Wednesday, May 11, 2011

just another me

for each and many of my friends did
and for feelings that we used to share
i'm writing this just to write
no offense and no heart feelings kay

because i've promised myself not to make my mother especially to feel sad
i just enter this university
i was offered to pursue medicine a twinning program apart from this institution
and i asked my mum to make decision for me (as second and middle child are not good in making any)
during tamhidi
when filling the faculty application form
i made my own choice
because it was going to be my path, my career
and i chose dentistry as the first choice
and all praises to Allah
i'm in this field right now
the one that i chose
and i believe
He gives me everything that i need
not things that i want

when i was in second year
i asked my mother
"mak... mak pernah tak terfikir yang kita akan ambik dentistry?"
and she said
"mak tahu... kamu dengan ajan selalu serius dalam study... mak percaya yang kamu dengan dia akan ambik course yang berat macam ni... along dengan achik pulak dari kecik lagi dah nampak kreatif... dan mak percaya yang diorang akan pergi ke arah yang macam tu"
and i asked her again
"ye lah.. tapi mak pernah ke terfikir yang kita akan ambik dentistry?'
and she answered me
"tak pun.. sebab pergigian bukan sesuatu yang biasa dengar"
i replied her
"betul tu.. kita pun masih tak percaya yang kita ambik dentistry"
and i smiled

i just want to make her happy
the last time i cried through phone to reach her was in first year
it was during carry mark results was given to us
i cried cause i was so sad with it
and she consoled me
before hang up the phone she said
"jangan macam ni.. kamu buat mak jadi risau"
and again
i promised myself not to make her worry

but i failed
again i was crying through phone during optech session
and i asked my mother
where did i get the lefthanded genetic from
(bodoh gile tanya soalan macam tu..)
and she said that
"guna tangan kanan kan lebih baik.. berkat"
and i agreed

and now
i cried in toilet
i cried after clinics
i cried after exams (yang ni kadang-kadang je kot)
i cried when i failed
i cried when i mad
i cried when i stressed up
it just i don't cry through phone
because i don't want to make her sad
i don't want her to be worry
because i love her so much

footnote: i really am differ when i am at home and with friends.. maybe second child syndrome is true actually

doakan kami semua...tq

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