rentetan 2010

Alhamdulillah, syukur kerana masih lagi diberi peluang olehNya untuk terus bernafas di atas dunia yang penuh tipu daya

entry harini bertujuan untuk recap balik all the things that happen it this year macam yang kat TV3 tadi

akademic and faculty

Alhamdulillah,

-lulus professional exam yang kedua membolehkan naik ke tahun 3

-dapat siapkan all the requirement untuk optech

-pergi clinical attachment and gain a lot of new knowledge

-siap jugak requirement pre-clinical untuk cons

-lulus competency test and start treating patients

kesihatan

-fever, cough and cold

-repeated tonsilitis

-got a tooth rct and failed. already extracted

-got hep b vaccination which was really hurt

-got steroid injection due to allergy to unknown substance

-chipping of (ke fracture?) a distal area of tooth, temporary filled, has a series of severe pain, pulp extirpated and still incomplete treatment

-got a lot of radiation exposure

-got a lot course of antibiotics

-was diagnosed to have several abnormal tooth ______ (structure ke hape ke idk)

feelings

-developing hatred to a guy

-stable hatred to a so-called-professional

there are lots of things to be written

but i'm way too lazy...

to people out there,

selamat tahun baru

semoga tahun 2011 membawa kebaikan yang bertambah kepada kita semua

iAllah :)

kisah aku yang bengang

aku bengang bukan bangang ok!

sebelum ni every time aku naik klinik tingkat 16 nak jumpa dr

diorang akan keep on cakap pergilah buat treatment dengan sr

aku ni tak kisah pun nak buat treatment dengan siapa

it just takde masa lapang nak gi klinik time sr punya klinik

so, sebab nak tolong sr, i went to their clinic petang tadi

in the clinic

hari ni group kak huda disupervisekan oleh dr tersebut

(which aku tak terliur pun nak mention nama dia dalam blog aku ni)

dah la aku memang tak suka dia- point no. 1 untuk aku wat perangai macam najis mukhaffafah

dia pun sememangnya pernah ada isu dengan budak batch aku- point no. 2 untuk aku wat perangai cam najis mutawasitah

dia cakap benda yang obviously unsubstantiated pasal aku (aku memang la pantang sungguh kalau orang yang tak tahu apa-apa ni tapi suka jadi mr/miss-i-know-everything)- point no. 3 untuk aku wat perangai cam najis mughalazah

and i was like wth

ko pehal nak cakap camtu pasal aku

sebab manusia cam hamba Allah ni lah

aku ngan kawan2 aku kena belajar behavioural science macam nak mati

otak tuhan bagi ko tu suh guna untuk fikir

bukan wat pekasam

you are so not professional

bukan sebab apa yang berlaku kat aku je aku cakap macam ni

ko ingat ak tak tahu apa staff kat tingkat 16 tu cakap pasal ko?

i do observe people and what's more important is i am not jumping into conclusion as what you did to me

so childish and way too immature

do feel ashame la wei kata kat orang macam tu

by doing that

you just cleaning up your closet

i'm writing it here so that in the future

i still remember things that happen to me

regarding this field

i really hate dentists

and i hate you!

rage with all my heart

warning: this post may contain impolite words. to those who do not like cruelty, you are advised to leave this page a.s.a.p. tq!

i don't know when this kind of feelings start to develop

YOU!

i am so sorry

i'm very sorry

i've tried with all my heart to forget what you have done to me

but i'm just a so stubborn and super ego 21 years old female

i cannot help myself to forget what had happen

i cannot help myself from hating you

it just cannot be helped!

YOU!

don't ask me where did you go wrong

don't even dare to ask me what are your mistakes

because it just a lot

too long to be listed

and i am too tired to list it for you

YOU!

i don't know what else to do

the feeling of love and friendship that surround us before already fade

not only fade i guess

it breaks

and causing me to suffer a lot of pain

YOU!

i hope you will not do things that will cause me to hate you more

because it is difficult for me to hate people

and guess what

you are tough enough to make me hate you with all my heart

i appreciate your strength

YOU!

for all the sadness from your words

for all the hatred from your actions

for all the negative feelings from what you have done

i forgive you

but,

i am sorry

because along with my forgiveness

i cannot forget all those things

i keep on repeating it in my mind

i am not deleting your messages

so that i will keep on remember what you did and be more careful

am i being too cruel???

kucingred: no, it just a kind of self defense

to YOU!

so sorry i just hate you

bubbye~

tagged by ckin

1st : copy n ltk picx nie.

2nd : pendapat sy ttg blog..

saya rasa kat blog ni saya boleh tulis apa yang saya rasa and maybe write something that cannot be said.. sort of meditation to reduce stress perhaps

3rd : tnjuk gambar dekstop..

kalau dah tukar gambar lain kot baru tunjuk.. segan pulak nak tunjuk

4th : snap picx anda skrg tak kira ap jua keadaan.

next question please!

5th : adkh anda prnh hlg brg tsyang?

if manusia tu consider as barang, yes

if gigi tu consider as barang, double yess

if kepercayaan tu consider as barang, triple yesss

6th : word describe si dia

si dia??? saya tiada kenalan yang bernama si dia... next!!!

7th : anda pandai memasak? bila kali terakhir?

mak saya kata, semua orang pandai masak.. ia antara malas masak or masak tak sedap.. jadi, saya pandai masak..

kali terakhir saya masak adalah isnin, 20/12/2010

8th : tag org laen,10 org.

kalau baca and anda rasa rajin, buatlah... and tell me so that i can pay you a visit.. tq

a long week

minggu ni sangat panjang

terasa sangat panjang

terlalu amat panjang

pengalaman yang menarik untuk dilalui

cuma bukan yang terbaik untuk diingati

thanx to sarah and nurin

sebab temankan saya ke klinik idzham and emergency department hospital ampang

thanx kepada zahrah

sebab bagi saya patient untuk klinik os

thanx again to nurin

for the paediatric patient

tq everybody for your support

to YOU

off you go

i really hate you

and i mean it

go away please

ya Allah

berikan saya kekuatan dan kesabaran

jauhkan perasaan benci dari hati ini

suburkanlah kasih antara hati kami

amin

aku tak tahu!

kenapa lepas aku floss gigi aku akan rasa sakit masa bite?

is it normal or not?

kalau benda yang sama jadi kat patient aku yang floss after aku bagi ohi

aku nak cakap apa kat diorang?

takkan aku nak cakap

"takpe makcik, adik, akak, abang, pakcik

gigi saya pun sakit jugak lepas floss"

kompius la

bukan ke floss tu untuk increase and promote good oral hygiene?

tapi kenapa jadi sakit??

is it normal???

or it just me that being so abnormal?

just a deviation from normal curve???

this feeling is freaking annoying

tulun... tulun... tulun...

professional ke?

professionalism

apakah professionalism tu?

sejenis mamalia?

reptilia?

mungkinkah beliau itu amfibia?

in what manner you judge people is being professional?

their attire?

attitude?

appearance?

as for me

to be honest

i consider people are professional when

they work nicely with the person that they hate

they admit their mistakes even to a less experienced people

they can work under pressure without being stress

they do not assume things

they listen to others even to something which is ridiculous

and one the most important thing is that

they are not being bias and emotional

saya ni bukan seorang yang professional

but i try to be one

k

chow bedah!

saya tak paham dengan masalah gigi saya

saya berharap ianya tiada apa-apa

saya sangat risau

sekian

i am a human being

i am a human being

smile

laugh

cry

i have done

i am a human being

happy

satisfy

tense

i do feel

i am a human being

family

friends

animals

i might rude

i am a human being

stop this nonsense kucingred!

aku tak punya kekuatan

ya Allah

bila fikir klinik prostho je rasa cam nak nangis

aku tak punya kekuatan utk berhadapan dengan klinik prostho

aku rasa tak berdaya

mampu ke aku nak puaskan hati patient and hati aku sendiri?

