ada sesuatu yang berlaku di luar pengetahuan saya

sesungguhnya saya hanyalah manusia

saya tidak tahu apa yang bukan di depan saya

bahkan apa yang di depan tetapi tidak diluahkan juga saya tidak tahu....

ya Allah

semoga semuanya baik-baik saja

doakan kami semua berjaya naik ke tahun 4

insyaAllah

i'm not being rude

but sometimes words doesn't count

actions are better i guess

(jangan cakap je bai tapi habuk pun takde)

.f.a.m.i.l.i.a.

being the only daughter do make things a little bit differ

i might be the only suitable person to talk with

i might be the only person to understand

or shall i say that i was force to understand things up to their standard

i love my mother with all my heart

i love my father with all my heart

and i love my brothers

i want them to be happy

i want each of them to be blessed by god

i want them to know how much i love

for things that i've never mentioned or shared

i just want they know how do i feel inside

i can only write these to express

but beyond these things

only Allah knows how do i feel

for it cannot be written in words

thanx for supporting me during the hardships and failures

while facing sorrows and dejections

thank you for being there

a word brings thousand emotions

a word leads thousand interpretations

INDEED

cocky

okay

fine

i am cocky

lot cockier than you can imagine myself to be

aku dah agak benda macam ni memang laju je akan sampai kat telinga orang

if i deny it pun tetap orang akan cakap macam tu

jadi aku nak buat pengakuan besar-besaran

I AM COCKY

harap semua pihak akan berpuas hati dengan statement ni

aku sangat cocky walaupun aku tak tahu nak clerk patient tu

aku sangat cocky sebab cuba membenarkan GCS yang aku jawab cam bodoh tu

aku sangat cocky sebab cuba mempertahankan GCS yang memaksa kita untuk intubate patient tu

aku sangat cocky dengan memberi differential diagnosis yang tak betul

apa lagi?

tolong la aku listkan lagi kecockyan aku dalam exam semalam

biar puas hati semua orang

biar semua orang tahu aku ni student yang bajet bagus giler depan specialist padahal bukan tahu apa pun

maaf sebab aku membawa perception yang buruk terhadap fakulti kita

maaf sebab aku memang terlalu amat sangat cocky

dan terima kasih semua sebab sangat concern dengan kecockyan aku

nota abdomen: dah lama tak nangis before and after exam macam harini.. time mintak measuring tape tadi suara aku memang bergetar tahap apa

nota thyroid: changing for better, for good i guess.. tak payah gatal nak cakap apa-apa lepas ni kucingred.. buat sakit hati orang lain jek

nota jaundice: terima kasih buat yang sudi mendengar tangisan aku yang tak merdu langsung tadi tu.. thanx for being understanding

nota MVA: obviously aku ni memang tak baik, jadi aku harap aku dapat spouse yang boleh ajar aku jadi manusia yang lebih baik

C.O.C.K.Y k.u.c.i.n.g.r.e.d

modified long case general surgery

guess what

sudahlah tak boleh jawab

siap kene sound lagi dengan examiner

haish

prepared for the worst thing to happen la kot

ya Allah

permudahkanlah urusan kami

mesti doktor fikir yg aku ni sangat budget bagus..

hukhuk

well, sebab tu org kata jgn gabra

kan sudah jadi GCS max 15 score with M=5,V=6,E=4

sangat sesat ok

dari mana aku dapat kekonfidenan itu jgn ditanya

it was the stupidest answer for basic thing ok

apa2 je lah

doakan yang terbaik untuk short case general surgery and modified long and short case general medicine

all the best semua!

insyaAllah, rabbi sahhilna

emo

i am not that good

get rid all of your imaginations about me

i'm merely human being

i cry when i'm sad

i failed in exams

i have feelings

there's always dark side of me

and i have secrets

because i am human being

stop thinking like that

because i ain't perfect

fyi

i'm not pleased with that if you do so to please me

i'm not happy if you think of making me happy with that

and i mean it!

things are not going to happen as what we wanted it to be

it happen according to our need

be thankful for every single thing

a reminder to myself

thought

watching some stories in television lately

make me realize how important things in our life

just because it is easy for us to gain

it never does mean that thing is not meaningful

something that might be very dear to us might be not to others

and vice versa

and for that reason at least

be thankful for what we have

for us to waste our money for dumb idiot thingy

in some place, people hold their need just to please their children needs

to waste foods and drinks

in some place, people are dying for not getting enough nutrition

for us to whine all day long

people are facing horrible things that you might not even thought of

differences that compliment us

differences makes us unique

differences makes better me

differences bring unity

i hope that i won't be that selfish

nor being an ungrateful human

lots of love

kucingred