Allah,

berikan kekuatan

ya Allah

andai itu yang terbaik bagiku

permudahkanlah

andai itu bukan untukku

jauhkanlah

perkenankanlah ya Allah

sometimes choices are too difficult for a decision to be made

i'm just 21

choices are not something for me to think of (at least for the time being la)

i know i'm being too immature

but i just don't know how to make the right choice

so that in the future i don't regret things i've chose

i am in dilemma

help me!!!

berita dah basi

dilanda kemalasan- tiada alasan kukuh

kg cheras baru, 7 dec- seorang pelajar fakulti pergigian u*** telah dikenalpasti menghadapi kemalasan yang teramat terutama menjelang hari khamis kerana perlu hadir ke klinik prosthodontics. beliau yang hanya ingin dikenali sebagai kucingred berkata bahawa beliau memang tidak menggemari klinik tersebut lantaran ketelitian yang diperlukan sepanjang proses penghasilan gigi palsu. selain itu, beliau yang sememangnya terkenal dengan kemalasan berkata bahawa beliau bukanlah seorang yang teliti, justeru mengurangkan lagi kesungguhan beliau dalam menghasilkan gigi palsu. tambahan pula, daya kreativiti yang rendah menyebabkan beliau tidak dapat membayangkan tanda tempat anatomi (anatomical landmark) pesakit beliau dengan baik. bagaimanapun menurut seorang pensyarah beliau yang tidak ingin dikenali, tiada alasan yang kukuh telah dinyatakan kucingred tentang kemalasan itu. seorang rakan beliau turut mengulas tentang sikap malas yang ternyata sudah sebati dengan jiwa beliau. rakan beliau yang hanya ingin dikenali sebagai W berkata "mungkin kehadiran seseorang yang istimewa dapat mengubah sikap kucingred." - ternama

i don't get it

i don't get it

why you are being so irrational and irresponsible

you are looking so nice

yet you are just the same

now i know

why they mention

"don't ever judge a book by its cover"

and this is the reason

FULL STOP!

feelings

i don't know why

i have these kind of feelings

not a pleasant feeling for sure

i want to cry

but i can't

it just a mixture of feelings

and combination of emotions

why oh why

i am having these kind of weird things

i'm insane

full stop!

saya ingin pergi jauh dari kamu!!!

atau mungkin kamu yang perlu pergi jauh dari saya

tolong jangan seksa hati dan perasaan saya lagi

the price that you need to pay

this is the price that you need to pay

pay it with your tears

pay it with your smiles

pay it with your laughs

pay it with your love

this is the way for you to get it

in order for you to take it

you need to pay

nothing is free in this world dear

be it sometimes unbearable

be it sometimes killing you silently

be it sometimes disgusting

be it sometimes too hard to endure

this is the price that you need to pay!

feels like giving up

feels like crying madly

feels like ignoring things

feels like dying

but this is the price that you need to pay

for you to stand still

lots of tears being waste

for you to keep walking

lots of emotions are burst

for you to remain fighting

lots of failures you have faced

for you to move on

lots of hardship you endure

and this is the price that you need to pay...

stop, cries, relax and reflect

bored of the same routines

and feel like giving up

STOP!

and take your very own time to your dearest self

tense of the same tasks

and feel like carrying a huge burden

CRIES!

and take your time to face the situation

tired of the same situations

and feel like letting it go

RELAX!

and take your precious time to soothe your mind

burden with all the mistakes done

and feel like nothing you can do to correct the situations

REFLECT!

and take your time to change yourself

hati dan perasaan

hati saya ada satu

perasaan saya lebih dari satu

bercampur

beribu mungkin

saya sangat malas

tekanan sedikit

i'm hoping that i can become more mature as i grow older

not hope i suppose

i should

and it's a must i guess

well, changing is not an easy task to be done

very challenging

for a very not independent gedik girl like me

hoping that things will be better

or shall i change it to make things better

things are getting harder and more difficult

yet me being too immature and act stupidly

just live my own life

go with the flow

and cry in sleep

haha

gilo punya kucingred!

getting older

holla~

minggu ni terasa sangat panjang

walaupun baru minggu pertama setelah cuti sem

tapi perasaan seakan sudah berbulan-bulan bergelumang dengan kelas dan klinik

masakan tidak

klinik kami yang dulunya pada hari isnin dan khamis telah bertambah satu hari lagi

iaitu hari jumaat

klinik yang dahulunya conservative dentistry dan prosthodontics sahaja telah ditambah dengan oral surgery, periodontics dan paediatric dentistry

mengundang kepenatan dan kelesuan barangkali

klinik bertambah bermakna keperluan untuk mencari patient juga bertambah

berapa ramai rakyat malaysia yang tinggal berdekatan ampang yang memerlukan khidmat rawatan pergigian?

berapa ramai di antara kalian yang mempunyai masalah gigi berlubang?

berapa ramai antara anda yang perlu dicabut giginya?

berapa ramai dalam kalangan kanak-kanak yang punya kekuatan untuk berjumpa doktor gigi?

ya Allah,

permudahkan urusan kami

note: thanks to all for the birthday wishes and presents....to housemates, thanks sbb temankan makan steamboat and to seniors, thanks for the souvenirs from bandung...

love you guys..ukhwah fillah abadan abada!

i just want to write...

it's already two and a half years

and to be specific

it's already five semesters i've spent my time studying here i suppose

five semesters

not too long to make me feel that i am old enough at the moment

yet not too short that i've created lots of things and experienced tonnes of memories including the bad one and not to mention the good one

i still remember the first time i got the offer letter to fod

making me feel like i was dreaming

dentistry

spell it D.E.N.T.I.S.T.R.Y

it was and still i suppose

something rare

it's not like rare in term of awkward or bizarre

it just a little bit deviate from the normal curve

that's it

making it become quite a lot differ and special i guess

during the orientation week

i'm telling the truth that i dislike biology

i still remember one of the trainee lecturer asked

"if you don't like biology, then why you choose dentistry as your first choice?"

and the reason for me choosing this faculty in the first place is still the same

and that particular trainee lecturer said

"if that's so, why don't......."

and me just stand still

and smile i guess hearing the trainee lecturer or the dentist saying that sentences

the next day

i'm going to the dentist, asking for a sign

a task for freshies

and the dentist asked

"you are the one who dislike biology, don't you?"- asking me confidently

and me without hesitate just nodding my head

"introduce yourself" the dentist instructed me

and asked several questions

and before i go the dentist called me and said

"well, dentistry is not merely about biology. it's the combination of sciences and you'll find it is an interesting field to be explored"

************************************************************************************

2 b continued

y oh y???

mengapa cuti hanya sekejap???

mengapa???

mengapa e-nilai terdapat ramai lecturer yang tidak ku kenal???

mengapa???

tidak mahu pulang ke ampang..

boleh???

clicking

clicking temporo-mandibular joint

tetap

walaupun exam dah habis

tekanankah?

agak menjengkelkan ok

serabut

luahan hati kucingred lepas exam

Alhamdulillah,

kami dah selamat habis 13 papers untuk exam final sem satu

and to be honest

several papers were too difficult kalau nak compare ngan papers yang lain

papers tersebut adalah......

periodontology (muntah)

oral and maxillofacial surgery (muntah hijau)

prosthodontics (muntah darah)

oral pathology and oral medicine (muntah+nanges air mata darah)

ok

sangat kuciwa k

and

to make things 'happier'

tadi result mid sem keluar untuk subjek cons and pros -pelik tapi benar-

and guess what

saya GAGAL subjek pros

hati saya tak gembira sebab

saya gagal

and paper final ni pulak tak leh jawab

arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

tekanan ok

takpe

exam dah habis

tunggu je la lepas cuti ni for the results

terima dengan hati yang terbuka ye kucingred

semoga kamu menjadi orang yang bersabar.....

tq kak ain and sarah for birthday present in advance...

sesiapa, saya nak buku armagedon 2012 untuk hadiah birthday saya nanti

harganya rm31++

juga mahu buku what your teacher didn't tell you rm40

pleeeeaseeeeeee!!

~lalla~

tagged by zara...

1. entah kenapa saya ada satu perasaan bahawa semua yang ada di sekeliling saya adalah satu penipuan.

2. saya tak suka lelaki yang pakai rantai dan gelang.

3. tak suka iron baju.

4. tak suka bau glove.

5. suka sangat makan kerang.

6. suka juga makan sup.

7. tak boleh terima minuman yang ada bendasing.

8. suka tangok video orang kahwin.

9. tak suka pergi shopping lama-lama sebab tak reti nak pilih barang sendiri.

10. tak suka tengok wayang sebab takut dengan situasi dalam panggung.

11. tak suka study.

12. tak suka orang yang kedekut tapi suka mintak orang lain punya barang.

13. rasanya saya ni tak berkira sangat kot.

14. saya segan nak mintak hutang kat orang so, sape2 yang hutang saya tu tolong la alert.

15. seorang yang pemarah and sangat panas baran.

16. tak suka orang yang bajet diri dia superior to others..rasa cam nak sumbat mulut dia dengan buah durian.

17. bila rasa sangat terluka dengan orang, saya takde kekuatan untuk berdepan dengan orang tu dan buat biasa...things change after the incident.

18. dia yang menggembirakan saya adalah dia yang selalu melukakan saya..common kan?

19. saya malas.

20. saya dilahirkan di kaunter pendaftaran/pertanyaan hospital. (tak sure pendaftaran ke pertanyaan..tp rasanya pendaftaran)

21. tak suka biology.

22. tak suka duduk hostel.

23. tak tahu kenapa tapi saya tak suka jumpa dentist.

24. tak suka lelaki yang dah berkahwin tapi gatal.

25. bila sangat marah pada seseorang, saya suka belanja orang lain makan untuk legakan perasaan.

cikeh, sila buat...

- write 25 things about u

sapa yg berminat, leh buat and inform me by leaving ur comment n i'll pay u a visit..

tq

perasaan ini.. susah nak tafsir..

Alhamdulillah, berkat izin serta rahmat Allah yang Maha Agung

we all dah selesai 10 papers or subjects untuk sem ni

tapi perlu diingatkan

masih berbaki 3 papers or subjects lagi

iaitu:

oral pathology oral medicine

general surgery

prosthodontics

tapi inilah masalahnya

makin ke penghujung, makin tiada mood untuk exam

makin sambil lewa

huhu

exam harini ngan semalam sangat terlalu amat disastrous

huhu....

bukan bermakna yang lain tu ok

tapi yang ini paling dasyat (buat masa ni)

dah lama tak de rasa tu

rasa blur

rasa tak tahu apa-apa

rasa....

even i cannot explain those feelings

kalau tak silap (kalau silap maafkan saya k)

kali terakhir saya rasa macam ni adalah masa jawab paper biochemistry and anatomy time first year dulu (of course to be specific paper anatomy sebab biochemistry first paper pro exam)

serius

saya tak tahu apa yang saya jawab

dan saya tak tahu apa yang saya tahu

perasaan yang sangat terlalu amat sukar untuk saya tafsirkan

besar sungguh dugaan dan pengorbanan yang perlu dihadapi untuk berjaya

tapi jangan mengalah

Allah takkan bebankan kita dengan something yang kita tak mampu kan?

semoga Allah permudahkan urusan saya dan kamu

"maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,

sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,

maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari satu urusan) tetaplah bekerja keras (untuk urusan lain),

dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap"

(94:5-8)

unspoken

7 papers to go..

too many...

cannot digest...

you...

you...

you...

you are too close to be seen

yet too far to be touched

oh,

emo la pulak

bila exam nak habis ni?

hati ni dah meronta-ronta

tak sanggup dah nak baca notes yang bertimbun ni

tolong!!!

sekali lagi

saya kegilaan...

huhu

budak tak sedar diri

hoho...saya ada gejala early childhood caries...

haha.. perasan giler early childhood..

tapi yang penting saya adalah tidak sedar diri

saya snacking masa study ok

saya dah giler..huhu

-xpress-

i might be mean to you

i might not nice to you

i might talking harsh words to you

i might not a good friend to you

before it's too late

before you cannot hear what i'm going to say

before i cannot say things that i wanted to

before we get separated

i would like to say

thank you for your existence

that shine up my life all this while

thank you for being by my side

along my happiness and sadness

thank you for your care

through difficulties and sickness

thank you for being my friend

for which it is irreplaceable

and i wanted you to know that

even it seems like i don't care

even it looks like i don't mind

even i didn't be a good listener

even i didn't give you a shoulder to cry on

even i didn't able to wipe your tears

even i didn't manage to make you smile

do know that i'm very poor in expressing my feelings

and i want to say this three words to you (but i am shy)

i love you

friends...

mmmm

right now

to be specific

at this moment

i don't want to go for another treatment

and to be specific

dental treatment

insyaAllah

tomorrow afternoon

i will finish the 5 day course of metronidazole a.k.a flagyl

and hopefully

there is no another course of antibiotics to be taken after this

Alhamdulillah

the severe pain is reduced

and it's changing in its pattern

now, i'm just having an intermittent pain

and pain on biting

even the pain still annoys me a lot

yet it improves

not disturbing my sleep

not disturbing my study

not causing me to cry

not causing me difficulties during biting (even though it's still pain on biting, yet it's far much better than before lor..)

and that is one of the reason that causing me avoiding another treatment

i am afraid that treatment will cause me to feel another series of pain

which this is my greatest concern in seeing a dentist at the moment

i am grateful right now

even the pain killer still does not kill the pain

but the pain is reduced and can be tolerated by myself

i'm hoping that the next appointment is going to be in the next semester

can or not?

because

i don't want to experience pain during the exam week

it's too much disturbing

thank you Allah

for giving me the opportunity to feel the pain

that makes me being grateful for the state of well being and healthy

thank you Allah

for another experience

another day

another test

semangat yang hilang

ya Allah

aku betul-betul dah takde mood nak study ni

sangat malas

penat

baca pun tak habis-habis

sangat banyak untuk dihadap dan ditelan

sangat pening menghadap nota-nota yang penuh dengan tulisan

memang takde semangat dan mood untuk exam

tolonglah

semangat ku dah hilang

tersesat jauh di tempat orang

haish...

hate dentists??

i am so lazy to study

so, i googled 'why people hate dentists'

and here some of the interesting points that i've found

1. the dentist's attitude

people think that dentists have the 'mean' attitude. they are not friendly and like to give instructions with harsh voices and make you feel like a child. when you complain of pain and discomfort, they DISREGARD and say "you wont be feeling any pain"

from my point of view

this is sooooo true. i've experienced this several times. and i was like wth, i'm the one who feels the pain not you. so, don't ever disregard patients feelings please

2. the feelings of vulnerable and helpless

from my point of view

this is true. when you sit on the dental chair, somehow there's a feeling of vulnerable. maybe it is due to supine position or it just the feeling of unsafe because someone is looking into your mouth and their face is like going to enter your mouth..

3. afraid of the needle

from my point of view

i am way too afraid of vaccine injections rather than dental injections because dental injections give us the feeling of numb

4. pain

one of the most common reasons for hating dentist.

from my point of view

i've experienced dental pain on my already-extracted-46, already non-vital due to trauma 21 and currently-undergoing-rct-35 and i guess the existing pain is not the reason for being afraid of the dentist but the pain after treatment. still i am afraid of dentist because of post operative pain. (one of our lecturers said "we are pain givers")

5. they just hate us

they just hate us. that is something that we can't do much

from my point of view:

lots of people telling their bad experiences and that is one of the contributing factors in hating dentists i guess. and one of the lecturers said "they never like me or you" and this just a fact that need to be digest and swallow by us.

if you want to know more why people hate dentists, google it yourselves and you'll find some funny and interesting info regarding this issue :)

trauma or phobia

recently i have been in dental surgery for some treatment

but apparently, i am having a kind of trauma and phobia right now

anywhere i go and everywhere i sit

my olfactory nerve telling me that i am in a dental surgery

and the experiences of swallowing that sodium hypochloride made my taste buds telling me that i am still swallowing that solution

and frankly speaking

this condition annoys me a lot

all this while i never ever like dental surgery (but i am hoping that this will not last forever la)

and i really mean it

for all the dentists that work really hard to save my 35

i would like to express my gratitude to you guys for doing so

for all that being concern towards my tooth and pain

thank you so much for helping and being so nice

for all the advices and supports

may Allah bless you for doing so

thank you Allah

for another experience

another story

another day

doakan phobia and trauma saya cepat hilang

i am mentally torture and emotionally distress

I HATE YOU!!!

making decision

right now i'm trying to make a wise decision

and i think that i'm going to give it up

and in order for me to do so

i'm preparing myself mentally, physically and emotionally

seriously, this is a hard and tough decision

and i'm thinking of letting 'you' go

and if that thing happen

i hope it is the best for both 'you' and me

but right now

i'm trying hardly to cope and tolerate

praying that 'you' would not leave me

but i'm also preparing for the worst thing that could happen

for the time being

i would like to say that

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY 35 DEARIE

you will never be replaced

unless if i think of making denture in the future

but for the time being

i guess no

tolong doakan 35 saya

tq in advance

memories

hari jumaat lepas third year students of fpg usim ada exam muamalat

exam kat dewan kuliah al-quds

and i would like to write something about this lecture hall

i still remember the first day in faculty of dentistry

at that time

lecture hall ni takde lagi meja and kerusi macam sekarang ni

and at that time

still no name

it was empty

hanya ada carpet biru yang menutup lantai

and masa tu we all second batch

lecture kat bilik tutorial sebelah tu

tak lama lepas tu

lecture hall tu pun dah ada meja and kerusi

still we all occupy bilik tutorial tu je

kata mereka

lecture hall itu untuk student first year tahun berikut

lecture hall itu kami occupy masa exam

sejuk sangat masa tu

sampai biru jari-jemari

muka pun naik kebas sebab sejuk sangat

masa senior nak exam pro ke2

bilik tutorial jadi dewan exam

kami pun diarah pindah ke makmal komputer yang for sure time tu takde lagi komputer

tetap

lecture hall itu tidak kami gunakan

tapi

lecture hall al-quds lah yang paling banyak simpan kenangan

saya tak tahu kenapa

tapi ramai orang yang menangis dalam lecture hall al-quds

and i am one of them

dia semacam ada satu ketenangan bila duduk dalam al-quds tu

and then nangis

and i do think that kat fpg ni lecture hall al-quds still the best port untuk nangis

masa first year dulu

bila dapat result teruk

gi al-quds, nangis

dapat carry mark teruk

gi al-quds, nangis

bila depression

gi al-quds, nangis

rasa give up

gi al-quds, nangis

pendek kata bila ada burst of emotions

al-quds lah tempat air mata tu jatuh

bila batch baru dah daftar

mereka occupy al-quds

masa tu lecture hall ni baru je dapat nama

kita pun dah jarang-jarang masuk al-quds

tapi tetap

saya sayang al-quds

sampai bila-bila

saya tetap sukakan lecture hall al-quds

explosion of emotions

burst of emotions

eyes are full of tears

no words can be spoken

no sentences can be written

so childish

too pampered

way too immature

thank you Allah

for another test

another day

another feelings

jalan-jalan di kota melaka

adoi.. jariku terluka

kalau menangis tentulah sedih

jari itu terlalu pedih

ada buku mari membaca

luka jariku terkena kaca

masalah yang takkan berhenti

esok adalah last klinik we all untuk sem ni

tiap-tiap kali klinik prostho memang akan rasa berdebar

berdebar sebab rasa diri ni tak mampu nak puaskan hati patient yang datang

minggu depan saya ada appointment dengan doktor

takut

tapi kena la jumpa doktor jugak

hari jumaat ni ada exam muamalat

tapi serius otak kitorang tersangat kosong

tiada memori subjek tersebut melainkan mengantuk, bersembang dan yang seangkatan dengannya

ya Allah

permudahkan urusan kami

assignment bhsc

setelah dibebel

setelah dato' naik berang

barulah terketar-ketar tangan nak menaip

baru terhegeh-hegeh nak mencari

(tak la terhegeh-hegeh pun sebab memang tak jumpa masa cari tu)

akhirnya

setelah dapat artikel yang dicari

menggunakan khidmat google translate yang sungguh membantu

tolong terjemah dari bahasa portugis kepada inggeris ye cik google

akhirnya

menarik nafas kelegaan

Alhamdulillah

tq Allah

family is the best remedy

critical situations

when you feel like crying and totally out of it

family is the best remedy

you're not saying words to express your feelings

you don't need to cry in order for them to understand

they just know

cause family is the best remedy

it's not their words of advices

not the hug that comfort and protect you

it's just because they are family

and family is the best remedy

indeed, family is the best remedy

tiba juga cuti

minggu yang sangat panjang i guess

sangat letih

penat dengan klinik

pelbagai karenah manusia

sakit gigi pulak

somehow rasa sedih sebab tak dapat siapkan and hantar penulisan kreatif untuk akasia (sebab berperang dengan emosi sendiri and melawan kesakitan yang menggila hinggakan mengalami kesukaran untuk tidur dan berfikir)

tapi dapat gak tolong che pah, nurin and nysah untuk clip video (bukan dalam teknikal, just berlakon)

and we all manage untuk buat persembahan malam tu

and join the pantun yang tak tahu camne tetiba jek boleh menang

sekarang ni sangat lega

tapi sangat memerlukan tidur dan rehat yang panjang

sangat malas untuk belajar walaupun exam semakin dekat

sangat malas untuk klinik sebab memang malas (tak perlu specific reason pun sebab klinik itu memenatkan)

sangat malas untuk menghadap muka sebahagian dari manusia yang senantiasa membuatkan diri sendiri boleh kena darah tinggi in which they would like to make so called innocent face yang akhirnya membuatkan kita juga yang kelihatan teruk (gth la you!)

sangat malas mendengar kata-kata yang berbaur i'm way too good in comparison with you (once again gth la you!)

kesimpulannya i'm really tired and need a very good time for myself

biarlah

be it gedik

be it mengada

and be it manja

i don't care what people say

one thing that i know that

it is unbearable

tak sanggup

skang ni saya tengah menderita sakit gigi

mungkin esok saya akan bertemu dengan dr

saya sebenarnya tak sanggup dah

tak sanggup derita dengan gigi yang sakit ni

tak sanggup juga berjumpa dr sebab sakit

saya buntu

dalam dilema

tolong la

sakit, pergilah jauh-jauh

saya dah nak exam ni

kesian la kat saya

ya Allah,

permudahkan

saya masih lagi takut

dentist or doktor gigi

bila cakap pasal doktor gigi, sakit gigi ni memang kebanyakan orang akan rasa takut

i would not blame them for feel such thing sebab saya sendiri setelah hampir 3 tahun berada dalam bidang ni masih lagi takut akan dentist

tak tahu kenapa, mengapa, bagaimana

tapi membayangkan diri sendiri berada di atas dental chair dengan mulut yang terbuka tu saja dah buat saya rasa berdebar

and if i were to imagine the pain, of course the anxiety become greater

entahlah..

as far as i could remember, i never had a bad experience in dental care during childhood

but the anxiety of seeing dentist is quite bad..huhu

saya pun tak tahu macam mana

even if i go to dental clinic untuk temankan my mum or brother, still rasa macam nak pecah jantung sebab sangat berdebar

i have several filled teeth which the procedures was painless (as far as i remember la kan)

a root canal treated tooth which already been extracted

tapi nak katanya even dah banyak kali jumpa dentist

dah banyak kali buat treatment (which are painless)

still i cannot hold myself from the anxiety

huhu...

am i going to be scared towards my own self?

Allah, buangkanlah ketakutan itu dari hati hamba...

idea(s) anyone?

i need to write

i have a very severe toothache

and it makes me feel like to go berserk

seriously,

it is not a pleasant thing to be experienced to

this pain is way too unbearable compared to previous pain

medication to be taken

antibiotic to be finished

classes to be attended

wire to be bended

exams to be think of

make the pain even worse

having the pain radiating to the ear, head and even eye

makes me feel like crying

and now

difficulties in opening mouth

the pain are not explainable

i only can say that it even worse than period pain

ya Allah,

tolonglah saya

final exam is just around the corner

tsk..tsk..tsk...

kifarah

sakit itu kifarah

penghapus dosa

bersyukurlah anda diuji

Alhamdulillah

too many things to be written

a lot of thoughts to be shared

but seriously

i loss the words

lots of things that need to be taken care

but least efforts done

emotionally, mentally and physically disturbed

seriously

this intermittent pain is sometimes unbearable

Allah,

please give me strength to face this situation

dugaan

diri ini terlalu banyak mengeluh

aku hamba yang lemah

sejujurnya aku tak kuat

aku sangat perlukan kekuatan untuk berhadapan dengan situasi ni

dah lama rasanya tak menangis dengan teruk

maybe last time aku nangis maut-maut gile punya masa first pro exam

getting older makes me become matured i guess

jadi lebih tabah mungkin

tapi jujur

aku rasa nak sangat menangis sekarang ni

i really need somebody to talk with

someone who will understand of things that i'm going to say

i need that person

at least just to hear of this particular thing

i just want to cry....

sometimes it just so hard to deal with human being

yes

i am new in this

talk to me

tell me

and correct my mistakes

tell and talk to me

OR

just keep it in your heart

i'm tired

too much exhausted with this

please

reduce my problem

or at least

at the very least

let it just static there

don't increase the burden

don't induce another pain

i don't want to suffer more

and i don't want you to suffer

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

inna ma'al 'usri yusra

rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir

insyaAllah

fed up

feel like crying

confuse

okay kucingred,

sila bersedia jika patient anda katakan tidak kepada anda

Allah, permudahkan urusan

...janji seorang anak...

holla..

harini bukan saya nak bercerita tentang janji saya sebagai seorang anak

tapi nak tulis pasal satu cerita yang saya tengok kat tv awal pagi tadi

-janji seorang anak-

well saya tak de la tengok cerita tu dari start

maybe dalam 15 minutes after cerita tu dah mula baru saya tengok

and seriously cerita tu terlalu amat sangat menyedihkan

serba sedikit sinopsis cerita tu (dari apa yang saya sempat tengok la)

satu family ni consist of nenek, mak, ayah and 3 orang anak (yang sulung and yang tengah tu lelaki, adik bongsu tu perempuan)

anak yang sulung ni kira cam harapan keluarga la sebab dia belajar kat u

so kira memang anak emas mak dia la

yang anak kedua dia ni mat fit, so malas nak komen lebih-lebih, paham-paham sendiri la

and anak yang last ni tinggal dengan mak, ayah and nenek kat kampung

yang menambahkan kepiluan dalam cerita ni sebab ayah diorang ni sakit (tak tahu la sakit apa sebab tak tengok dari mula) and seriously saya rasa sangat sedih la tengok condition ayah diorang tu

saya start tengok dari babak si adik bongsu ni jumpa ngan sorang mamat kampung diorang yang sama u dengan abang sulung tu

so adik ni balik rumah dengan gumbiranya bagitau kat mak ngan ayah dia yang abang tu dah cuti- nak balik kampung

pastu mak dia pun cepat-cepat siap and keluar pergi beli ikan keli sebab nak masak tempoyak sebab tu makanan kegemaran anak sulung dia

mak dia siap marah ayah dia sebab makan ikan tu banyak (ye la ko, anak kesayangan nak balik la katekan) tapi, time tu memang sedih la expression ayah dia tu

tunggu punya tunggu tak balik la budak tu kat kampung dia

masa mak ngan ayah dia dok tunggu budak ni kat kampung, mamat tu gila joli duit scholar dia

pergi clubbing, belanja kawan-kawan dia tidur hotel and makan kat restoran mewah

yang paling tak boleh blah tu dia siap cakap kat kawan-kawan dia yang ayah dia tu sorang yang sangat kaya and dia boleh mintak duit anytime je ngan ayah dia

so, esok hari masa tengah enjoy tu kereta yang dia sewa tu buat hal

tarik muncung panjang la awek mamat ni so dengan machonya dia kata yang dia nak suh ayah dia belikan kereta baru kat dia after balik cuti ni

mamat ni pun balik kampung and dia suh mak dia pajakkan rumah yang diorang tengah duduk skang ni kat pak ali dengan alasan tak semangat nak belajar sebab kawan-kawan ketawakan dia pasal tak de kereta (gila tahap budak sekolah tadika pemikiran mamat ni)

dia janji la after dia grad (which is setahun lagi) dia akan tebus balik rumah tu

so sebab ni la anak harapan kesayangan dia mak dia pun pajak la rumah tu

adik yang perempuan ni start la suspicious ngan abang dia yang ni

so, mamat ni pun belilah kereta and time awek dia tanya bila nak bawak jumpa mak, dia cakap kat awek dia yang mak dia dah lama mati

diorang (mak, ayah, nenek and adik bongsu) pergi la duk umah sewa tepi sawah

tak lama pastu abang yang mat fit tu datang mintak duit

so sebab tak de duit dia amek rantai nenek dia

pastu nenek tu mati

ayah dia pun keluar mintak tolong tapi camner ntah jalan sampai pekan

kat pekan tu dia minum air orang and makan roti kat kedai

tengah dia rayau sambil ambik air orang tu dia sampai kat meja yang anak sulung dia duk ngan kawan-kawan

pastu anak dia tu tolak ayah dia and dia langkah ayah dia yang dah jatuh tu

pastu ayah dia kejar dak tu sampai akhirnya dia kena langgar and mati

seminggu pas kejadian ayah dia tu dia pun balik kampung

time tu adik dia ni memang dah bengang gila

dia pun luah segalanya

tapi malang bagi dia sebab mak dia lebih percaya pada bang dia yang jahat tu

dia pulak yang kena tuduh dengki

dia siap bagitahu kat anak dia ni pasal geran kebun getah- harta sepencarian dengan arwah suami dia tu kat anak dia

pastu abang dia janji kat mak dia yang minggu depannya dia nak bawak mak and adik dia tu mulakan hidup baru kat kl

so, lepas seminggu tu hari-hari la mak dia dok tunggu anak kesayangan dia tu nak datang ambik dia kat kampung sambil dia herdik anak bongsu dia tu

sebab dah lama tunggu, dia pun pi la call anak dia tu tapi tak dilayan

balik dari telefon tu, mak dia kena ragut dengan anak yang hisap dadah tu

and budak tu mati kena langgar van masa tengah nak kira duit yang dia ragut tu

mak dia sakit teruk la jugak

mamat ni hutang ngan along and dia terdesak nak duit

so dia pun amek la geran ladang tu

masa nak keluar dari rumah tu

dia kakikan mak dia pastu dia langkah mak dia

and mak dia pun meninggal tak lama tu

then dia pun dapat balasan sebab buat mak dia macam tu

the end

well, masa cerita tu dah habis

i was like kenapa dia perlu jadi begitu kejam dengan mak dia?

kenapa mak dia boleh begitu bias dengan anak-anak yang lahir dari rahim yang sama?

kenapa benda dalam cerita tu boleh berlaku?

adakah mamat itu mengalami culture shock?

kenapa dia boleh tipu kawan-kawan dia macam tu sekali?

and it made me realize

how difficult was life

selama ni rasa macam dah cukup terseksa kan

tapi bila tengok macam tu always ada yang lebih susah dari kita

moral yang saya dapat

bersyukur dengan segala kurniaanNya

bersabar dengan ujian yang menimpa

sayangilah ibu bapa anda

pencarian...

saya mencari dan tercari

doakan saya bertemu dengan apa yang dicari

semoga pencarian saya membuahkan hasil

doakan saya ye

STOP!!!

and let it go

let it be

and seriously, try to forget it

make a new start

new moves

and with a brand new determination

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

see it differently

you do not need to read the words to feel it

read between the lines

only then you'll understand things

terperangkap

dia adalah dia yang aku kenal

fizikalnya tidak berubah dan andai berubah mungkin tidak begitu ketara

dia adalah dia yang ku kenal

tapi manusia

terkadang makin lama kenal

makin kita tidak mengenali mereka

aku tak pernah rasa dia adalah rumit

tak pernah juga aku rasa dia pelik

tapi makin mengenali dirinya

aku jadi keliru

keliru dengan sikapnya

sejujurnya secara peribadi

aku rasa mungkin ramai yang tertarik dengannya

(mungkin ke??)

kerana kelembutan tutur bicara

kerana menjaga perilakunya

mungkin segalanya tentang dirinya

but this was during my first years of knowing her

manusia

bila dia rasa dia baik

dia berubah

yup, she changes

or perhaps she didn't change

it's just me that realize things after some time

pada aku dia terperangkap

terperangkap dalam dunia sendiri

sehingga menidakkan realiti

she said satu klausa

klausa yang paling aku benci

waima sekiranya klausa itu dituturkan oleh orang yang paling aku sayang

kenapa perlu menuturkan sesuatu yang mengundang kebencian

mungkin kamu baik dan aku tidak

mungkin kamu manis dak aku tidak

tapi sekurangnya aku tidak berusaha menjadi hipokrit!

kerana dia baik

mulutnya melabel orang

kerana dia baik

dia membezakan kawan-kawannya

kerana dia baik

dia merasakan dirinya disenangi semua

ingat

kita hidup bukan menongkat langit..

mungkin salah saya membencinya

mungkin silap saya membencinya

jadi saya minta maaf

pergi jauh-jauh supaya benci ini surut

atau sekadar berkubur di sini

selamat hari raya

maaf atas salah silap

halalkan makan minum

moga bertemu ramadhan seterusnya

sekadar coretan- no offence k

salam 'alaik

hai kamu

beryukurlah kerana telah tertulis yang kamu dilahirkan dari keturunan yang baik

maka

janganlah kamu menjatuhkan maruah kamu dengan perkara-perkara yang keji

hai kamu

bersyukurlah kerana telah termaktub yang kamu dikelilingi oleh keluarga yang baik

sungguhpun iman itu tidak boleh diwarisi

sekurangnya kamu masih punya seseorang untuk terus memperingatkan kamu tentang keagunganNya

hai kamu

sangat bertuah kamu kerana sentiasa dikelilingi mereka-mereka yang kenal dan cinta akan Tuhannya

yang mendedahkan kamu dengan keindahan agama

yang membawamu menuju redhaNya

tetapi kamu

kerana kamu begitu

mengertilah mereka yang bukan

yang perlu bimbingan

bukan penghinaan

kerana kamu begitu

jangan beranggapan semua senasib denganmu

ingat

tak semua manusia di dunia ini cukup bertuah untuk memiliki sebuah keluarga yang benar-benar faham akan agamaNya

kerana kamu itu baik

tidak pernah tertulis hak kamu untuk menghina golongan yang jahil

kerana kamu itu baik

tidak pernah kamu memiliki hak untuk menghukum mereka yang lain

mereka sepatutnya dibimbing

diajar dan diperingatkan tentang kebesaran Tuhan

bukan ditengking, diherdik apatah lagi dihina kerana kejahilan

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

semoga Allah matikan saya, kamu, dia dan mereka dalam keimanan dan semoga kita semua peroleh redhaNya untuk ke syurga

amiin...

...clinic...

today is our first time meeting our patients

i've started with prostho clinic while my partner starts his cons clinic

so, today is my second time of scaling teeth

she is very nice and good

really appreciate her kindness

because i am me

sometimes

i feel like being left out alone

feel like i am not good enough

like i am the loser

as if i can't do anything on my own

sometimes

i feel like giving up

feel like there's no hope for me

like this is the wrong path

as if i can turning back to live better

sometimes

i feel like crying

feel like no one would understand my feelings

like having severely tortured mental

as if that can solve the problems

sometimes

i feel like a mad hatter

feel like want to go berserk

like killing all the people i hated

as if they were like fishes in market

sometimes

i am facing dejection

also facing happiness

experiencing madness

but

still standing

still like this

still moving

because,

i am me

these things made me as who i am

semoga hari esok lebih baik dari hari ni

kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu

aku masih bernafas

masih lagi berdiri

masih terus berjuang

walau hati terkadang sedih

walau hakikat terkadang pedih

walau derita berkunjung tiba

masih tetap bertahan

kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu

yang sukar itu diatasi

yang gentar itu dihadapi

yang debar itu diharungi

walau terkadang mengalah datang

walau terkadang gagal menjelma

walau terkadang kesukaran memaut

masih mampu berjalan

kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu

memberikan aku saudara

menghadiahkan aku teman

mengurniakan aku kebahagiaan

melahirkan rasa ketenangan

membuahkan cinta yang berpanjangan

walau terkadang badai menjelma

walau batin terkadang derita

walau terkadang pahit terasa

namun masih mampu tersenyum

kerana kasihMu

kerana kasihMu

aku di sini

masih bernafas

walau terkadang terseksa

masih terus ke depan

walau terkadang terhenti

masih terus gembira

walau terkadang berduka

masih terus-terusan berjuang

walau terkadang kecundang

semuanya kerana kasihMu

inferior

what do you mean by inferior?

rendah diri?

rasa terhina?

rasa martabat anda rendah?

why do you feel inferior?

tak bersyukur?

memandang rendah?

rasa tak cukup bagus?

when do you feel inferior?

bila tengok orang lain?

bila bandingkan diri dengan orang?

bila rasa lemah?

who makes you feel inferior?

friends?

teachers?

families?

enemies?

what causes you to develop inferior?

environment?

situation?

emotion?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you are who you are

inferiority doesn't going to help but you, yourself need to have the motivation

curiosity kills cat

hypocrisy kills identity

inferiority kills uniqueness

just a thought of mine

mata itu

kata orang

kalau kita nak tahu kebenaran

tataplah mata orang yang bercakap dengan kita

sebab lidah manusia boleh menipu

tapi matanya sentiasa jujur

mata saja yang akan menangis

walaupun mulut kata "takde apa2"

bila diri jadi penat dan tak berdaya

terpancar kekuatan dari mata

even ada orang kata- bukan saya kata

if kita nak differentiate antara orang yang sihat mentalnya or tak

kita tengok matanya

mata orang yang mentalnya terganggu (of course we are talking ttg yg serius or kritikal)

nampak kosong

membuktikan tiada apa di minda mereka

tapi ada gak orang yang pandai sembunyikan perasaan dia

tak tertunjuk langsung di mata mereka

kat mana agaknya mereka peroleh segala kekuatan tu ye

kucingred,

enuff merepek

me, the loser

i feel like a loser

i cannot stand this so long period of exams

penat la weh

tiap2 minggu ada paper

pastu tak boleh jawab

pastu ada lak yang bikin panas plus tambah pressure

ngan terkontang-kanting ag ngan semua requirement pre-clinical

ngan tak tahu satu ape benda untuk start patients

adoiiii

stress la weh

boleh tak exam cepat habis?

boleh tak subjek muamalat tu cepat2 habis?

boleh tak tunda ja klinik tu lepas cuti raya?

boleh tak bagi cuti awal kat kitorang?

boleh tak????

setiap kali nak start minggu baru

mesti doa supaya minggu tu berlalu dengan cepat

and bila sampai weekends

mesti doa supaya weekends tu lama

tolong!!!

i really need a long peace holiday..huhu

ianya mula terasa

right now i am facing an unexplainable condition

i am lost

and feel like crying

tense

maybe i am the one who being so negative upon all these things?

nak baleeeek!!!!!!!!

oral condition.....(again??)

holla~

my mum told me that during my deciduous teeth years i have a sort of abnormality which is called as double teeth in which i don't know and don't even remember of their existence

during my permanent dentition years which is sekarang ni i have an extra mandibular incisor tooth which is supplement supernumerary (the shape is not cone btw)

and today

25th of august 2010

i just realize that

i have a rotated permanent maxillary left second premolar, 25

it was discovered accidentally in 3rd yr lecture hall

and the tooth is rotated 180 degree from its origin

learning things in dentistry make me discover sebahagian dr keindahan yg Allah cipta kt atas bumi ni

rasa bertuah coz dapat peluang to know our teeth better

rasa gembira coz dapat peluang utk tilik and belek the shapes, grooves and all the morphology of the teeth

rasa sangat kehebatanNya dapat menciptakan segala sesuatu tu dlm keadaan yg pelbagai n begitu indah

terima kasih ya Allah

krn beri saya peluang untuk terus bernafas

ujian dariNya itu pelbagai

bukan kita seorang saja yang diuji

boleh jadi yang kelihatan bahagia di mata kita tu lebih berat beban yang ditanggung

hanya Dia saja yang tahu berdiri duduk sesuatu keadaan tu

bersyukurlah

ada bacterial infection

semoga cepat sembuh!!

rahmat ujian

dalam derita ada bahagia

dalam gembira mungkin terselit duka

tak siapa tahu tak siapa pinta ujian bertamu

ok carilah sendiri selebihnya

sangat sakit tulang belakang

sakit juga perut

esok ada exam opom and test cd

mungkinkah tekanan???

tolong jangan sakit di siang hari

sekian

bila kau terasa kau macam lelaki

a special post to suraya (obviously not a real name)

bila kau terasa kau tu macam lelaki

kau mula la akan buat perkara-perkara yang tak disukai oleh kaum wanita

sebab kau tu bukannya lelaki

kau ingat ada ke wanita-wanita yang akan happy bila kau tak reti kemas apa yang kau dah buat kotor tu?

kau ingat ada ke wanita-wanita yang akan senang bila kau sesuka hati tok nenek kau je amek and guna barang mereka pastu kau biarkan aje barang yang kau guna tu kotor and buat muka tak bersalah yang tertulis di dahi kau "i am innocent"

kau ingat ada ke wanita-wanita yang berbesar hati bila kau suka tangguh kerja dan mengabaikan tanggungjawab kau sedangkan benda yang kau abaikan tu akan effect ahli group kau and it ends up orang lain yang tolong buatkan task kau dan kau langsung tak ucap terima kasih apatah lagi nak mintak maaf pastu dengan muka tok selampitnya kau pun berkata "nasib baik kan sempat"

and if wanita-wanita lain amat happy, senang dan berbesar hati

ketahuilah bahawa aku amat tak menggemarinya

sebab kau tu bukan lelaki!!!

jangan perasan yang orang boleh nak adapt ngan perkara tu sebab kau sikit pun tak nampak tough bila buat camtu

kau juga langsung tak nampak macho bila buat camtu sebab sememangnya kau bukan lelaki

selain itu, kau juga tidak mungkin sama sekali akan kelihatan handsome kerana obviuosly, kau memang bukan lelaki

dan yang paling penting, ketahuilah bahawa segala humps yang ada di body mu itu membuktikan kau sememangnya bukan lelaki

sorry for disappointing you by saying that KAU BUKAN LELAKI!!

so stop acting like one

that is fucking annoying!!!

rage lagi

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

di bulan ramadhan yang mulia ni

i telah bengang ngan seorang hamba Allah s.w.t

tolonggggg!!!!!

mengapakah kamu melakukan perkara yang i terlalu amat benci

skang ni teringatkan beliau saja membuatkan darah i mendidih dan membuak-buak..

ya Allah

tolong hilangkan rasa ni dari hati hamba

biar jadi neutral saja pun tak pe

___________________________________________________________________

i tak tahu la kenapa i rasa i dah menjadi kedekut yang terlalu amat sangat lately ni

huhuhuhu

rage

amaran: sila jangan baca jika anda seorang yang cintakan kedamaian dan benci kepada rungutan!

ini merupakan nota 'cinta' yang bersarang dalam hati ini sejak sekian lama dan keputusan telah diambil untuk menulis sesuatu di sini

salah saya ke????

salah saya ke saya ni kidal??

tell me!!!!

tell me!!!

you!!! tell me!!!

salah saya ke saya ni kidal???

salah ke saya dilahirkan kidal??

salah ke saya menjadi golongan yang homozygous recessive

salah ke?

kenapa kamu menidakkan hak saya?

kenapa menidakkan hak golongan kami??

salah ke menjadi kidal??

tell me???

dah lama saya pendam benda ni

kalau saya suruh kamu menulis menggunakan tangan kiri

senang ke?

boleh ke kamu buat?

hanya kerana golongan kami sedikit

bukan bermakna kami tiada hak

jangan menidakkan hak kami

saya cukup tak suka (seriously improper gila if i used the word benci)

and i really mean it

what do you mean by it's okay i am doing things so slow just because i am a lefthanded?

kamu doktor ke?

kamu ke yang akan sign requirement saya?

kamu ke yang akan pastikan saya lulus exam dan boleh naik tahun if saya buat lambat?

you tell me!!!

you are telling me to do this and that

but if you were me, can you do so?

don't just say if you cannot do it

lain kali, to be fair

just put another requirement for dental students to be

must be able to use your right hand

senang

no hard feelings and no offence

kamu...

hai kamu,

boleh tak kalau jangan buat orang rasa sakit hati kat kamu

kalau saya seorang je yang rasa

mungkin saya yang sensitif

tapi kalau orang lain pun rasa begitu

hmmmm paham-paham la

hai kamu,

jangan bercakap seolah-olah kamu saja yang tahu

boleh jadi yang kamu tahu tu salah

boleh jadi yang kamu faham itu tak betul

boleh jadi yang kamu kira kamu tahu tu sebenarnya tidak

hai kamu,

jangan la nak anggap diri kamu tu baik

hanya kerana kamu melakukan sesuatu perkara

exams and tests

a lot of paper this sem

a lot of things happen

during diagnostic and imaging & community dentistry examinations

my tooth was severely painful

i can't study at all due to that painful event

during paediatric dentistry paper

i am having allergy which the allergen still is not known

getting an injection and taking the medication from doctor- piriton

seriously doesn't help a lot

that piriton cause a severe sedation all day long

causing me to sleep during the exam for about 20 minutes i guess

the so called allergy is reduced yet still not totally recover

hey people

ramadhan is here

so, happy fasting to all

hope this ramadhan is going to be better than before

ramadhan kareem :)

kerasnya hati kamu....

hai kucingred

kerasnya hati kamu

bukankah dia pernah meminta maaf?

hai kucingred

keras benar hati kamu

bukankah niat dia itu baik?

hai kucingred

keras sungguh hati kamu

tergamak kamu biarkan dia bercakap sendirian?

hai kucingred

terlalu keras hati kamu

terlalu sukarkah untukmu melupakan???

hey hey.....

oh my god!!!

ok, i don't know where to start this thing

ruby (bukan nama sebenar) is a girl

she has lots of friends either girls, boys or even pink lady type of person

she is very outspoken

well, it's just her and she is not being hypocrite (does she??)

most of the time,

she believe in her instinct

but somehow

for build good rapport

she ignore it

she's hardly hate people

unless there is/are reason/s for her to do so

but unfortunately

when she begin to hate

there's no way for her to like the person again

sigh...

macam mana ni???

how can i help her in this kind of situation???

hatred is like dental caries

it is irreversible

you just can prevent it from getting worse and remains that way

or it will aggressively become worse

or it just progress slowly to become worse

or the worst thing is it's going to cause deep pain and loss of something which is precious

think

we are former islamic educated students

we are former islamic educated students

so what?

we are proud of ourselves

even though we have the basis of islamic education

it doesn't mean we aren't knowledgeable in sciences

we are former islamic educated students

so what?

we are as good if not better than others

just because we are competing our friends from same race and religion

it doesn't mean we aren't competitive enough

we are former islamic educated students

so what?

we are thankful to be one

it's just we carry the islamic students tittle

it doesn't mean you can simply talk to us thing as if you as a muslim doesn't need to do so

just because us being former islamic educated student

it doesn't mean we are having severely mental handicapped

it doesn't mean we aren't open enough in thinking

it doesn't mean we cannot perform professional conduct

we are as good if not better than you

stop thinking as if you are better than others

just because of you coming from that particular place

it doesn't mean you are good enough

and if only you that good

please do act like one

stop acting like a child

if only you are a true professional

tak faham

tak faham dengan masalah gigi sendiri

or

mungkin saya saja yang rasa begitu

tolong..

lateral border of tongue saya adalah sakit

sekian, tq

long time dear...special post to besties integomb

ya Allah....

it's like for years saya tak jumpa my best buddies kat integomb dulu

especially nab, farid and nisa

and thanks to You, for giving us an opportunity untuk berjumpa on last friday (only farid, nisa and me w/o nab)

seriously it was fun

lots of stories, memories and things yang kita share

faridah is a dental student in egypt and nisa is a civil engineering student in utp

nisa sebenarnya dulu nak amek dentistry and me was actually nak amek engine but it ends up she's taking engine while me taking dentistry :) and farid mmg nak amek dentistry sejak dr sekolah lagi :)

now, each one of us dah ada dalam path masing-masing and i hope all of us akan berjaya :)

we've already lost contact dgn nab ever since dia habis matrik...but recently we've found out yg dia ada kt mmu amek law... also pray the best for her...

to nisa, farid and nab...

love you guys so much.. still remember doing all those stupid things during zaman sekolah..enjoy our outing together and all those things...love and miss u guys so much

may our friendship remains and semoga persahabatan kita diredhaiNya...

terperangkap

terperangkap dalam ketakutan yang bersarang di hati
terperangkap dalam kemalasan yang memuncak

terperangkap dalam lautan kebencian

terperangkap dalam ayat-ayat cinta

terperangkap dalam kegelapan dan kesunyian

things are always difficult when one is self obsessive

things are always thought to be like that unless something better is happening

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is nice thing to share :)

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/201/c/0/Because_he_is_a_muslim____by_Nayzak.swf

when any 'budak sekolah agama' makes a mistake or treats people in a bad manner- people say "ni lah dia budak sekolah agama" - annoying sungguh especially when that particular mistake or bad manner is just small little tiny one (kalau yang melampau tu memang patut la jgk nak condemn ke ape)

which actually in this link saying that

when any muslim makes a mistake or treats people in a bad manner- people say "Islam is the reason"

dilema seorang dentist to be- insyaAllah

saya stress skang ni

sangat stress

tapi bukan sebab exam yang bakal menjelang ni

tapi saya stress tentang kesihatan pergigian saya

macam mana ni

tadi saya secara tak sengaja telah men'detect' 3 carious lesion baru kat gigi saya

semalam saya ter'detect' 2 ketul secondary caries juga pada gigi saya

dan sememangnya ada beberapa lesion yg terang-terangan adalah caries yang ada sejak dulu kala tapi telah diabaikan kewujudannya oleh individu yang berkenaan termasuklah diri saya

saya sangat stress...

sejak perm mand right 1st molar saya dah xde

saya jadi takut...

takut if saya kena pakai denture di usia muda rumaja..huhu nanges...

dah la aritu dr. cakap gigi saya mobile.. (takut tak??)

pastu ada lak gigi yang non-vital... (stress tak??)

pastu ada gak kemungkinan yang gigi supernumerary saya takde akar.. (serabut tak??)

huhu....saya dalam dilema...

and saya sangat stress dengan oral condition saya

saya cuma nak condition orally fit je skang ni

tinggi sangat ke permintaan saya ni???

goodbye dear

it's almost 15 years you are with me

almost 15 years you never leave me

all the happiness and all the tears we've face together

thank you for every happiness you gave me

thank you for the pain that you caused

thank you for the tears when i cannot bear

thank you for holding on until the very end

for not taking good care of you, i'm so sorry

for the pain that i caused you to feel, totally sorry

for the pain you caused me to feel, at least i know that i still have you

for crying because of you, i realize that you are there

thank you for everything

and goodbye dear

permanent mandibular right first molar, 46

i'm gonna miss you

thanks again for holding on until the very end...

tq

1530

hate me

hate me

if you want to

hate me

if that makes you feel better

hate me

if only that can kill of your tears

HATE ME!!!

this week

isnin, en.yusof FPSK telah kembali ke rahmatullah n my appointment with dr. was cancelled to thursday (meaning that hari khamis tu dr kena tgk 2 kes)

selasa, pembentangan cd crohn's disease tunda...ok a lil bit lega, tp bengang gak sbb mlm tu tido lambat utk siapkan slide n study benda alah tu.....jr first yr daftar kt fod

rabu, makan bersama junior 1st yr girls kt umah kitorg B15-15..basically ok je..makanan berlebih sampai...

khamis, appointment i tunda lagi coz dr kena p nilai...masuk klinik untuk wat pre-clinical session utk subjek conservative dentistry. ptg tu ada pengenalan dsc and tayangan video. malam lak ada white coat ceremony and anugerah pelajar cemerlang... tahniah to haziq, kak ya, che pah, kak wahida and kak huda...

jumaat, kelas muamalat yg stress itu and treasure hunt

sabtu, ada telematch and god willing malam ni ada dinner bersama staff

tolong

ya Allah,

tolong saya

saya tak nak membenci

sebab kalau saya dah benci

saya takkan suka

ya Allah,

tolong saya

cantikkan apa yang saya lihat

sebab kalau saya terlihat yang tidak cantik

yang cantik saya lupakan

ya Allah,

tolong saya

indahkan apa yang saya dengar

sebab kalau saya dengar yang tidak indah

saya akan lebih ingat

ya Allah,

tolong saya

jauhkan dari buruk sangka

sebab kalau saya buruk sangka

saya takkan berpatah balik

ya Allah,

tolong saya

tetapkan hati saya dengan agamaMu

sebab hanya Kau yang boleh tolong saya

kerana saya milikMu

ya Allah,

tolong saya

tuntun saya ke jalan yang Kau redhai

kerana tiada yang lain boleh tuntun saya

jika tanpa izinMu

ya Allah,

tolong saya

bantu saya

sebab tiada siapa dapat berikan pertolongan sebaik pertolonganMu

kerana Kau Maha Berkuasa ke atas kami

ya Allah,

tolong saya...

bengang bukan bangang

i memang tak suka if the first day of the week is started with simply shipan things which then will eventually affecting the rest of the week...

i bengang bukan bangang k...

ok i memang bengang tahap dewa taw....

hey uolls

kalu uolls tak puas hati cakap la

seriously where the fish all the professionalism that uolls always said and talk about

i taw la i ni masih diconsider as budak lagi if nak compare dengan uolls tu

but don't u ever heard that yang muda disayangi, yang tua dihormati

if uolls tak reti nak sayang yang muda cam i ni

so, mana i nak letak dihormati tu

come on la

even children also want to be respected

dah kalu wat perangai cam tu tell me sapa yang nak respect uolls

ni la dia budaya orang kita

yang tua dihormati sampai kita pun iakan aje walaupun memang diorang yang salah

yang muda lak dikondem cam nak mati

mentaliti yang tak berkembang langsung

tak leh terima perubahan

tak leh terima dan mengaku kesilapan

tu la dia keturunan i and uolls

i'm not saying that i'm a good person

not also saying that i'm an angel

but use ur brain la

i bukan apa

i dah lama rasa geram ngan benda-benda gini

tell me, what shall i do

tell me!!!!!

i taw, kalu ada orang yang baca post ni mesti ada yang akan cakap i ni cepat melenting

i admit, i memang panas baran and tak sabar

i tried

but i'm failing right now

failed to control my emotions and feelings

i know i'm not as sopan and baik as other girls

fine,

it just me

kalau uolls tak leh nak terima i seadanya, fine

as if la i ni boleh terima uolls

kalau uolls rasa i ni cakap lepas

macam la uolls tak taw yang i ni mulut takde insurans

i bukan cam uolls

bajet baik gile,

walhal 2x5 ngan i je

memang pantang tok nenek i people yang sesedap paru2 dia je nak kata i sedangkan dengan i pun tak pernah bercakap

i always believe in my first impression towards someone

but it doesn't mean that i can simply say bad things about that person if i didn't make friend with them

i don't want to accuse uolls but from what i've experience

i can conclude that uolls pandai bunyik je

banyak bunyik tapi bukan kata habuk, zarah pun takde

kalau cakap pandai, nenek i pun boleh la

don't expect others will love you if you just a pretender

of uolls go

sometimes, silence is an option when usually it's a must

sometimes, being strong doesn't mean holding back your tears, but letting them fall

it's a pain when you said everything is okay

when actually they weren't

minggu ini

segala tekanan dan kemurungan minggu ini dah terubat dengan menghadiri walimah one of my schoolmate whom also my classmate and dorm-mate.

the wedding was simple tapi meriah and ceria.

not only attending the wedding, tapi ala-ala reunion gitu when several AFians gather kat rumah pengantin. pastu diorang keluar pergi sunway piramid but i didn't join them.

minggu yang akan datang ni menjanjikan ke'busy'an sebab:

- ada appointments dengan Dr. Aws hari Isnin and Khamis

- ada pembentangan Community Dentistry- Crohn's Disease- hari Selasa

- ada White Coat Ceremony hari Khamis malam Jumaat

- ada minggu suai kenal pelajar baru sesi 2010/2011

harapan saya:

- minggu esok lagi baik dari minggu ni

- kawan2 i sila cepat kawin :)

oh, ye... i dapat kenal beberapa kawan baru and jumpa kawan lama time pergi walimah kawan i tu.. tu je yang i nak citer...

hati yang rapuh

saya sangat sedih

i don't know how to describe it

saya terlalu sedih

i cannot control myself anymore

i am totally lost

seriously

i feel like giving everything up right now

i want to go away

how i wish i never been here in the first place

enough with lying my own feeling

enough with all things that i pretended it to be okay

enough with all the fake smiles

enough with i don't mind situation

enough with everything

Allah, forgive me

saya rasa sangat down

i am not excel in my study

not even have skills

even for the paper that others can score, i failed to score

even for paper that people say easy, it is hard for me

even for things that people can do it easily, it takes lot of effort for me to do it

how i wish i am not a left-handed

how i wish i am as good as others

how i wish i weren't me

ya Allah,

maafkan saya

jadikan saya lebih tabah

agar saya gembira menjadi saya

andai ini yang terbaik bagi saya

jadikan saya redha dengannya

jangan jauhkan rahmatMu dari saya

dan bimbinglah saya menuju redhaMu

permudahkan urusan saya di dunia dan akhirat

perkenankan

ya Allah

hati yang rapuh.......

saya terharu

dengan kebaikan seorang pendidik

walaupun terkadang terasa hati

niat mereka sangat murni

terima kasih :)

coward...

i am a coward

right now i'm just trying hardly to run away from the situation

seriously

i cannot face the reality

i am depress

i wanna cry, but i can't

i wanna scream, but i can't

i want to express the hatred, but i can't

i want to be honest, but i can't

i hate hypocrisy

but i guess i am a hypocrite

hypocritical as if i really don't care

i hate myself for being such person

as i can't be honest

i hope i can go far away

hoping that sorrows and dejections fail to find me

leave me alone

don't bother my life

leaving me smile happily

inside out

you can lie others but not yourself

the pain, sorrows, dejections and hatred you keep inside

will always be there

even if the wounds heal

the scars will always remind you of the pain

sometimes if you are hurt by others

silence is the best thing to do

if you afraid you might hurt others

just shut your mouth and let you yourself face the pain alone

and

pray so that it is the best for you

by the way

i'm a coward

that is why i'm expressing my emotion here